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21 Feb 19, 05:58 AM |
#121
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Imagineer
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21 Feb 19, 09:57 AM |
#122
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Thread Starter
Imagineer
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I am still processing and having sleepless nights but do have times where it isn't all consuming. At the moment I have been up with pure guilt but have days where I can have a nice day with my children and am thankful for those days. It really isn't easy at all. I find distractions the best way of getting myself through this.
I have to say that the Dibb in general has helped me through a lot in the last few months. At the minute I find face to face contact very difficult and this has been a real lifeline for me. I definitely fee that sharing rather than bottling these feelings is a healthy way to process them. Sending you hugs xxx |
21 Feb 19, 10:02 AM |
#123
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Imagineer
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I agree with 3Disneykids (really must ask your actual name sometime!) I've found The Dibb & particularly this thread so comforting.
It's a VERY long journey, I'm not expecting to ever really feel how I did when I still had my parents, it's all just so raw and ≈≈≈≈. I physically can't talk about it, I get an actual block in my throat when I try so having an outlet where you can pour it out without the need to talk is invaluable. Our local hospice keep phoning me to try and counsel me but it's really not working! Glad the day went as well as it could and we're all here for you and each other xx Jo x
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21 Feb 19, 10:34 PM |
#124
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Thread Starter
Imagineer
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Hi Jo,
I know exactly what you mean about feeling choked. I have been avoiding going out in the local town so I don't come across Mums friends or having to tell anyone I know about it . I have only told very close friends as I just can't face it. I haven't tried counselling yet. I just feel that no-one can 'fix' these feelings. Maybe I am wrong I think it takes people who can understand these emotions talking in a real way like we do rather than someone wanting me to explore my feelings. I truly appreciate my DIBB friends and being able to support each other through this xx Charlie x Edited at 11:04 PM. |
22 Feb 19, 12:23 AM |
#125
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Imagineer
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Thank you Jo and Charlie. It really helps me when I read you comments and realise I’m not going mad, just grieving. Back to work on Monday. Really dreading it.
Lindsey |
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22 Feb 19, 09:02 AM |
#126
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I am not a shopaholic
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A huge hug for you making it through. It’s just horrible. It messes your head up so much. And no you are not going mad at all xxxx
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2022 Dom Republic /2019 New Orleans, Jekyll, Hilton Head, Charleston, Savannah, Palm Coast, Clearwater/2019 DLP /2018 Dubai /Miami,New Orleans, Orlando, Largo/2017 Dallas,New Orleans,Little Rock,Eureka Springs,Memphis,Nashville,Orlando/Mar 2017 Orlando, Clearwater, Largo /2016 NYC,Washington, Orlando /2015 Windsor Palms / 2014 Our Wedding Trip - Portofino Bay & Yacht Club / 2013 FantasyWorld Resort/ 2012 East & West Coast. Double Disney. |
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22 Feb 19, 09:31 AM |
#127
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Thread Starter
Imagineer
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22 Feb 19, 10:26 AM |
#128
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VIP Dibber
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A big hug to you all. I never thought we would all feel so upset. My FIL was a difficult person when he was alive and I thought we might just all do the 'well at least he's not in pain anymore' etc type response but that has not been the case. We are trying to find those moments in our memories when we all had a laugh.
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Vicki Cocoa Beach / Int Drive 1991 - Honeymoon Villa 1997 WDW All Stars Movies 2001- 10th Anniversary WDW Carribean Beach Resort 2006 WDW All Stars Music 2008 WDW Saratoga Springs Resort and Spa 2018 - 50th Birthday Celebration with Mum. |
22 Feb 19, 11:48 AM |
#129
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Imagineer
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22 Feb 19, 11:46 PM |
#130
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Thread Starter
Imagineer
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Hi, hope you are all okay.
Part of me does have the 'I am glad she isn't in pain anymore' about my Mum. What she went through was awful torture and I feel relieved that she isn't suffering. That doesn't take away my own selfish emotional pain of feeling lost, hurt and guilt. I felt part of me missing when my dad died and then when my mum died. I'm not sure if I will ever feel whole again. I get angry at myself as all the awful memories if the last year and a half of her life as completely clouded over the good memories for which I feel a lot of guilt (I think the trauma makes me think constantly about all the bad things she was put through). I feel constantly guilty that my children have had to witness this and that they only have one grandparent left. Sorry ended up rambling . My point was that I like you thought that feeling glad she was no longer in pain would be a settling thought for me but it hasn't been but I am sure we will be able to get through this somehow. Sending lots of hugs xxx |
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