Divorce

[Bootrip2]

I think too he has had legal advice. He will need to wait to give you time to process the information and ‘catch up’ with solicitors etc. I would also be seeking to stop ANY over payments on the pensions and mortgage etc until you know what your new monthly financial commitments will be. Have you done a child maintenance calculator - there is one online. That will give you an idea of what he should be paying for his children. I would expect if he is on a large wage he could confortably afford to move out. X

[EssexSue]

Originally Posted by Bootrip2

I think too he has had legal advice. He will need to wait to give you time to process the information and ‘catch up’ with solicitors etc. I would also be seeking to stop ANY over payments on the pensions and mortgage etc until you know what your new monthly financial commitments will be. Have you done a child maintenance calculator - there is one online. That will give you an idea of what he should be paying for his children. I would expect if he is on a large wage he could confortably afford to move out. X

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I was thinking the same, after all we dont know how long he's been planning this. Please get advice Vampireness.

[duchy]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

It’s because for the universal credit if you live in the same house you have to show you are separate so end up being flat mates basically.
So if everything is coming out his account and I just pay him the money “rent” then that’s covered my portion of the bills, I can show that we are not financially linked and then I will be ok.

No point in even talking to him anymore. Go through solicitors is all he says.

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You don’t need to pay him anything at this point and shouldn’t . You own the house equally so you don’t pay him “rent”.
You are married so it’s not “his pension” , it is a marital asset.
Everything you jointly own goes into one pot and is calculated.
You can be single for Universal Credit purposes whilst still under the same roof if you have separated , if you have taken legal advice then that’s your paper trail if asked to prove it .
You should also change child benefit into a single parent claim.
It’s entirely possible you can give up your rights to a share of his pension in exchange for a larger portion of the other assets of the marriage .
It’s also possible you may be able to stay in the marital home until the children are eighteen and it’s not sold til then .
The fact you earn less is completely irrelevant , even if you earned nothing you’d still be equally entitled to the same at least as him. Your contribution as the child’s primary carer counts.
It sounds like he knows some of this at least already and knows if you leave you will lose some ground legally , so DON’T !

Get yourself educated, I know it’s hard when all you want to do is cry , but what you do now can make a huge difference to you and your child’s future financially. Citizen’s advice AND a solicitor must be your first port of call , not one or the other but BOTH. CAB will help you sort out benefits, essential in the short term and the solicitor will explain your position and how to protect yourself financially .
You can bet he will have a solicitor so you need one too.
I have a feeling you work in a similar industry to me so likely your employer has a staff help line (it’s confidential) and it includes legal advice , call HR and find out if it isn’t in the staff handbook. Your house insurance may also have legal cover, check that too.
It’s scary and you want to just run away from it all, I get that but you simply can’t without disadvantaging you and your child’s future .
Everyone is here for you, you aren’t alone

[vampiress88]

I wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage on this house on my own. It’s the same amount as my basic wage so got no chance on that.
I spoke to CAB and they have said that universal credit will be rejected due to having a joint account.

It is killing me to be in the same house and ignoring each other. Getting used to sleeping alone.

He won’t have got a solicitor. He won’t have wanted to pay for one nor will he want to go to court as he knows he will lose.

This is not what I want. I just want a happy family

[Gill635]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

I wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage on this house on my own. It’s the same amount as my basic wage so got no chance on that.
I spoke to CAB and they have said that universal credit will be rejected due to having a joint account.

It is killing me to be in the same house and ignoring each other. Getting used to sleeping alone.

He won’t have got a solicitor. He won’t have wanted to pay for one nor will he want to go to court as he knows he will lose.

This is not what I want. I just want a happy family

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Please see a solicitor. Chances are he will have to continue to pay the mortgage whilst you and the kids live there, please don’t worry about affording it right now.

I know it’s hard, and I know you’re hurting, but right now you need to put that to one side and deal with it later. Protecting yourself and your kids has to come first.

CAB and a solicitors on Monday is the absolute best advice anyone on here can give you.

Having helped a friend with some of this a few years ago, you are more entitled to things than he seems to have you thinking.

We are all here for any emotional support you need, but right now legal advice is what you need to prioritise.

Sending you lots of gentle hugs

[EssexSue]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

I wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage on this house on my own. It’s the same amount as my basic wage so got no chance on that.
I spoke to CAB and they have said that universal credit will be rejected due to having a joint account.

It is killing me to be in the same house and ignoring each other. Getting used to sleeping alone.

He won’t have got a solicitor. He won’t have wanted to pay for one nor will he want to go to court as he knows he will lose.

This is not what I want. I just want a happy family

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He might have got the free half hour tho, please, please listen to the people on here who have been through this. If it's decided you should stay in the family home it will not be just your salary. X

[Colette-S]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

I wouldn’t be able to afford the mortgage on this house on my own. It’s the same amount as my basic wage so got no chance on that.
I spoke to CAB and they have said that universal credit will be rejected due to having a joint account.

It is killing me to be in the same house and ignoring each other. Getting used to sleeping alone.

He won’t have got a solicitor. He won’t have wanted to pay for one nor will he want to go to court as he knows he will lose.

This is not what I want. I just want a happy family

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Things will get better Vampire. As well as the realisation the fear and worry will be making things worse. Make that solicitors appointment and get some advice. It will give you some clarity and reassurance knowing you have someone to help you work through it all.
DONT worry about whether you can afford the house at this stage - your DH is on a decent salary and has a pension so may well be ordered to pay.
Just concentrate on keeping yourself busy and getting through this weekend.

[Colette-S]

Vampire you need to stop thinking of assets as being ‘his’. At the minute you are still married so those assets are joint (there are few exceptions including certain things accrued before marriage but from the basic knowledge of your history I don’t think this would apply). If and when the marriage is ended those assets would be split and allocated between you - he doesn’t just get to walk away and take what he pleases.
Additionally, the courts main concern will never be the finances or minute details of the relationship. The welfare and future of your children will be paramount and primarily considered in almost every step and decision throughout the process. You both have a duty to ensure the children are looked after in the best possible way for them with as little disruption and upset as possible.
This is not legal advice as such, just basic facts to try to reassure you as you prepare yourself .
I keep saying it as its so important but get legal advice ASAP.

[danisleigh]

I know lots of divorced couples which children where the wife has been able to stay in the house with the children and the ex husband has had to continue paying the mortgage so I would definitely get some advice. I am sorry for you that it has come to this and I will be thinking of you and your little girls but I know that while you won’t see it now, you will all be ok x

[GoldenAvalanche]

Originally Posted by danisleigh

I know lots of divorced couples which children where the wife has been able to stay in the house with the children and the ex husband has had to continue paying the mortgage so I would definitely get some advice. I am sorry for you that it has come to this and I will be thinking of you and your little girls but I know that while you won’t see it now, you will all be ok x

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I think it might be called a Mesher order.