Teen son not making decision about holiday

[tocpe321]

Tell him to give his head a wobble.

What a fantastic opportunity for a great holiday.

If he doesn't want to go, I'll go!

Give him a deadline of 2 weeks maximum.

[DisneyDaffodil]

It is a difficult one as you don’t want to close the door on him being able to come but the simple fact is there is a deadline for you as you need to know before you’re likely to lose too much money over this.

At 17, and it sounds as if he’s a sensible boy, he should be able to understand deadlines. He gets them for his A level assessments etc, this is exactly the same. I’d start with I understand it’s pressure for you but we have no choice but to know what you are doing before ‘insert deadline’. If you can’t decide by then, we can’t add you on later. I’d also give him the option to just do part of the holiday so he wouldn’t be away so long, but still say you need to know by the deadline.

It is true that they often spend a few years not wanting to come and then start again, usually with their partner coming along too. I can understand his girlfriend’s parents not wanting her to go for so long and so far this early on in the relationship though. Plus, even though they seem very happy now, anything could happen before your trip and if they break up you’d then have her costs to cover too so I wouldn’t be too keen on inviting her along until they’ve been together a bit longer.

[Mexy02]

I have a 17 yr old , it’s our last family holiday together this year as the eldest will be working and youngest probably uni /apprentice .
I think you have to be firm . If you want him to come with you tell him straight that you do. I made it clear this was the last one and I would be upset if they didn’t . They understood my descision and reasoning and both have girlfriends .
My eldest didnt come with us last time because of a girlfriend a regrets it now but that was his choice. He’s matured so can see that time with family is also precious and life and jobs will finally get in the way as he’s become an adult.
If he still chooses to stay at home again make it clear there are no amendments and stick to it .

I also have no intention of kids coming with us for a while after this trip as dh and I want some time to ourselves as well now the kids are older and places we want to go .

[evergreen]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

I think 4 weeks is a long time for a boy that age to be away.

See more...

I agree with this but 4.5 weeks would be to long for me to be honest,

[CarolynU]

You have given him options.
1: Come for the full time.
2: Come for a shortened time.
3: Don’t come at all.
I think that you’ve been more than fair.
Now is the time to say that you are really sorry but on x day you need a final decision as you aren’t willing to lose y money.
What you could offer is that if he is unable to make a decision by the deadline you will cancel him from the trip but if it all goes pear shaped with the girlfriend if he can find his own flights and whatever else he needs to re-join your trip for the same price then he can reinstate himself, although of course he might miss out in ADR’s or some things on your plan that no longer have additional vacancies but at his age he could just go solo in the parks or whatever.
What you must also emphasise is that if he does decide to come that does mean immersion into the family holiday not slinking off at every available moment to find wifi to spend hours contacting the girlfriend or moping about as he misses her so much lol!
If you offer him the option of adding himself back in you haven’t entirely closed the door on him but make him do the actual work to get himself back on. That’s a learning experience!

[mitch84]

Originally Posted by Reereef

I’d love him to come along, even for a few weeks.

I’m waiting on the phone to speak to someone at BA now (wish me luck). I’m going to see how much to change his flight and what happens if he does want to cancel.

See more...

A few weeks is forever at that age though, a long weekend was more than enough for me, a week if the location really suited me, I’d have done the cruise then gone home

[Floridarules]

Lovely as it sounds, it’s too long for him.
As others have said, coming, not coming, or part. Say you have to pay and therefore set a deadline.

[Blue nose]

Originally Posted by Bozza

I had a similar situaton with my 19-y-o daughter, who is in her first year of university, has a boyfriend and didn't want to come away for the full four weeks we have planned this summer.

So, she's flying out to join us halfway through, so we have two weeks before she arrives and then two weeks when she joins us, and we all fly home together.

Our holiday will have three distinct phases...

- Doing the WDW parks whilst staying in a WDW resort
- Doing the Universal parks whilst staying in a Universal hotel
- Chilling in a villa

I asked her to rank her preferences of those three and Universal was her least preferred so what we'll probably do is the following sequence...

- A week or so at Universal
- Two weeks at WDW
- A week in a villa

...with my daughter joining us halfway through the WDW bit.

See more...

This is what you need to do.

We all know he's not coming for the full time so stop asking

Now frame the question around which bit he would like to come. If you are there 4.5 weeks how are you splitting it, what portion would most interest him and give him that as the choice or stay home.

If it's something he want to do he may be interested in joining you for a week especially as GF is working.

Sit down, plan your holiday, give him options and then 48 hours to decide. It needs to be a specific choice of A or B.

[Reereef]

Originally Posted by Blue nose

This is what you need to do.

We all know he's not coming for the full time so stop asking

Now frame the question around which bit he would like to come. If you are there 4.5 weeks how are you splitting it, what portion would most interest him and give him that as the choice or stay home.

If it's something he want to do he may be interested in joining you for a week especially as GF is working.

Sit down, plan your holiday, give him options and then 48 hours to decide. It needs to be a specific choice of A or B.

See more...

Believe me I have. I would like him to come with us, but I’ve accepted that he may not want to, and I’ve offered to adjust his holiday to 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks…at any time. He knows that is an option.

I’ve also said that he won’t have to come everywhere with us on vacation either. He can stay by the pool whilst we go out, or in the condo. We can drop him off at parks if he fancies somewhere specific etc.

He’s concerned that he’d rather fly out with us, but then if he’s having fun he’ll have to leave and we get to stay.

Or, he stays home and his gf finishes with him, or works too much, and he’s got to wait ages doing nothing, whilst we’re already on holiday having a nice time.

He wants both. The holiday and the GF. He believes he’s in a lose lose situation.

[Reereef]

Thank you everyone for your messages.

I’ve called BA and they were fab. They said I could cancel his flight for free and get his ticket refunded as long as I do that before July 6th. They can also look to split his ticket from our booking and change his dates…we’d just have to pay any extra.

The cruise has to be paid for early May, so I guess we have until the end of April to decide.

Kids! 😂