Spoiled Children...

[Irishlass]

Originally Posted by BlueMacaw

Do they say please and thank you to other people? Because that is the first thing I would address, even very small children can say please and thank you and sadly I think these words seem to be missing with a lot of children these days.

Also as another poster says, let all hell break loose and don’t back down. No should mean no, if they know that you’ll back down then you’ll be seen as a push over.

Personally I’d also punish them if they did create a scene over not getting their own way, they aren’t young children and they should no not to throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want, I’d remove devices or ground them until they get the message.

Sadly the world is quite materialistic nowadays, as a society so many people want the best of the best and an entitled generation is on the rise.

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This.

Put it this way, if it were you behaving like this to your parents how would they deal with it? Punishments like grounding, removing privileges, taking technology away etc are all the way to go. If yet dont like it, tough luck, let them scream from the rooftops all they like, the sooner they realise you're not backing down the sooner they'll realise the rules and boundaries.

We're finding more and more these days in school the main problems with behaviour is down to the fact that kids think they can do what they want and when they want. They dont know what the word no means and are baffled when they arent the center of attention at all times and they have to wait their turn.
Parents at the start of the year tell us their concerns and excuses that they think they have autism or adhd etc, when they dont. They just dont know how to behave and have no idea of rules etc.
When the kids realise this, and know the rules and boundaries it's a smoother ride after that lol. And parents often comment how they have "settled down" which annoys me. They haven't settled down, they've just learnt how to behave and respect others.

One thing I will add though. It's all about your tone of voice anf not being nicey nicey when trying to punish them... and never ever end it with OK?

Good luck x

[Floridatilly]

My older two would never, ever answer back or be rude. If they ever broke anything or did anything wrong they are distraught. We are very strict so they know their boundaries and do not cross them. We don’t have spare cash to spoil them, apart from if they have out grown shoes/clothes they have to wait until birthdays or Christmas. They both have a small fortune spent on them for dance, boxing & rugby plus all the equipment/uniforms that goes with those so they know better than to ask. My middle son (13) is the most appreciative person you would ever meet, if my mum gives him a pound you would think he’s won the lottery. He treasures anything he is given (he has no idea of cost value due to his learning difficulties)
My eldest does have a messy room though!
However! Our youngest is 6 and he is so different to the other two. He will whine, moan and cry to try and get his own way. He pushes his boundaries something shocking. Mocks us when we tell him off so he ends up getting really shouted at.
He is not spoiled in a materialistic way but we must give him his own way too much or he would not behave like this?!?!?
We always joke that our older two children are extremely well behaved most of the time with the very odd bit of bad behaviour BUT our youngest is naughty most of the time with the odd bit of goodness!
He is good at school so he obviously plays up for us, maybe we was too old when we had him lol (40 & 42) or the big age gap. Or we have spoiled him and let him have his own way?

[duchy]

Spoilt isn’t about how much you spend, spoiled is having no appreciation or manners.
Especially if both parents work it’s easy to want everything to be lovely in the precious time you do have together and let manners or appreciation as well as consequences slide so when you do make a stand your kids will feel you are unfair, mean etc. At that point you give in and put up with it ... or grit your teeth stand firm together and stick to your guns.
You do have to be on the same page and stick to the same line though , or they’ll just play one off against the other .

Parenting isn’t easy!
Mine is autistic , certain things I’d let slide like getting stroppy in crowded situations (sensory issues)but rudeness or ingratitude was never acceptable and there were consistent consequences same as any other child. I do think consistency is important, you can’t set boundaries and then keep moving them !

[2waterford]

Consequences... would start working on tantrums and bad behaviour and if not rectified pretty quickly there would be consequences.

Do they do chores to earn pocket money, set them a monthly budget and once they have spent it, that's it until next month, if they want bigger items, then they will have to save a few months pocket money.

I always found with my own if they had to pay for things themselves they always thought more about spending their own money.

You need to do the ground work now for setting them up as grounded adults to head out into the big world.

Good luck, stick to your guns, make sure both parents are singing from same hymn sheet.

[daytonababe]

My two are 17 & 21 and had a lot of stuff , phones , gadgets
, holidays , cars etc

But they only got those things by being decent people and behaving .. They both knew
Full well if they were entitled brats things would be taken away / stopped etc.

Ultimately you’re the parent you choose to buy them things , its down to you to decide if they deserve it or not .

[Lisa123wm]

Mine have never been spoiled tbh. They want for nothing, but are always grateful for what they get/have.
Some of their friends sound spoiled, and my kids will tell me that. They realise that they have to/will have to work hard if they want nice things. No bank of mom and dad in this house.
They are a little lazy around the house though, but nobody is perfect, we’re working on that.

[NewtoOrlando]

My 2 are 13 and nearly 12. They generally get what they want, that's our fault, not theirs. However, they know no means no, my youngest will go on and on and on about getting certain stuff, but if we say no then it means no. He will ask DH and DH will message me to say he is going to ask me for some money for something, and that he's already said no, so when he rings or texts me, I say no because i'm not going against what his dad has said. My oldest doesn't ask for anything, as long as she can go to the stables once a week she's happy.

They are both very polite, well mannered children, always say please and thank you, sure they whinge when asked to do something around the house, but I used to aswell. I leave things for them to do, if they don't do them, they don't get to go out. For example, if my youngest doesn't put his PE kit or football kit in the wash basket, then he doesn't take it into school therefore gets a detention, or he doesn't play football, I'm their mother, not a slave! He doesn't forget to text his mates or log onto Minecraft, so he can remember the washing!

Clear boundaries are what's needed. DH and I are very laid back & relaxed about things, but they know there's a line, and of they try to cross it then there are consequences.

[Button17]

Sit them down, explain that things are going to be changing from x date. They will Have to earn privileges. They will be expected to work around the house not for money, or praise, but to make the family function. When (not if) they do their jobs, then they will have Free time to do xyz. If they refuse, take stuff away and they will earn it back (very slowly). Wi-Fi code can be changed, phone except during school hours, computer controllers, etc.

My girls are 12 and 9. From very early on they have had to take responsibility round the house. We both work and our time is also valuable.

Jobs they do:

Their own pack lunches from starting school at 4 years old. I would make oldest sandwiches to begin with but by the time youngest started school they'd skill share. Ie, oldest would do drinks and sandwiches, youngest everything else. Now they're independent. Did have a call from school a few years ago and youngest had forgotten to pack her lunch. My answer was "she'll remember from now on, get her to share her sister's ". School weren't impressedbut she's never done it again!

Strip beds and put in washing machine
Empty airing cupboard, sort clothes into persons piles and pack away
Load and empty dishwasher
Dust
Make dinner - eldest
Bake - both
General tidying
Lay table, and clear table
Wash up

They also use their initiative, so if they see stuff needs doing , ie dishwasher is full, they'll run it.

I'm not saying they're perfect but they are pretty independent and can be self sufficient. Is that not our job as a parent, to teach our children how life works. We are a team and we all have to work together to make our family work.

They also have respect for money as they know there isn't much spare. We're struggling to save at present. They don't get pocket money from us, but from parents in law.

You and DH will have to agree on the rules first, and back each other up when conflict hits (which it will). Dont letvthem divide and conquer you.

GOOD LUCK. Unfortunately you've chosen a rubbish time of year to combat this. You'll be laying down the law one week then "spoiling " them the next with Christmas. It may be better to see this as a family new years resolution and get your selves sorted now but sit them down on new years eve ready for 1st January.

[sidsmum]

Irishlass! I was going to write a post but you have absolutely said exactly what I would have! Excellent post and so true!

Parents are their children’s parents not their friends, they need boundaries and consequences. It is the child’s job to push and the parents job to stay firm.

[RM2016]

I think being spoiled and acting spoilt are two totally different things. My children get a lot even though there are a lot of them however their manners are excellent and on the whole are genuinely nice. There is nothing wrong with giving your children nice things however basic courtesy and respect along with learning the value of money is extremely important. Could the 13 year old get a paper round or help out as an extra pair of hands at a local sports club perhaps? This might help him realise that nice things often take hard work. The wee one, if all hell breaks loose, let it! Stand your ground and implement consequences ie, games console removal or similar. It will be hard at first but if you keep at it, they will realise you mean business. Good Luck!