Anyone else's child like this?

[Lu Lu]

I'm not sure whether I should be worried about our DS who is 12 at the end of Feb. He's always been very different to his older brother, more highly strung, a bit of a handful, and very mood-swingy (with lots of anger).

At the moment I am getting more worried that he doesn't seem to be growing out of some negative behaviours where I thought he would. One thing is that he (says he) hates everything - football training (but likes playing games), hates everything about school and we thought this would change when he started secondary. He hates games, TV shows, is rarely interested in doing much - although when we get him out of the house he loves a bike ride/ climbing trees.

He came home yesterday upset because his attitude to learning scores have reduced at school and we talked about what he could do to improve but he just shrugs and says he doesn't care. If we have to tell him off for something he does the same and says he doesn't care and sometimes he says mean things to me and I tell him he's hurt my feelings but he doesn't care.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of the time he is such a lovely little boy - we laugh and cuddle and can have a conversation but when things aren't going right for him he gets like this - hates things and doesn't care - and we can't snap him out of it.

He also doesn't have many friends and I think this gets him down but I don't think it's because no one likes him, I think he just doesn't make the effort with others and I'm not sure why.

I just wondered if anyone else has gone through similar things with their children? Or if I just need to let things run their course and keep supporting him to do his best?

[salmim]

How is he on Sports? You say he likes football?
Why not try the local Boxing or MMA Club. Great fitness training, make new friends, good discipline and self worth, plus self defence if needed. Two of my sons from 13, one boxed and now MMA trainer at 30.
There are of course other sports 😀
Anyway I hope all goes well for him it's sometimes not easy being young!

[Rac20]

Some of what you are describing is probably age related - puberty hits them hard. Mood swings/anger etc. You could contact school and see if there has been a change that they have noticed? Might be able to offer reassurance?

My eldest DS had a very tough time (as did we) when he was that age. He still has his moments but fingers crossed, we’re through the other side now.

[JudeB]

Having had two DSs (now 20 and 17), as pp said, it does sound age related. Moving from the lovely little boy into a moody teenager.
I have no magic formula, sorry. We've made plenty of mistakes with our boys, but they are starting to come out the other side and turning into lovely young men.

My main advice is to try to keep the lines of communication open by saying more positive things than negative. On occasion I would find myself waking my DS up and immediately saying things like 'look at the state of your room' etc. Of course we have to parent responsibly and there will be times we do have to correct them etc, but if the positive comments outway the negative ones, I think it definitely helps.
Also, as you have found yourself - getting out for a family walk or bike ride is great for their mood and mental and physical health. They will complain about not wanting to go, but when you convince them to go, it really is good. We usually try to follow it up with a picnic or a cup of coffee or icecream while we are out.

It is a tough few years, but you will get through it.

[Lu Lu]

Originally Posted by salmim

How is he on Sports? You say he likes football?
Why not try the local Boxing or MMA Club. Great fitness training, make new friends, good discipline and self worth, plus self defence if needed. Two of my sons from 13, one boxed and now MMA trainer at 30.
There are of course other sports 😀
Anyway I hope all goes well for him it's sometimes not easy being young!

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He likes football when playing matches but hates the whole warming up/ training aspect. He might like doing something like boxing I'll look into that. He did do karate years ago but got bored of that too. What's MMA?

Originally Posted by Rac20

Some of what you are describing is probably age related - puberty hits them hard. Mood swings/anger etc. You could contact school and see if there has been a change that they have noticed? Might be able to offer reassurance?

My eldest DS had a very tough time (as did we) when he was that age. He still has his moments but fingers crossed, we’re through the other side now.

See more...

He's been like this for years though so I don't think it is puberty related he's just always been a bit like this. I guess puberty might make it worse. He's only been in the school since September and they don't know him any differently.

Glad you're on the other side with your DS.

Originally Posted by JudeB

Having had two DSs (now 20 and 17), as pp said, it does sound age related. Moving from the lovely little boy into a moody teenager.
I have no magic formula, sorry. We've made plenty of mistakes with our boys, but they are starting to come out the other side and turning into lovely young men.

My main advice is to try to keep the lines of communication open by saying more positive things than negative. On occasion I would find myself waking my DS up and immediately saying things like 'look at the state of your room' etc. Of course we have to parent responsibly and there will be times we do have to correct them etc, but if the positive comments outway the negative ones, I think it definitely helps.
Also, as you have found yourself - getting out for a family walk or bike ride is great for their mood and mental and physical health. They will complain about not wanting to go, but when you convince them to go, it really is good. We usually try to follow it up with a picnic or a cup of coffee or icecream while we are out.

It is a tough few years, but you will get through it.

See more...

We do try to be positive I just worry that letting it ride out rather than challenging some of it might make him think it's OK not to care about things that are quite important.

Hot chocolates and milk shakes usually win him over after a walk!

[Charlangela]

Have you asked school if they have any concerns? It's always a good indicator that there may be something further underlying if they also support your concerns.

[salmim]

Originally Posted by Lu Lu

He likes football when playing matches but hates the whole warming up/ training aspect. He might like doing something like boxing I'll look into that. He did do karate years ago but got bored of that too. What's MMA?



He's been like this for years though so I don't think it is puberty related he's just always been a bit like this. I guess puberty might make it worse. He's only been in the school since September and they don't know him any differently.

Glad you're on the other side with your DS.



We do try to be positive I just worry that letting it ride out rather than challenging some of it might make him think it's OK not to care about things that are quite important.

Hot chocolates and milk shakes usually win him over after a walk!

See more...

Hi, MMA is Mixed Martial Arts.they are tough Sports and can change young people's lives and make good friends.
I hope all goes well.

[holidaysaver75]

I feel like you’ve just described our 12 year old word for word - the only thing he likes is gaming and his bike. He’s always in bits of trouble at school, usually low level but he got himself in big trouble this week. However it does seem (fingers crossed) that it’s sunk in a bit this week that he’s gone too far. He’s a comedian and a risk taker. His two older brothers were so different at that age - he’s like a breed apart. Like your ds, he’s always been a bit like this. With friends, he’s liked but always seems on the edge of a group. He’s very reactive and over the top. But he can be lovely and super helpful.

Hot chocolates and milkshakes work here too.

[Lu Lu]

Originally Posted by holidaysaver75

I feel like you’ve just described our 12 year old word for word - the only thing he likes is gaming and his bike. He’s always in bits of trouble at school, usually low level but he got himself in big trouble this week. However it does seem (fingers crossed) that it’s sunk in a bit this week that he’s gone too far. He’s a comedian and a risk taker. His two older brothers were so different at that age - he’s like a breed apart. Like your ds, he’s always been a bit like this. With friends, he’s liked but always seems on the edge of a group. He’s very reactive and over the top. But he can be lovely and super helpful.

Hot chocolates and milkshakes work here too.

See more...

Sounds similar then? My eldest is so different and I try not to compare the two but it’s hard to wonder how it happened when they’ve both been brought up the same (I know it’s not really but we’ve tried our best).

Any tips?

[Gabsnoot]

Is it possible that he is bored in school, are they making an effort to engage him. Could he maybe be gifted/able?