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Old 15 Jun 22, 11:48 AM  
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2waterford
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Am I bad parent

Just looking for some opinions please.

Last September my dd and her partner upped sticks and moved to Vancouver on a 2 year working Visa. They were home in April for 2.5 weeks and will both be home for 10 days at Christmas.

We won’t get to visit this year mainly because they have friends coming during the summer and considering they were home twice this year there wasn’t much point.

Now we have provisionally said we will come in July next year, with dh annual leave we will have to go during Shut down, but they will be home for good 4 weeks later, as time goes by I really don’t want to visit Vancouver, the only Pro is spending time with our dd but she will have to work while we are there.

I have to Pro & Con list and only Pro is time with dd.

The Con list is cost will cost €6000 upwards for trip
Weather can be wet in Vancouver
DD home 4 weeks later
Serious long haul travel that I don’t like
On going medical treatment for my so will only book after getting all clear on Cystoscopy nearer time

DD claims we went to visit her brother when he was working in Holland but that was a 2 night trip to Amsterdam, if she lived in Europe I would have made numerous trips to visit.

I am prepared to pay for her flight at Christmas if we don’t visit in July.
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Old 15 Jun 22, 11:59 AM  
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parisdisneyfan
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Firstly, kids guilt trip you all the time, so don’t fall into the trap - easier said than done I know!

It’s a lot of money to spend on a place you aren’t really interested in visiting plus you won’t really see your daughter. Also you don’t know yet if you will even be able to go. Is there anywhere in Canada you are interested in that you could meet? Have they visited anywhere they would recommend? My dd spent 3 x 4 month summers just outside Toronto a few years back. She wanted us to visit but we didn’t but the year she didn’t go we had 2 weeks in the Rockies - Banff/Jasper/Calgary- I never hear the end of it.

Finally if she is old enough to go away for 2 years then she needs to understand that you want to spend precious holiday and finances on places you want to visit.

Good luck!
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Old 15 Jun 22, 12:01 PM  
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Mr Tom Morrow
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Men and Women see this differently normally. Head v Heart.

I wouldn't go is she was coming to the UK some weeks later.
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Old 15 Jun 22, 12:21 PM  
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EssexSue
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Did you force her to go and live in Vancouver? If no then no need for guilt.
My daughter is very good at the guilt trip as is her eldest brother. It doesn't make life easy I know that. But sometimes we have to put ourselves first. X
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Old 15 Jun 22, 12:21 PM  
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mandco
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I wouldn’t go it’s a huge amount of money to spend on a trip you don’t really want to do esp when she’s home for good so soon afterwards and she’d be working while you were there anyway.
She was more than happy to go and live there for without you 2 years I’m sure she’ll manage not seeing you for a couple of extra weeks.

Don’t let her guilt trip you with but you went to see ds as it was a totally difference circumstance.
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Old 15 Jun 22, 12:23 PM  
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2waterford
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Thanks everyone, I think she just wants us to see her life in Canada but tbh I am quiet happy seeing it on FaceTime 😂
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Old 15 Jun 22, 12:25 PM  
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BevS97
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I would want to go but I wouldn’t be prepared to spend 6000 Euros or go 4 weeks before she returned.

Is it possible to do a cheaper trip at another time ? If it’s not, or you don’t want to, then no need for guilt. She will see you when she gets back with stories to tell.
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Old 15 Jun 22, 12:28 PM  
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ScoopsAhoy
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I agree with Bev, I’d want to go and see my ds if this was us and he would be proud of his new life there and want to share it with us.
Why would it be €6000 for 2 of you ?
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Old 15 Jun 22, 12:33 PM  
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2waterford
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Originally Posted by ScoopsAhoy View Post
I agree with Bev, I’d want to go and see my ds if this was us and he would be proud of his new life there and want to share it with us.
Why would it be €6000 for 2 of you ?
The flights are about €2600 for July, factor in airport parking etc and we are talking of almost €3000 before we leave, they only have a one bed apt so 10/12 nights air bnb because hotels are eye wateringly expensive in Vancouver, maybe a few days car hire while there to explore a bit
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Old 15 Jun 22, 12:39 PM  
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Fluffypenguin
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If they’re only there for two years then I don’t see how it’s an issue.

Obviously if it was a permanent move and they’d set up a permanent home there and they wanted you to see it, then obviously that would be lovely, but if finances or health or both dictate that you can’t then I don’t seen an issue…

Myself and my brother live in separate parts of the uk to our mother. My mother spends more time down south with him than she stays at mine and she was even debating moving there at one point. I wouldn’t make her feel guilty about it, it’s not in my nature and she’s an adult, I can’t tell her what to do.
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