My dad - not a stroke -head is whirling

[parisdisneyfan]

So sorry you are having to go through this, it is bad enough to have a parent diagnosed with something like this, let alone having to go through it on your own without the support of those who should be there for you.

My mil was similar to your mum re my fil. She moaned that her son (my dh) and daughter didn't help but would rather moan about them and ask friends. She also wouldn't go to fil hosp appts. If they did help or plan to sort stuff out, she would then change it all after they had gone or done it!

Anyway re your dh and ds, I think you need to say that it is helping YOU and dad/grandad, not your mum/grandma. It is hard refereeing and you don't need that on top of it all.

Lots of love and hugs and try to take care of yourself xxx

[Ellelledee]

Thank you so much. I totally agree I always feel better when I can just say things out loud - I often have come on here and rambled not to get answers more just to spill out random things in my head.
I have been speaking to my daughter this morning and said regardless of anyone’s feelings towards my mum or not being close to them or anything they shouldn’t want to see me going through this and should want to help and support me if no one else. I feel my dads head must be mashed and I will do everything possible to prevent any extra burden on his head and if it means doing stuff my mum SHOULD do rather than her nagging at him then I’ll do it for now. I’m telling her gently but firmly she needs to be doing stuff but want to help as much as I can.
I’m scared and don’t know what’s going to happen and I need to be able to say that out loud and not keep it in my head.

[belfastbabe]

Well done for taking these steps- you have been very eloquent in writing down your feelings and the situation so far. I hope you get the help you need to cope and that Wednesday gives positive news and clarity. As others have said try to take things one step at a time.

[Sandra & co]

How awful for you, your dh and family should support you, they are doing it for you not anyone else. My dh has always helped me, taking me to the hospital when my mum was sick and now his dad is ill he goes round helping doing jobs. Your mum sounds like a nightmare but I can’t see her changing now, her making your dad call a ambulance himself is terrible. I hope your dh has agreed to help and my kids weren't really that great with family and illness, but get them to step up and do something. I hope it all works out and your dad gets better soon xxx

[Ellelledee]

Originally Posted by Sandra & co

How awful for you, your dh and family should support you, they are doing it for you not anyone else. My dh has always helped me, taking me to the hospital when my mum was sick and now his dad is ill he goes round helping doing jobs. Your mum sounds like a nightmare but I can’t see her changing now, her making your dad call a ambulance himself is terrible. I hope your dh has agreed to help and my kids weren't really that great with family and illness, but get them to step up and do something. I hope it all works out and your dad gets better soon xxx

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My mum is a nightmare and I have had lots of issues with her. I know some people might think it’s shock or whatever but this is how she is so it’s not shock. My dad has had surgery in the past and she absolutely won’t do ANYTHING and then complains loudly if I haven’t been able to help - once annoyed with me that DH and I had had a drink on a summers day after I had previously taken her shopping because I couldn’t drive her to a shop she could easily walk to because my dad needed something. My dh was in intensive care with swine flu and I was beside myself and doing everything for myself while I had the kids too but I wanted to be with him and dropped everything so I could. I’m going to go with him when I can - she is planning on sending him off on hospital transport if he has appointments I can’t understand why she wouldn’t want to go with him! I was just really low this morning and needed to spill.

[Loopylooloo]

Elledee, am so sorry you are going through this, I don’t have any advice to give, but am sending you a big hug. Thinking of you, please come here anytime for chat x

[Ellelledee]

Originally Posted by Loopylooloo

Elledee, am so sorry you are going through this, I don’t have any advice to give, but am sending you a big hug. Thinking of you, please come here anytime for chat x

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Thank you x

[Shutterbug]

Sorry to hear you're going through this, it can be very daunting when a parent is ill and you're the one picking things up (had something similar last year with parents in law) i'd suggest get a new notebook that you can dedicate to jotting down any questions you might have when they come to mind, things you need to remember, any points from medical appts etc as it might help as when I need to ask something, the question has often floated out of my head or it was hard to take in information from doctors.

[Talland 2016]

Originally Posted by Shutterbug

Sorry to hear you're going through this, it can be very daunting when a parent is ill and you're the one picking things up (had something similar last year with parents in law) i'd suggest get a new notebook that you can dedicate to jotting down any questions you might have when they come to mind, things you need to remember, any points from medical appts etc as it might help as when I need to ask something, the question has often floated out of my head or it was hard to take in information from doctors.

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This is what I was going to suggest
Have a notebook or piece of paper to jot down any questions you think of before now and Wednesday
Sending hugs xx

[excitedbunny79]

Speaking as an only child I know how it feels to have the burden of responsibility on your shoulders.
I often feel responsible for my parents happiness. I’m now 42 and it took me 40 years and a supportive partner to realise their emotional happiness isn’t my responsibility, it was a huge moment when I accepted that! I now don’t care who they complain to, I know that just as my Mum complains about everyone else, she also does the same about me to my Dad and there is nothing I can do to change that. So instead of changing her, I’ve changed myself. What made the difference though is having a partner who supported me and accepted the guilt I felt and helped me when I needed it without judgement.
Your husband and family need to put their feelings aside, which is more than likely a protective instinct over you, and be there for you. They’ll probably find when they do this, they’ll also be less angry with your Mum as well, which is a double win! Hope you get the support you need, being an only child is tough when it comes to dealing with parents.