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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:16 PM  
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#21
Irishlass
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Originally Posted by sidsmum View Post
Irishlass! I was going to write a post but you have absolutely said exactly what I would have! Excellent post and so true!

Parents are their children’s parents not their friends, they need boundaries and consequences. It is the child’s job to push and the parents job to stay firm.
Thanks Sidsmum.

You're 100% right, parents are parents not their friends. We're the adult, they're the child, and what the adult says goes. That's how it's done across my family, and be it aunt, uncle, mum or dad, if the child is acting up, the adult who's around deals with it, if they run off to tell they're parents the answer they get is,well you must have deserved it then. Doesn't matter if the child is 1 or 17, until they turn 18, and/or live under the same roof they do as they're told, and are respectful and well mannered to others.
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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:18 PM  
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#22
Themousefamily
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Not trying to get into arguments of right or wrong but I have a different perspective. I am a big believer in ‘childhood’. In my opinion, children are just that, I don’t expect them to ‘contribute’ to the household, their job is to be children and concentrate on school work. I don’t overly spoil my children and I expect high standards of manners, especially outside the house, and I expect VERY high levels of respect. But on the whole, I will do the chores around the house and I will spend money on them as I wish.
I was a pretty spoiled child, my mum would wait on me and I certainly never helped around the house. My dad would regularly spoil me with toys etc. I do not feel this has harmed me as an adult. I have always known the value of money and have always worked. I have good manners and respect for others. I have my own home and know how to look after it despite never doing housework as a child.
As I say, I know people will disagree, and I am okay with that, but I just wanted to give another side to this, and maybe the OP will feel it’s not all bad. Kids are kids, and teenagers are naturally predisposed to selfishness 😂
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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:19 PM  
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#23
Lisalimetree
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A view from a spoiled child (I’m aged 40) and still spoiled by my mum but I appreciate everything I get.
I was an only Child and only granchild on both sides, but I had manners and understood no ment no!
I also never dare make a seen in a shop and never interrupt adults talking. Basically children should be seen and not heard! I knew the boundaries my parents had and the look was enough to know.

Nowadays it is different, I think in most families both parents work and buying your kids everything compensates for you both not always being there but it can do more harm than good.

I think you just have set the rules and stick to them with consequences if they are broken I do believe you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. Maybe a family meeting and set out the rules and plans to start from January.


Think what I’m trying to say is you can be spoiled but still have manners and appreciate things and do jobs. I had a part time job from the age of 14.
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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:26 PM  
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duncanb
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You asked for honesty so here goes.
You reap what you sow.
Manners maketh man ( and ladies)
I could afford to give my boys whatever they wanted but never did they both did paper rounds worked in shops cleaned my car etc no free pocket money.
Just so you don't think I'm Scrooge Mcduck.
I did pay for all their Uni fees but made them work for spending money during off term.
Sadly a generation thinks/ perceives a right and parents feed this in competition with other parents,rather than being a model setting parent.
Sorry if it offends.
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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:26 PM  
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#25
ClaireNJ
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Oh dear I feel for you, kids nowadays get what they want whenever they want 🙄too much too young, set some rules, tell them you’re not happy with the way they are growing up & things will be changing, as been said take away their things they love if they kick off 😤I always took the PS controls away, then I couldn’t remember where I’d put them 🤣🤣
Good luck & be firm it won’t be easy, but then being parents isn’t 😫😉
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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:32 PM  
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#26
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My kids have had a lot over the years but I wouldn’t say they are spoilt. We have saved for years to take them on holidays, if they need a phone or laptop they get it but usually for Christmas and birthdays. I love getting them stuff and they love receiving things, I buy them the odd thing if I have the money, now they are grown they buy their own stuff. Dd is 17 and loves clothes and saves pocket money, £10 a week from us and £20 a month from my sister and buys cheap stuff from asos, pretty little thing etc. She now wants a £300 camera and I’ve told her to save up, I wouldn’t do anything if they were rude, they help me and I help them. Sometimes dd is a bit slow with doing tidying but gets there in the end!
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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:35 PM  
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lizzie145
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Originally Posted by Lisalimetree View Post
A view from a spoiled child (I’m aged 40) and still spoiled by my mum but I appreciate everything I get.
I was an only Child and only granchild on both sides, but I had manners and understood no ment no!
I also never dare make a seen in a shop and never interrupt adults talking. Basically children should be seen and not heard! I knew the boundaries my parents had and the look was enough to know.

Nowadays it is different, I think in most families both parents work and buying your kids everything compensates for you both not always being there but it can do more harm than good.

I think you just have set the rules and stick to them with consequences if they are broken I do believe you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. Maybe a family meeting and set out the rules and plans to start from January.


Think what I’m trying to say is you can be spoiled but still have manners and appreciate things and do jobs. I had a part time job from the age of 14.
Sounds like me. I still wait for people to stop talking rather than interrupt unless it's an emergency.

I had a paperwork for extra money but my mum helped out at times( in the rain) and kept the papers in her car, it was only weekly though
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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:45 PM  
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Vanillapod
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I think most of us parents are guilty of spoiling our children to a degree.
Sometimes I have felt DS has been oblivious to the hours of work involved for some of these treats so I now make him aware if I feel he’s lacking appreciation!
I think it’s important not to do that regularly through. If it’s my choice to treat then I don’t want him feeling guilty about it.
I do try to keep most physical things for Christmas or birthday even some day to day stuff!
We do have a lot of trips out though. I don’t think he takes it for granted. 🤔
Parenting is hard

Edited at 09:50 PM.
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Old 8 Dec 19, 09:55 PM  
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hilz22
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Someone called my kids spoilt the other day and i corrected them, they never ask for anything they both asked for books at Christmas one wants a fortnight annual and the other a dungeons and dragons book. They are getting an imac and a iphone. However they will be very surprised and grateful. But we were talking of holidays and neither bat an eyelid when we say america, thailand etc. Infact my youngest asked how far away gran canaria was when i said 4 hrs he was over the moon. Is that spoilt, I don’t think so its all they have ever known they rightly or wrongly think holidays like we have is normal. But they both help around the house in fact ds as started cooking every monday night as he is back first. They might have a lot but i am proud of my kids.
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Old 8 Dec 19, 10:49 PM  
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#30
TheHughesCrew
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Gosh, this parenting park is so hard. Unfortunately there's no rule book, or guidelines!

My boys are 12 and 13. They can both cook simple meals, sort and put on a wash, load and unload the dishwasher, put the shopping away etc. But do they always do it, and without asking? Heck no.

They get sports kit bought for them, and ferried around to meets and matches. They want for very little (well, I'm sure my.son would want to swap his iPhone 6 for an 11 but that's not going to happen! ) but they do act 'spoiled' sometimes. It's natural though. They're kids. It's being strong enough to stand up to requests and demands, or negotiate an alternative that helps them mature into decent, thoughtful human beings though.

They both get £10/ month pocket money and need to tidy up sports kit etc, set and clear the table, and make their lunches. They can top it up by doing extra jobs. I work full time, so we all need to muck in. Nobody gives me money for doing ≈≈≈≈≈≈ all, so that's the lesson they need to learn too. If they need money, they need to work for it.

Each of us is different, and no one way is better than the other, but not giving in to constant demands is hard. Good luck x x x
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