Wwyd- seeing parents after two years apart

[vampiress88]

I don’t get along with my mother. I tried very hard to deal with the favouritism she did between me and my sisters and it all came to head two years ago when I cut her out of our life’s.
I must say that not having to deal with the stress of it all has been wonderful. I did some councilling at Christmas for other things and they agreed that cutting out the drama was good.

My hubby thought I should take to her and that I would regret not trying again. He interfered and last few months we have texted though I am not sure why.

He has now interfered again and has invited her for an hour this afternoon.

The only reason I am going along with it is for the kids as we asked them what they wanted and they said to see her.

I don’t think that anyone really understands how I feel about this. Why it was always so difficult and what it actually does to me as a person. I’ve never felt good enough/low self worth and unfortunately both my parents had a part in that.

I just don’t know how I am going to get through that hour.

[Jan]

I feel for you. Will your DH be there this afternoon? If so, could you just go out?

If mynDH had done that I would be soooo annoyed!

[scottishgirl1]

Very difficult situation for you I have experienced similar with my sister and she caused so much drama and hurt to my parents I made the decision to have no contact at all. There was no way to have a relationship the way it was before because of what she did to my parents. She kept sending cards to my kids and seemed to think they would still want contact however in our case my youngest is 18 and they all made the decision themselves that they want nothing more to do with her either due to what she did to their grandparents. They and my husband are actually more angry about it all than even I was

My parents still have minimal contact with her but to be honest even that usually still upsets them and brings it all back.

My only advice going forward would be to always have the kids or your DH there as well and that would stop any conversation getting too personal whilst still giving the kids the chance to see her

[EssexSue]

It's just an hour, I think you need to tell your husband that this could be closure and if you don't want to see her again he has to respect your wishes!

[duchy]

It’s an hour , just sixty minutes , you can do it ! (That said I’d be livid if my husband had done it but if the kids want to see her maybe that is why he did)
Would it be easier if it wasn’t in your home but on neutral territory ? Maybe book an afternoon tea out or something .sell it to them all as a “treat” rather than as a method of preserving your sanity ?

[ClaireNJ]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

I don’t get along with my mother. I tried very hard to deal with the favouritism she did between me and my sisters and it all came to head two years ago when I cut her out of our life’s.
I must say that not having to deal with the stress of it all has been wonderful. I did some councilling at Christmas for other things and they agreed that cutting out the drama was good.

My hubby thought I should take to her and that I would regret not trying again. He interfered and last few months we have texted though I am not sure why.

He has now interfered again and has invited her for an hour this afternoon.

The only reason I am going along with it is for the kids as we asked them what they wanted and they said to see her.

I don’t think that anyone really understands how I feel about this. Why it was always so difficult and what it actually does to me as a person. I’ve never felt good enough/low self worth and unfortunately both my parents had a part in that.

I just don’t know how I am going to get through that hour.

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I’m sorry you’ve been put in this situation, really Hubbie should’ve asked you first before doing this 😩😢
Just do it for the kids ❤️as it’s what they want to see her
Hope it goes ok xxx

[Eeyore rocks]

Looking at a nanas point of view, it would kill me if I couldn’t see my granddaughter for 2 years….it’s only 60 minutes, you can do it…for the sake of the children…then, if it doesn’t go well..you can have closure.

Good luck.

[katiec68]

So why is your husband not respecting your wishes?

Let him see her with the kids if that's what he/they want.

Go out. Meet a friend. Do something you'll enjoy - there is no need for you to see your mother when she causes you that much distress.

So what if its "only an hour" why should you put yourself through it?


I know I wouldn't!

And I think I'd be having a serious discussion with my DH if he pulled a stunt like that on me, regardless of his "intentions "!

[vampiress88]

Originally Posted by Eeyore rocks

Looking at a nanas point of view, it would kill me if I couldn’t see my granddaughter for 2 years….it’s only 60 minutes, you can do it…for the sake of the children…then, if it doesn’t go well..you can have closure.

Good luck.

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I can see it from a nanas view but I told her when my eldest was 4 months and again when my youngest was born that I felt s*** about everything cos of how I felt I was treated and I wasn’t going to have my kids treated that way.
Surely you would change how you were acting when told. But no my mother said I was jealous of my sister. That I have mental issue.
Tbh I was jealous and I told her so cos my sister got the version of my mum that I wanted.

It’s just a bad day. I had bad dreams I’m not really in a good place. Work is crap. Only way I am dealing with emotions is crying which isn’t helping. It’s one of those times I just want to run away and hide somewhere on my own until I don’t feel like this. I just can’t deal right now

[Dan's Mum]

Do you have to be there? If it is damaging for your mental health then don't put yourself in that situation, go for a walk, put some tunes/audio book on and immerse in something that will help you.

Could your husband take the children to see her at her house? That is what happened in my family as my mum didn't get on with dad's mum so she was never welcome at our house but it didn't stop me from visiting her.

Dee x