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Old 16 Aug 16, 10:06 PM  
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Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy View Post
I know I have posted something about this before but really wanted advice from anyone going through a similar thing.

Sometimes when dibbers ask for advice on a matter they don't really want opinions they don't agree with. I have an open mind.

Our DS11 is 12 in September. However at the moment he is behaving like the teenager from hell. He can be rude (he can also be a wonderful child) but the moment he doesn't get his own way we certainly know about it.

He has just come back from a week long scout trip along with DW. It is scouting policy (which I totally agree with) that leaders don't look after their own kids. His behaviour caused complaints from the leader who was responsible for him.

This next bit is extremely difficult to write but here goes. I personally believe he doesn't actually want to be like he is at the moment. It's growing pains. My approach is that I would like to some how support him in a way which makes growing through this stage of his life easier for him and us. However by supporting him I don't think we, his parents, should give into his every whim. DW has a different approach and chastises him from the moment he wakes up until the moment he goes to bed. I personally believe this makes matters worse and it is a catalyst for making matters worse.

In terms of his peers there are certainly those who are worse than him but there are those who are better than him. Off course it is possible there time has yet to come!

So eventually readers I come to my question Have you ever had a child approaching teenage years where their behaviour has prompted you to do something about it?

As an aside he has two elder sisters (my DD and SD) and I don't even remember SD being this bad and we were very lucky with DD!)

Thank you for reading.

Regards

BB
I have 2 young boys so no teens yet but I remember my teen yrs and what would be going on with me and how my parents dealt with it and I think I've turned out pretty well,

my parents used to sit me down and chat it through and at the time I found it really difficult to deal with but it kept things calm and they were resolved. they were firm but fair and I was praised when things were going well.

I find my hubby can be similar to your description of your DW with our 5 yr old where he chastises him a bit too much for everything and i find it irritating and I think if I feel that way how does my son feel.

hopefully this is a phase your son is going through and establishing and redefining boundaries will help with a little bit of input from him.

Good luck I'm dreading the teenage years 😂🚶🏼
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Old 16 Aug 16, 10:35 PM  
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I have 3 boys of my own only one is in the teen years, others two are 10 and 7. I've had no issues whatsoever regarding attitude or behaviour so far. I work with teenagers in a residential setting and generally see positive results from doing exactly as Geoffa suggests! Talk WITH them and most importantly LISTEN to what they have to say. I'm very laid back personally but have clear boundaries and most importantly be consistent in your approach. Constant chastisement just creates a breeding ground for unacceptable behaviours. In actual fact if someone was on at me all the time I don't think I would view a bad attitude towards them as an unacceptable behaviour.

It's so difficult being a parent and we are allowed to get it wrong, none of us is perfect however I think it's great that you are seeking advice on approaches you can take to make for a more harmonious household.
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Old 16 Aug 16, 11:22 PM  
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Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy View Post
Through out this thread I have welcomed all offerings and this is no exception. I like this idea. I actually had to do it with the in-laws once because they kept on interfering with the dealing of our children.
I think it's lovely that so many people have taken the time to try and share their experiences with you , aren't people lovely?
You have seen lots of good advice and I'm sure I couldn't improve upon the ideas for communication, relationship building etc., all good.

I would only add, as a mum of DD15+DS13, to be kind to yourself too. We had a DREADFUL experience with DD during our precious time in Florida when she was 12/13 yrs, I love her enormously but at that time she was so awful it nearly ruined the hols for everyone and it really didn't seem like she cared. Nearly broke my heart to lose my angel and have her replaced by a rude, selfish, angry stranger. Hubby and I adopted many of the approaches spoken about, no quick fixes and very hard work. Two years later, the hormones have subsided a bit, she's grown up a bit and I have my daughter back.

In the meantime it can be rough between mum and dad and lots of tears cos you don't understand what you MUST be doing wrong. I feel for you both, your wife will be feeling the same too I'm sure. Just remember to be kind to yourself while you wait it out. Someone once described parenting to me as the hardest job they had ever had, and for which they had the least qualifications and training. You're doing your best. X
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Old 17 Aug 16, 05:59 AM  
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Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy View Post
I know I have posted something about this before but really wanted advice from anyone going through a similar thing.

Sometimes when dibbers ask for advice on a matter they don't really want opinions they don't agree with. I have an open mind.

Our DS11 is 12 in September. However at the moment he is behaving like the teenager from hell. He can be rude (he can also be a wonderful child) but the moment he doesn't get his own way we certainly know about it.

He has just come back from a week long scout trip along with DW. It is scouting policy (which I totally agree with) that leaders don't look after their own kids. His behaviour caused complaints from the leader who was responsible for him.

This next bit is extremely difficult to write but here goes. I personally believe he doesn't actually want to be like he is at the moment. It's growing pains. My approach is that I would like to some how support him in a way which makes growing through this stage of his life easier for him and us. However by supporting him I don't think we, his parents, should give into his every whim. DW has a different approach and chastises him from the moment he wakes up until the moment he goes to bed. I personally believe this makes matters worse and it is a catalyst for making matters worse.

In terms of his peers there are certainly those who are worse than him but there are those who are better than him. Off course it is possible there time has yet to come!

So eventually readers I come to my question Have you ever had a child approaching teenage years where their behaviour has prompted you to do something about it?

As an aside he has two elder sisters (my DD and SD) and I don't even remember SD being this bad and we were very lucky with DD!)

Thank you for reading.

Regards

BB
I could have written this. Ds turns 12 in a couple of weeks and he's become unbearable some days. He refuses to leave the house, so any trip out ends in a screaming match and banning from phones, tv, xboxs, etc which induces further huffing. Proper miserable little so and so, we're currently sat at CDG so he best keep his inner monster at bay during this holiday
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Old 17 Aug 16, 05:59 AM  
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