Funerals and not having one

[Mel49]

Originally Posted by Mr Tom Morrow

My curiosity got the better of me!

I have just checked 2 local Funeral Directors near me.

A direct funeral cremation. No mourners, no service is £995 and £1095 respectively.

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My Mum's in June was £1230 although to be honest cost wasn't an issue. The Cremation is still dealt with with care and compassion and I had to give them a wee bit of information that was to be read at the time. When I collected the ashes and was chatting they said the number of direct cremations has increased due to covid restrictions. At the time we felt it would be so sad with just 10 immediate family talking to ourselves about our Mum/Granny when we could do this in the privacy of our own home.

Having being through the process and my Dad's humanist service with people attending who hadn't seen him for years it has reaffirmed my wishes for a no fuss direct cremation.

[angelbabe]

Having lost both my parents at a relatively young age with both having funerals and being cremated I can't imagine how hard it would have been to not have said goodbye at their funerals. Even now I wish I'd been old enough to ask for them to be buried rather than cremated as I often wish I could visit a grave and feel that they were still close by.

It may seem silly to others but to me it's still a source of heartache 40 years on and if they hadn't had a funeral then it would have been worse.

I wouldn't want people to be crying at my funeral but I know that's an important part of the grieving process. For me, funerals are for those left behind to say their goodbyes.

[ILoveDaveLamb]

My mum was buried, with my dad, as older Catholics usually are. Not a lavish affair as it was this August. No limos due to social distancing. Cost not an issue but it was £5k. Did not pick the cheapest coffin but a £500 one. I think burial adds a lot? We are hoping to have a get together after social distancing ends to celebrate her life and I am looking forward to being able to hug my relatives.

I did not realise cremation could come in so much cheaper. I might opt for this and an (illegal) scattering of the old ashes at WDW. The difference would fund plane tickets.

Also when looking at brochure at funeral directors, the cardboard coffins were £500+. Not the bargain option. And wicker was astronomical.

[sophiepop]

Originally Posted by Mr Tom Morrow

My curiosity got the better of me!

I have just checked 2 local Funeral Directors near me.

A direct funeral cremation. No mourners, no service is £995 and £1095 respectively.

See more...

That'll do for me.

[Smilesonfaces]

Originally Posted by angelbabe

Having lost both my parents at a relatively young age with both having funerals and being cremated I can't imagine how hard it would have been to not have said goodbye at their funerals. Even now I wish I'd been old enough to ask for them to be buried rather than cremated as I often wish I could visit a grave and feel that they were still close by.

It may seem silly to others but to me it's still a source of heartache 40 years on and if they hadn't had a funeral then it would have been worse.

I wouldn't want people to be crying at my funeral but I know that's an important part of the grieving process. For me, funerals are for those left behind to say their goodbyes.

See more...

I felt so sad for you when I read your post. The pain of losing parents really never goes away. Sorry you lost your parents at a young age.

My mum passed away this March, I hadn’t seen her for a month due to this virus. I think without the funeral I would never have believed she was gone. We had no wake and only my brother, myself and the grandchildren at the crem. We planned a big family meal for September and we have purchased a cremation plot but we haven’t even been able to do that yet.

For myself I really don’t care what my family do. Funeral or no funeral. All that matters to me is what those I leave behind want.

[WhereIBelong]

My mum died on new years day. She knew for some time she was dying and had it all prearranged. The documents were on the kitchen table.

My sister was the only "local" , the rest of the family were spread far and wide. Her friends were all in their late 80s and at various stages of infirmity, (or decrepitude as she used to say) and because of where she lived on a Scottish Island the closest crematorium was a half day journey to Inverness for her friends, and a full day for family over the uk or beyond.

She knew the the journey would be too much for those who loved her, so was thinking of us all even at the end. It was a beautiful way to say goodbye to us all really. No funeral, just a zoom siblings "meet" with alcohol and cake (as she requested).

[ChrisS]

Don't remember the company details, but a few years ago we saw a documentary based around a NE undertaker determined to provide value cremations. One aspect I found interesting; a loaner coffin, the body is placed in a cardboard box which is placed in the coffin. Coffin rolls toward the furnace, box/body removed and sent into the furnace, undertaker is given his coffin back. That'll do for me!

Sadly there's an undertaker family in Blyth who've closed up, stating 'family differences', apparently father and son keep transferring blame to each other. It's left so many who've pre-paid high and dry, devastated elderly who don't have the funds to pay, let alone pre-pay again. One family is trying to recoup £4,000 as the undertakers didn't carry out their mother's funeral as planned. One of the directors said it had no protective kit to move Jean, who died from Covid-19. I find this beyond unacceptable, they accepted payment and provided a contract, surely it was their responsibility to subcontract this funeral to a company who did have the protective kit.

Initially Northumbria Police said it was a civil matter but so many are involved, add in the local MP pushing the issue, they are now investigating.

[Talland 2016]

My Dad hated funeral services and he had planned a family only short cremation service followed by a service of celebration and thanksgiving at church
It felt strange having the cream bit then another service, the vicar gave a lovely service talking about Dads life and there were lots of laughs during it
We then had an afternoon tea in the church hall
Although a sad day it was lovely for Dad
My Mum is planning the same

[caj]

Originally Posted by Talland 2016

My Dad hated funeral services and he had planned a family only short cremation service followed by a service of celebration and thanksgiving at church
It felt strange having the cream bit then another service, the vicar gave a lovely service talking about Dads life and there were lots of laughs during it
We then had an afternoon tea in the church hall
Although a sad day it was lovely for Dad
My Mum is planning the same

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I think that's what I want to happen. Hopefully there will be laughter amongst tears.

[LLamb]

My Nan died last year we just had a service at the crematorium. By sister did a reading, I read a nice poem. We had a priest from the church my sister goes to who lead the service.
Nobody wore black (told not too) and it was a lovely service, as funerals go.