Can anyone help me with ADHD advice?

[natanddaz]

So as some of you maybe aware I have 3 children DS 12 diagnosed with autism DD 8 "neurotypical" and DS 6 who has always been hardwork but whom I would have said is "neurotypical" up to a few months a go. However in the past few months he has started to display some very worrying behaviour particularly at school. To be honest it's been awful. Started off with the odd shouting out in class then being a bit rough in the playground but before half term it came to a head when he completely lost it in class was being really aggressive and the other children had to be evacuated. I feel like I'm living a bit of a nightmare at the moment I dont know where to turn of where to go as his behaviours has escalated so quickly. I'm working with the school have filled out the eha but even they are saying they may need to look at fixed term exclusions because his behaviour is unsafe. Naturally Iv done a ton of research and everything is pointing to ADHD I would say alot of the signs have been there all along but quite mild and why I have put it down to him still being little just a rough boy etc but it's gone beyond that now. Feel like such a failure not seeing it sooner. At home he is generally ok but this half term has been challenging with more outburst and anger then I have ever seen from him.
I'm not really sure what the point to my post is just wondered if anyone has been through anything similar if anyone can assure me of any light at the end of the tunnel?
Although my eldest DS is autistic he is such a beautiful calm boy who is just a bit quirky and as long as we avoid his triggers meltdowns are easily avoided. This is just a different ball game which I feel totally unequipped for.

[babbymint]

Sorry to hear that you’re all having such a tough time.
If you haven’t already been, I think your first port of call should be a visit to the GP (if you can get one). Tell them what’s been going on, and that should start off the ball rolling to a diagnosis, although that probably will be a long wait.
ultimately if diagnosed there is an option of medication, which is a decision individuals need to take, but it can work really well.
There are some free online courses around this subject which are well worth doing so that you can be fully informed if that’s what the diagnosis ends up being.

[Floridababy16]

Sorry to hear you are going through this, I hope a resolution comes your way soon.

I have been in a similar situation with my DD when she was in primary school. She wasn't aggressive, more fidgety, lacking concentration, shouting out, making excuses to leave her chair to visit the toilet etc etc and would occasionally make impulsive choices but on the other hand she is academically where she should be and exceeding in some areas BUT at the same time her report was red throughout for behaviour during lessons (Yep, how can that be possible?) My DD would always have what she thought was a valid reason for her behaviours. It was always appeared to DD to be someone else's fault and there was always a story behind every issue. She would even get into trouble for being too giddy in the playground and the school would give her lots of allowances for time out on Ipads etc so she basically used this to her advantage. We did agree with the school to seek the opinion of an expert but despite chasing this up, nothing transpired.

Anyway, fast forward and DD is now at senior school. She is still happy, hyper and her giddy little self at home but is much more calm at school. DD's school is extremely strict on behaviour and they have high expectations for the all children. She has figured out that the old days of pushing the limits is over. She recognises her behaviour and poor choices at primary school which is a huge positive and relief.

Her first report starting high school has recently come through and she is now exceeding expectations across all areas and was awarded Maths Pupil award out of the whole year group. I honestly couldn't believe they were talking about the same child!

Could there be anything or anyone at school/home that is triggering this aggressive behaviour? when you say he is showing all the tell tale signs of ADHD, are they similar to what we were experiencing with my DD? Is his behaviour the same at home as at school?

I'm thinking of you, I know exactly where your head space is right now but please do not be too hard on yourself

[Lostbrain]

I would push for EP involvement, if exclusion is a risk the school really need to pull out all the stops to understand and address behaviour. In our county primary schools have access to something called Behaviour Support Service and they do some amazing work. I’m a secondary teacher specialising in SEN and we have seen both kids completely turned around with the right intervention and sadly kids for whom our feeder primary schools have not done appropriate intervention.

I would make an appointment with the SENCO and produce a plan. ADHD can be very tricky, in my experience more so if it exists with another condition. It can be that with the right support children can thrive.
I was diagnosed with adhd at 35 and my son is very similar, we are on the incredibly long wait list for assessment for him. We have found that for him relationships in school are really important and us working closely with his teachers helps, he needs very clear expectations and boundaries. He has struggled with friendships and is drawn to people who will wind him up for giggles and we’ve needed school support with this.

Most schools will have an ELSA who will be trained and supervised by EP and support with social skills and behaviour, this may also be worth considering.

[Bootrip2]

Firstly i think you sound like you are doing a great job. I would contact GP, there will be a long wait for help, support and diagnosis so get ball rolling there.

Contact your SENCO at school and ask what they are going to do to support your DS, and how to get support from ed phsycologist. The school have a duty to support him, not just to threaten exclusion. They are aware and have highlighted the problem. Perhaps they can offer him extra support at his "trigger" times.

Try to find out if there is a local support group in your area to offer you somewhere you can get help also. X

[natanddaz]

Thank you so much everyone I really appreciate the replies. His main teacher is amazing and seems really committed to working out his triggers and putting in support for him but I do feel the more senior team are being more black and white- if this continues its unsafe and we will have to resort to exclusions 😥. It's just consuming me at the moment I can't focus at work I almost want to pack up and run away to a deserted island with them all to keep them safe.

[inky1]

I have sent you a PM .
If you weren’t a great mum you wouldn’t be so upset
Please be kind to yourself too .
As some one once told me you can’t pour from an empty glass.

[Bootrip2]

It might be worth getting the school to put their response, especially concerning exclusions in writing/email, you may need this later as how they are aware of problems and the threats of exclusion.
Unfortunately the battle is a long one to get your child into the right environment for his future learning. X

[inky1]

Originally Posted by Bootrip2

It might be worth getting the school to put their response, especially concerning exclusions in writing/email, you may need this later as how they are aware of problems and the threats of exclusion.
Unfortunately the battle is a long one to get your child into the right environment for his future learning. X

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I fully agree with this put any requests to them in writing and ask them to contact you this way too as you will then all be clear on what has or has not been agreed .
Sounds formal but I learned this too late and took too much at face value

[Bootrip2]

Originally Posted by inky1

I fully agree with this put any requests to them in writing and ask them to contact you this way too as you will then all be clear on what has or has not been agreed .
Sounds formal but I learned this too late and took too much at face value

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Unfortunately this has been the case with me too, best be clear and have a point of reference to refer back to. Never an easy journey and they are less likely to be discriminative than being face to face with you.