Not sure what to title this by thread other than‘I’m Angry’ UPDATE LAST PAGE

[Wazza]

So DD12 gets the train to school every day, it a short trip, barely 10 minutes and the train is usually quiet.

Thursday morning a strange man spent the entire journey trying to engage her in conversation asking about her badges, school emblem etc. DD repeatedly asked him to stop and did her best to ignore. Went she got up to get off he apologised if he had made her uncomfortable.

She handled it really well and reported it to school who informed us straight away. We’ve informed British Transport Police who are taking the matter seriously. But now DD no longer wants to get the train to school so we’ve had to rearrange our mornings.

A couple of people have said they’re sure he meant no harm, but what normal man would try to engage a young school girl he doesn’t know in conversation. I can only think he was up to no good and that seems to be the stance the police are taking.

The whole episode has left me angrier than I’ve ever been. I’d now fully advocate designated train carriages where adult men are banned.

Just needed to get this off my chest

[BevS97]

Im not surprised you are angry. There is no way of knowing his intention, and generally I prefer to see the good rather than the bad. But as soon as she asked him to stop, he needed to stop. And if he apologised, then it would appear he knew she was uncomfortable so there is no excuse.

Is is possible for your dd to get the train with a friend? She will eventually need the confidence to use the trains, so my gut feeling is she needs to get back on before it becomes a ‘fear’. But I totally understand why she would be hesitant.

[Bootrip2]

I too would be angry. Was she on her own in carriage? Its not nice being put in a difficult situation for anyone, but your DD should be proud of how she dealt with situation. Hopefully he can be ‘identified’ and spoken to. He may have meant no harm or realised he caused your DD to be upset, but the other flip side of what could have been is shocking. I’m with you for being angry. DH wouldnt have taken it well either.

[WIGGYSMUM]

Originally Posted by Wazza

So DD12 gets the train to school every day, it a short trip, barely 10 minutes and the train is usually quiet.

Thursday morning a strange man spent the entire journey trying to engage her in conversation asking about her badges, school emblem etc. DD repeatedly asked him to stop and did her best to ignore. Went she got up to get off he apologised if he had made her uncomfortable.

She handled it really well and reported it to school who informed us straight away. We’ve informed British Transport Police who are taking the matter seriously. But now DD no longer wants to get the train to school so we’ve had to rearrange our mornings.

A couple of people have said they’re sure he meant no harm, but what normal man would try to engage a young school girl he doesn’t know in conversation. I can only think he was up to no good and that seems to be the stance the police are taking.

The whole episode has left me angrier than I’ve ever been. I’d now fully advocate designated train carriages where adult men are banned.

Just needed to get this off my chest

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I would be angry too, it’s good to vent though !
No child should ever have to feel uncomfortable, your daughter did the right thing and so did you her parents. I’m glad to see BTP are taking it seriously.

I hope your daughter can overcome this 🙏🏻

[Wazza]

Originally Posted by BevS97

Im not surprised you are angry. There is no way of knowing his intention, and generally I prefer to see the good rather than the bad. But as soon as she asked him to stop, he needed to stop. And if he apologised, then it would appear he knew she was uncomfortable so there is no excuse.

Is is possible for your dd to get the train with a friend? She will eventually need the confidence to use the trains, so my gut feeling is she needs to get back on before it becomes a ‘fear’. But I totally understand why she would be hesitant.

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Unfortunately she’s one of only two in her year who travel from Harlow to the school in Bishops Stortford, and the other one goes by car.

I understand what you mean about developing a fear, but she has said she just doesn’t want to get the train for now and we will make sure we keep encouraging her and I’m sure by the time the new school year starts in September she’ll be ok again as she does like the independence she gets by going to school by train

We’re just glad we’d taught her well enough and she handled the situation so well

[dizzy1]

I agree that he should have stopped the conversation when asked, regardless of the situation, and I can understand why your daughter is distressed. I do suspect that the man may have been autistic - missing social clues and asking about badges. However, you have no way to know if this is correct, so caution is necessary. Even if he is autistic, a word to him from the police or a social worker about social boundaries seems to be needed.

[Wazza]

Originally Posted by Bootrip2

I too would be angry. Was she on her own in carriage? Its not nice being put in a difficult situation for anyone, but your DD should be proud of how she dealt with situation. Hopefully he can be ‘identified’ and spoken to. He may have meant no harm or realised he caused your DD to be upset, but the other flip side of what could have been is shocking. I’m with you for being angry. DH wouldnt have taken it well either.

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Yeah just the two of them in the carriage.

BTP have taken all the details and a description and are obtaining CCTV footage. They have advised if they do spot him on a train they will speak to him

[Wazza]

Originally Posted by dizzy1

I agree that he should have stopped the conversation when asked, regardless of the situation, and I can understand why your daughter is distressed. I do suspect that the man may have been autistic - missing social clues and asking about badges. However, you have no way to know if this is correct, so caution is necessary. Even if he is autistic, a word to him from the police or a social worker about social boundaries seems to be needed.

See more...

Autism or MH issues has crossed my mind, just the questions he was asking didn’t seem quite right eg ‘oh I see you’re a school librarian, what books do you like to read’. I’ll admit I don’t know as much as I should about autism, but that sort of question seems unlikely to me

[marypoppins38]

I would be furious too. I don't think you can attribute a man trying to engage a young girl into speaking to him as being on the autistic spectrum, that just doesn't seem fair to guys who are and who wouldn't dream of doing this. Some people are just inherently bad and seeing a young girl on her on in a quiet carriage will take that opportunity.
I was on our local train into Manchester a few years ago with DD and DS. DS would have been about 12 at the time and a man sat across the aisle kept trying to talk to him and asked him to sit with him, all while wearing one leather glove and stroking a bit of rope! I am afraid I lost my rag and told him in no uncertain terms where to go or else I would knock his head clean off. What shocked me more was that other people in the carriage just turned a blind eye. I think my mama bear definitely came out that day!

[Excitedx4]

I work with adults with learning disabilities and the 1st thing that came to my mind was autism/aspergers or possibly a personality disorder. Especially as his questions were all around the badges. These people are socially awkward and don’t quite understand social boundaries. When I’m supporting my service users they can be inappropriate when out and this is when we as support workers step in. I don’t think the questions asked were totally inappropriate around badges and could be totally innocent. Don’t forget all of our brains aren’t wired the same way. It is so easy to jump to conclusions but no harm was really done apart from your daughter feeling uncomfortable which is not great but also no harm done physically.