Refusing to do as told. Stressed

[AhoyShipmates]

Our son, now 7, is adopted and school kept putting his disruptive and violent behaviour (towards adults not kids) down to attachment issues and anxiety. We try to use therapeutic parenting (google Dan Hughes and PACE parenting) and I organised attachment training for the school, but I still thought there was something more with our son. He’s now been referred to the community paediatricians to see if he may be on the autism spectrum. He ticks most of the boxes for a condition called Pathological Demand Avoidance, which is a kind of autism though children can do a lot of role play and dressing up so it’s not immediately obvious it’s ASD.
Sometimes the right ‘label’ escapes us but we know when our child is not neurotypical and then the battle begins! As previous posters have said, ask for another meeting with your SENDCO and the head. Before you have it keep a seven day diary of your child’s behaviour - what triggers him, how he responds to transitions, simple demands (“time to get dressed”, “let’s get you out of the bath” etc), what his behaviours are (eating habits, hand flapping, washing machine etc) and what soothes him. Also keep a note of all the things the class teacher has told you about his daily behaviours. Much easier to refer to when you are on the spot, and when you see it all written down it’ll be obvious to all, rather than plucking examples from memory at the GP or school.
Google sensory processing too. And check out this short article called Won’t Do or Can’t Do? on here: fosteringsolutions/ne...ssing-disorder
Ask for them to start the process for an ECHP. They have to show to the LA they have tried everything to meet your son’s needs and it will cost them money so they’ll resist, but you can apply to the council for one yourself. Takes around five months. Good luck x

[AhoyShipmates]

By the way, our son started at an SEN school in September and life is SO much better! He still has meltdowns but not nearly as many because school is much less stressful for him. They have occupational health sensory exercises, balance balls to sit at their desks if needed so their body is busy trying to balance which leaves their minds free to focus on their work (strange but true), a very calm environment, sensory spaces when they have the odd meltdown... it’s just fantastic.

[xXxSammi88xXx]

I emailed his senco last night and suggested the ehcp. She said she will discuss the process with me so i’m guessing she will say he’s not ready for that yet.
I have made another appt with the drs. This time i am taking him with me and i have kept a diary to show them. Hopefully this time they will listen

[AhoyShipmates]

Good, a diary was what helped us. We had started to normalise his behaviour ie if he wasn’t biting me or throwing things and screaming it was a good day, even though clearly it wasn’t. I ended up on antidepressants too, like other poster. Your council should have a thing called their local offer, which is a list of all the help there is for SEN kids and their families. And see if you can find a support group or drop in place where you can meet other mums and kids with similar situations - there are lots of us out there and it’s a great relief when you find people who get it :-)
I asked the school about an echp at the end of reception but it took them till halfway through year 2, when he was being taught separately in a room with two adults, before they got it underway.
Prioritise your own care too - coffees with friends, a bath with candles etc because if you’re running on empty you can’t help your son and daughter. Great idea having special mum and daughter times if dad or grandparents can look after DS now and then.