Unmotivated Teen

[Lilpickle08]

Anybody else have one of these?

So disappointing as all she wants to do is lie on her bed looking at her phone or watch inane YouTube videos!

She used to love drawing and can't even be bothered with that anymore.

She still does dance and drama classes - but asides from actually turning up, there's no motivation at all to better herself - ie she has a dance show coming up and has not practiced at all.

She does no extra work for school, and barely gets recognised for anything in the school bulletin. She doesn't push herself and seems to want to do the bare minimum.

I'm fed up of having to talk to her and all she says back to me is 'I'm sorry I'm a disappointment'. But never actually does anything!

She is introverted but does seem to have some nice friends - though again she would never bother to arrange things to do with them.

I just see her wasting her life!

For context she's my oldest and doesn't seem depressed or anything, just happy to do nothing. Is she a typical teen?! Is there anything I can do?!

[CazP]

Mine are a bit older now, youngest has just turned 22. Throughout her teens, she suffered mild anxiety but never opened up about it until much later on.

I obviously don't know your daughter, but the 'Sorry I'm a disappointment' is a warning flag that something else is going on in her mind. It's like that what she already thinks about herself and by questioning her, it's almost reaffirming what she feels.
I'm not blaming you for questioning her, I'm just saying that teens can be very sensitive to criticism no matter how it's meant. It's a very delicate thing and simple words can be taken in the opposite way to they're meant to.
If they already feel low about themselves but perhaps don't know how to express this, it's a tough thing they're going through and finding their place in the family and in the outside world.
As a parent, all you can do is let them know you're there if they want to speak to you about stuff that's bothering them. I always found it easier to talk to them in the car as it wasn't a face to face conversation as such.

Sending you lots of love, patience and best wishes. Who'd be a parent hey?!

[LunaNyteskye]

Pretty typical teen. We have finally come out the other side with my DD17. It was a frustrating/worrying few years though, not gonna lie!

[Tinks2014]

Typical teen I’ve had 4. Have a great time now they are grown up . Hormones are all over the place at their age. Think for a while us parents look like aliens and we were never teenagers. Miraculously we have always been old !

[sully301]

that's typical teen behaviour, not sure what you mean by barely getting mentioned in the school bulletin?

[ginwithaslice]

Maybe her confidence is at a bit of a low ebb? I'd be careful of having very high expectations, if she's doing some activities and going to school regularly she's not wasting her life.
Make sure she feels she can talk to you if she needs to.

[Lilpickle08]

Originally Posted by sully301

that's typical teen behaviour, not sure what you mean by barely getting mentioned in the school bulletin?

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oh school are very big on showing off the kids work at school, what they get up to in lessons, who's impressed them etc, then each year has stars of the week every week..

I know I shouldn't be too bothered by stuff like that so I don't actually mention it to her, but it's another example of her not doing anything above bare minimum that's all.

I also recognise that I sound like a harsh and pushy mum and I'm really not! I just see so much potential in her and I feel like she's wasting it.

[Lilpickle08]

Originally Posted by ginwithaslice

Maybe her confidence is at a bit of a low ebb? I'd be careful of having very high expectations, if she's doing some activities and going to school regularly she's not wasting her life.
Make sure she feels she can talk to you if she needs to.

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Yes I do try to make sure she knows she can talk to me.

I don't think I have too high expectations, but maybe I need to keep a check on those!

[Loopylooloo]

Very normal behaviour for her age, have seen this with both of our boys, a difficult time, for all of you! It will pass….x

[Floridatilly]

My daughter has done a complete turn around. She was always a high achiever, danced, wrote music, played the guitar and drew. If anything she was too busy but she easily got bored and being busy kept her happy although she has always been very shy and introverted.
During lockdown she was/is happy to stay in bed all day, she only gets up to eat then goes back watching Netflix on her laptop. Her attitude went down the toilet, she was in no uncertain terms lazy! She started to do the bare minimum at college, always looked at things negatively etc
I would often get in bed with her for a chat and she said that she just feels that she needs rest and sleep.
She has just gone to university and I am hoping this is going to give her a boost and some motivation 🤞🏻 We talk everyday and she has said that she feels like the fat and ugly friend because her flat mates are slim and stunning. Whatever I say she doesn’t believe because she says I am biased.
She has been set some work but she doesn’t know where to get the book from so she has not done it which is making her feel sick. We have told her to speak to her tutor asap and find out about the library. We have said we will go and see her if/whenever she needs us to. But she says she loves it, loves her room and loves her flat mates.
Teenagers are so difficult 😥