Any experience of daughters with adhd and/or asd

[TC Devon]

We ve finally got her appointment. 10th May.

[Giraffemoomin]

Hi I have a dd 8 yo who was diagnosed with autism last year. She has some similarities to your dd description and was much more difficult at 6 yo than now as lots of things have been put in place at home and school. For bedtime I would say to try and make changes over time e.g. I used to have to lie down with dd until she fell asleep, then I sat up next to her until she was asleep, then sat with her for a bit and went and checked on her - first few times she would wait for me etc. Currently I sit with her for a bit and then say good night etc and that is it. That has all been over around 15 months though so it is a long process! She also has stopped waking in the night as much but I'm not sure why! It isn't easy and for trips out we have to let her know in advance and take iPad headphones with us as well. She also doesn't like going to supermarket so we have almost pretty much given up on that. Also try and give choices and have routines as someone else has said. It's good you have a date for assessment, from us contacting GP to the diagnosis it was 18 months roughly and that involved a lot of me being 'persistent' and lots of evidence from school as well. I didn't really prepare her for th assessments just said was to see how she is doing, but took notes of examples myself to provide and discuss. Good luck with it x

[daftmum]

Hi my did has both asd and ADHD. Diagnosed with ADHD at about 6 and asd at about 10 she's 15 now and sounds similar to your dd feel free to message me if I can help at all. It's not been an easy path but her quirks make her who she is and she's growing into a lovely young lady

[KJayT]

Hi,

Okay, coming at it from a slightly different angle in some ways - I am an adult with Aspergers, diagnosed as an adult. For me, the adult diagnosis has been a good and bad thing - it gives a name to all of my 'unusual' behaviours, but it's harder to accept as an adult than it would've been as a child. I am not, unfortunately, one of the majority who find comfort in diagnosis as an adult, merely understanding I guess? I often joke I can't even be good at having Aspergers as I'm not 'proud' of it! ;-)

In all seriousness, it's reasoning. As you say, it makes you sure there is a 'reason' behind her…unusual…behaviours (I'm deliberately trying not to use the word difficult, because take it from someone who knows - nobody's choosing to be difficult!) and that it's not just 'naughtiness' (although all behaviour has a root cause somewhere).

I know my mum feels kind of guilty at times about not thinking more about signs when I was a child - she just thought I was incredibly shy and just had different interests than most, a 'tomboy' really (boys were easier for me to understand as playmates at school - there's no hidden agenda as a rule). Although I did well academically at school - I learned to read early and easily, was adding and subtracting before I started school etc. - my mum wonders if I would've done even better if I'd had more support in that area and how things impacted on me. However, I was still successful at school (although I hated university) and am a primary school teacher now (although my diagnosis is not common knowledge at school - only the Head and a couple of people on a 'need to know' basis are aware). Although I find adults incredibly difficult to deal with as a rule, I have a brilliant relationship with children as 'what you see is what you get' - there are no hidden rules or themes to try and work out (which I find incredibly difficult) and because I have a very good memory, I remember details they tell me and can learn about TV shows and characters they are interested in easily. Every person who's seen me teach after talking to me beforehand (or trying to - I'm not good at 'chit chat') says I am a totally different person in the classroom than outside.

Don't be surprised that your daughter behaves totally differently at school than she does at home - it's a like a bottle of pop, she adds and adds to the bottle all day at school, trying her hardest to 'fit in' and comply with the expectations of school life, then at home the tiniest drop into that bottle and it complete overflows and explodes, because she is in her safe environment. Even if she acts out at you, she knows you are safe for her to do that.

Also, research is now showing a major difference in the way ASD presents in boys and girls, which is worth remembering - girls with ASD are better at 'copying' expected social behaviour than boys are, and seem to realise there is somewhat of a 'need' to behave in a certain way, so their difficulties are masked more. As terrible as it sounds, it's easier to get attention and help at school if you're physically aggressive or throwing furniture than if you're quietly struggling without making a fuss.

I'm glad you've finally got an appointment, hopefully more can come from that. You already know about routines and planning for change - have you tried social stories? I've used them with children to prepare for changes or new experiences. They don't work for everyone, but it might be worth trying if you haven't. If you do a quick search for 'ASD advice and information', it will bring up lots of sites, including the NAS site, which isn't a bad place to start.

I hope you get some answers, for all of you, in May. :-)

[TC Devon]

Thank you for all your replies. It's quite funny as all my mum keeps saying is she's just like you.like you I'm a teacher and very much have two personalities. I'm not comfortable in social adult situations but I'm good at pretending I am. B is also a tomboy and prefers the company of boys and their games. She's very active but prefers to blend in the classroom. she's quite academic and hates getting things wrong. She recently scored 9/10 on her spelling test and went into full melt down mode. It was awful. She puts so much pressure on herself (I don't)
We put in a DLA form and it was accepted so it's another person validating my concerns. It also now means she can start taekwodo. We just found nt afford it before. I just want to know and move on. School are not supportive. They think I'm making it up. All because she puts her socks on ok at school but not at home. I ve decided to contact asd outreach myself and get the ball rolling.
We ve recently had a good run and she's been ok but I really do think it's because we ve now just accepted that's how she is. We pick our battles very carefully and we re changing how we parent. I treat B as if she has asd.
Roll on 10 May.
I'm a member of a Fb group colouring outside the lines, it's for parents of girls with asd. It's s great group.

[KJayT]

Hi again,

It sounds like your FB group is a good place for support. I'm not entirely surprised she puts her socks on okay at school - she wants to blend in and will 'put up with' it at school, whereas she doesn't need to at home. I am funny about socks too - they have to sit exactly on, but I have to wear them, and I can't wear shoes without socks, so no sandals or ballet-type shoes for me!

She sounds like I was at school - it was actually commented in my school report when I was 7 that I needed to realise it was okay to make mistakes. I still put pressure on myself and don't see myself as good enough - my best friend actually comments that I would argue with anybody who spoke about our children at school who have the same diagnosis as I do, in the manner I speak about myself at times!

I'm sure May will bring you some answers - the acceptance for DLA must surely help.

:-)