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Old 21 Feb 19, 05:58 AM  
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Originally Posted by 3disneykids View Post
Glad you have got through this difficult day. It really is one day at a time from now but each one you manage will make you stronger. You will never forget him and wouldn't want to but you will make it through this difficult time . Sending you hugs xx
Thank you. I have been awake since 3am but I think I’ve just been processing ...
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Old 21 Feb 19, 09:57 AM  
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Originally Posted by Ds4ljs View Post
Thank you. I have been awake since 3am but I think I’ve just been processing ...
I am still processing and having sleepless nights but do have times where it isn't all consuming. At the moment I have been up with pure guilt but have days where I can have a nice day with my children and am thankful for those days. It really isn't easy at all. I find distractions the best way of getting myself through this.
I have to say that the Dibb in general has helped me through a lot in the last few months. At the minute I find face to face contact very difficult and this has been a real lifeline for me. I definitely fee that sharing rather than bottling these feelings is a healthy way to process them.
Sending you hugs xxx
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Old 21 Feb 19, 10:02 AM  
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I agree with 3Disneykids (really must ask your actual name sometime!) I've found The Dibb & particularly this thread so comforting.

It's a VERY long journey, I'm not expecting to ever really feel how I did when I still had my parents, it's all just so raw and ≈≈≈≈.

I physically can't talk about it, I get an actual block in my throat when I try so having an outlet where you can pour it out without the need to talk is invaluable. Our local hospice keep phoning me to try and counsel me but it's really not working!

Glad the day went as well as it could and we're all here for you and each other xx

Jo
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Old 21 Feb 19, 10:34 PM  
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Originally Posted by PoohBears#1fan View Post
I agree with 3Disneykids (really must ask your actual name sometime!) I've found The Dibb & particularly this thread so comforting.

It's a VERY long journey, I'm not expecting to ever really feel how I did when I still had my parents, it's all just so raw and ≈≈≈≈.

I physically can't talk about it, I get an actual block in my throat when I try so having an outlet where you can pour it out without the need to talk is invaluable. Our local hospice keep phoning me to try and counsel me but it's really not working!

Glad the day went as well as it could and we're all here for you and each other xx

Jo
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Hi Jo,
I know exactly what you mean about feeling choked. I have been avoiding going out in the local town so I don't come across Mums friends or having to tell anyone I know about it . I have only told very close friends as I just can't face it.
I haven't tried counselling yet. I just feel that no-one can 'fix' these feelings. Maybe I am wrong I think it takes people who can understand these emotions talking in a real way like we do rather than someone wanting me to explore my feelings.

I truly appreciate my DIBB friends and being able to support each other through this xx

Charlie x

Edited at 11:04 PM.
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Old 22 Feb 19, 12:23 AM  
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Thank you Jo and Charlie. It really helps me when I read you comments and realise I’m not going mad, just grieving. Back to work on Monday. Really dreading it.
Lindsey
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Old 22 Feb 19, 09:02 AM  
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Originally Posted by Ds4ljs View Post
Thank you Jo and Charlie. It really helps me when I read you comments and realise I’m not going mad, just grieving. Back to work on Monday. Really dreading it.
Lindsey
A huge hug for you making it through. It’s just horrible. It messes your head up so much. And no you are not going mad at all xxxx
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Old 22 Feb 19, 09:31 AM  
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Originally Posted by Ds4ljs View Post
Thank you Jo and Charlie. It really helps me when I read you comments and realise I’m not going mad, just grieving. Back to work on Monday. Really dreading it.
Lindsey
xx

I would really consider taking a little extra time off. I really don't think work places give enough compassionate leave.
Sending hugs xx

Originally Posted by WileyCoyote View Post
A huge hug for you making it through. It’s just horrible. It messes your head up so much. And no you are not going mad at all xxxx
How are things going for you? It really does mess your head up badly.
Sending hugs xx

Charlie x
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Old 22 Feb 19, 10:26 AM  
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A big hug to you all. I never thought we would all feel so upset. My FIL was a difficult person when he was alive and I thought we might just all do the 'well at least he's not in pain anymore' etc type response but that has not been the case. We are trying to find those moments in our memories when we all had a laugh.
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Old 22 Feb 19, 11:48 AM  
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Originally Posted by BarrettFamily View Post
A big hug to you all. I never thought we would all feel so upset. My FIL was a difficult person when he was alive and I thought we might just all do the 'well at least he's not in pain anymore' etc type response but that has not been the case. We are trying to find those moments in our memories when we all had a laugh.
I agree that the funny memories really do help, the hole that grief leaves has to be filled with something so it might as well make us smile. Keep telling myself one day at a time, my Dad would not want me to be sad.
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Old 22 Feb 19, 11:46 PM  
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Originally Posted by BarrettFamily View Post
A big hug to you all. I never thought we would all feel so upset. My FIL was a difficult person when he was alive and I thought we might just all do the 'well at least he's not in pain anymore' etc type response but that has not been the case. We are trying to find those moments in our memories when we all had a laugh.
Hi, hope you are all okay.
Part of me does have the 'I am glad she isn't in pain anymore' about my Mum. What she went through was awful torture and I feel relieved that she isn't suffering.
That doesn't take away my own selfish emotional pain of feeling lost, hurt and guilt. I felt part of me missing when my dad died and then when my mum died. I'm not sure if I will ever feel whole again.
I get angry at myself as all the awful memories if the last year and a half of her life as completely clouded over the good memories for which I feel a lot of guilt (I think the trauma makes me think constantly about all the bad things she was put through).
I feel constantly guilty that my children have had to witness this and that they only have one grandparent left.

Sorry ended up rambling .
My point was that I like you thought that feeling glad she was no longer in pain would be a settling thought for me but it hasn't been but I am sure we will be able to get through this somehow.

Sending lots of hugs xxx
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