Holidays and family politics

[BucksBugsy]

I start this thread know that there is no right answer to this am just seeking opinions So basically no arguments please

I would like your opinions on a couple of things. This is really about SD and her 2 children (currently 2 and 4 years). Her partner is in and out of their lives. SD currently lived in her own place.

Going to Florida: When SD was younger we took her to WDW 4 times - she was 4 when she went the first time and remembers all of the trips. One the other hand my DD has been 3 times but was too young to remember the trips apart from through the photos and videos but is passionate about Disney and would love to go to WDW. She is working and could probably afford to make a contribution. DS has only ever been to DLP and was way to young to remember it.

So question 1) Given the above would you feel guilty about going to WDW with the two younger children knowing that SD and her grandchildren couldn't come with us.

DLP with the SD/Gcs I would be curious to know what dibbers would recommend in terms of accommodation for this size and mix of party? I may elaborate about certain aspects of the family dynamics as the thread unfolds.

[Scully]

We had the same issue, brother and his 2 boys could never afford to come on family trip... Mum, Sister, BIL, Me and DW - on this occasion I was able to cover the cost and bring my brother & his 2 boys.
But, If we couldn't have done that, I'd have felt guilty - the holiday wouldn't have been the same without them.

[BucksBugsy]

Originally Posted by Scully

We had the same issue, brother and his 2 boys could never afford to come on family trip... Mum, Sister, BIL, Me and DW - on this occasion I was able to cover the cost and bring my brother & his 2 boys.
But, If we couldn't have done that, I'd have felt guilty - the holiday wouldn't have been the same without them.

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It is a difficult one - I think if we went to WDW without Sd and GCs I would feel guilty but on the other side my DD (who works in a nursery) would be "volunteered" to be a free baby sitter if they did come. Now don't get me wrong I think when you take GCs away you want to try and give the parent a break (and also enjoy the time with the GCs) but it would be nice if it wasn't assumed that is why we were there. I suspect some of you may think this is a very selfish viewpoint but I desperately want to give DD and DS the attention SD got on the times we took her to WDW but I know if we go as one party that aint going to happen.

[Macca04]

We all went in 2001 and 2005, me, DH and the four children, which DH and I paid for. We went again in 2011 and my eldest son was 24 he had been seeing his partner for about a year and her little boy was 2. We went to Florida without them but took the rest of the family. I don't remember feeling guilty that they weren't coming with us I think at the time I thought the little one was only two and wouldn't remember it. We are all going this year, he is now 7 and there are 11 of us going me, DH, all the kids and their partners. We have paid for DGS and the majority of the villa but they are all paying for themselves which as they are all older now certainly helps our budget.

[daftmum]

Hmm tricky one. My SD was 4 on our first trip to dlp. We took her again a few more times before having my 2. When my 2 came along we carried on going to dlp and have been more times than I can remember. SD came on most of our trips except for one when we went during term time and she was doing exams and our trip to wdw when she was taking her a levels that year. Things had been tricky for those few years and SD was choosing not to spend time with us. She refused to come to a show dd was in as she had to revise. Reading this back I appreciate how that sounds but as I'm sure others with step children who don't live with them are aware there's a lot more going on behind the scenes! Did I feel guilty not taking her? Yes I did but at the time it was the right decision. SD now has a son of her own and we have been supporting her and her partner financially for the past 18 months (they live on their own) as they have made some extremely silly choices. We could not afford to pay for them to come as we would have had to pay everything including spending money for them. But We were not going to not take our 2 because of the choices she made. Yes I feel guilty and dh and I have discussed this in great length but she is now an independent! Woman with her own family. I know it's not the same level but we did take them all to Butlins last October half board and paid for everything else whilst there. We are planning to take them in dlp in 2 years time but want them to be financially independent of us first!

[BucksBugsy]

Originally Posted by daftmum

Hmm tricky one. My SD was 4 on our first trip to dlp. We took her again a few more times before having my 2. When my 2 came along we carried on going to dlp and have been more times than I can remember. SD came on most of our trips except for one when we went during term time and she was doing exams and our trip to wdw when she was taking her a levels that year. Things had been tricky for those few years and SD was choosing not to spend time with us. She refused to come to a show dd was in as she had to revise. Reading this back I appreciate how that sounds but as I'm sure others with step children who don't live with them are aware there's a lot more going on behind the scenes! Did I feel guilty not taking her? Yes I did but at the time it was the right decision. SD now has a son of her own and we have been supporting her and her partner financially for the past 18 months (they live on their own) as they have made some extremely silly choices. We could not afford to pay for them to come as we would have had to pay everything including spending money for them. But We were not going to not take our 2 because of the choices she made. Yes I feel guilty and dh and I have discussed this in great length but she is now an independent! Woman with her own family. I know it's not the same level but we did take them all to Butlins last October half board and paid for everything else whilst there. We are planning to take them in dlp in 2 years time but want them to be financially independent of us first!

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I'm going to read this in detail later but I suspect this is probably in closest to our situation and I thank you for posting.

It is over a decade since I have had a foreign holiday with my kids (in fact about from DLP when DS was about 9 months I have never been abroad with him)

To everyone who has posted in here I thank you for your opinions

Back later

[daftmum]

Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy

It is a difficult one - I think if we went to WDW without Sd and GCs I would feel guilty but on the other side my DD (who works in a nursery) would be "volunteered" to be a free baby sitter if they did come. Now don't get me wrong I think when you take GCs away you want to try and give the parent a break (and also enjoy the time with the GCs) but it would be nice if it wasn't assumed that is why we were there. I suspect some of you may think this is a very selfish viewpoint but I desperately want to give DD and DS the attention SD got on the times we took her to WDW but I know if we go as one party that aint going to happen.

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This! It's exactly what happened on our Butlins trip. I ended up babysitting and spent no time with my own children as their needs (at 12 and 14) were very different to that of a 9 month old. I did feel very resentful at the end of the week as I was looking forward to quality time with the kids and didn't get it, SD and her partner did! SD packed in her job whilst pregnant so spends all her time with her son ( I know she needed a break hence the holiday) the only time they looked after him was bed time, after they'd enjoyed the evening entertainment whilst I babysat!

[louiseybobs]

Originally Posted by daftmum

This! It's exactly what happened on our Butlins trip. I ended up babysitting and spent no time with my own children as their needs (at 12 and 14) were very different to that of a 9 month old. I did feel very resentful at the end of the week as I was looking forward to quality time with the kids and didn't get it, SD and her partner did! SD packed in her job whilst pregnant so spends all her time with her son ( I know she needed a break hence the holiday) the only time they looked after him was bed time, after they'd enjoyed the evening entertainment whilst I babysat!

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Lol and your username is daftmum you should have said no! It's different if you're staying in anyway and the baby is asleep as its no bother but if you wanted to go out even for a walk with your kids that's just not fair on you!


We did go to Florida with my parents in September last year and my mum and dad did feel guilty that my two brothers couldn't come especially as we made dad do a long haul flight for his 50th. They loved it that much they've booked again.
She's just registered on this site as xmillymollx xx

[Mr Tom Morrow]

The trouble is we all seem to have a guilt complex involving our Children and this doesn't change no matter what age they are!
We get it in to our heads that we must involve them and that brings financial implications.

My late Dad would have given us 2 children the shirt off his back. But financially he couldn't do anything and we accepted that. We had support instead. Fine.

We decided to take our Daughter, her Partner and the Granddaughter in April 15. That cost me the best part of £6K.
However it was our choice. I have no intention of doing it to that magnitude again though

However we want the then 6.5yr old Granddaughter to come with us for 2 weeks in Summer 17 and after taking advice on here about unaccompanied minors she is flying out with us and I will pay for her Mother to come for a week and she will return with her Daughter.

However the older they get the more children must learn to stand on their own 2 feet. Yes we will support but no we aren't a money tree.

[daytonababe]

I don't have step kids but I do have a DD of almost 18 and a son of 14 .

There has to come a point when they start paying their own way whether they be step kids or your own .

We are paying for next years trip for both kids and for the summer holiday to Spain next year but after that we've told the eldest she can come with us but she needs to pay herself .
I can't keep paying forever . She's been on holiday once and most twice a year since she was born . She's had all her driving lessons and car paid for it has to stop sometime .
Same will go for our son .

Your step daughter Is a adult with a family of her own , it's not your responsibility to pay for them to go on holiday ..

As for the childcare aspect , my parents holidayed with us a few times when my kids were little but aside from watching them whilst we went on big rides they never did any babysitting and nor did I expect them too .