family events and exes

[BucksBugsy]

Originally Posted by loola30

I think in this situation I'd do exactly the same. I'd hate for there to be a scene at a party simply by my presence upsetting someone who is likely to create aggravation. Whilst it's not right or fair to those involved, I do think it's the sensible option

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We (dw and i( getnon very well with the BF and his parents. He is not one for holding his opinions back and there is a risk that if SD and him have a bit to drink there may be a bit of a show down.

We will wait and see what happens !

[BucksBugsy]

Originally Posted by Bianca

Gosh, yes - a wedding! If they do get married my answer would be different. (More along the lines of everyone welcomed and the law laid down to anyone who might spoil the bride and groom's day).

I'm guessing you'd take a different approach to a wedding, though, BB.

Good luck. Hope it all works out.

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DW reckons I've given in to easy but my theory is the BF isn't a blood relative and I dont want to cause an upset.

Were my DD to get married I definitely be there.

[EssexSue]

Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy

We (dw and i( getnon very well with the BF and his parents. He is not one for holding his opinions back and there is a risk that if SD and him have a bit to drink there may be a bit of a show down.

We will wait and see what happens !

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Good luck whatever you decide. And weddings are different generally, more good will for the occasion.

[BucksBugsy]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

Good luck whatever you decide. And weddings are different generally, more good will for the occasion.

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Thank you - My DD has out so much work into arranging this I hope it goes well

Here is a photo of my DD and her BF at our wedding last september

[Gull]

It does sound as you have made your mind up. I understand weddings are different and would hope that the good will is there, but I think a gentle nudge now to SD would help. I also think it’s a shame that when the BF gets to the surprise party and sees that you and DW aren’t there, he might be upset.
Anyway, hope it’s a great party for DD and BF, and that you have a great night out with them after/before it 😊

[Colette-S]

BB knowing the history here like I do, I think you may be best avoiding this one. Don’t give her the opportunity to cause a scene. Take them out and do something nice separately

[bex85chelt]

It's so difficult isn't it. I'm a step mum and my partner has a difficult relationship with kids mum. We always do separate things for bdays etc but suck it up for things like their prom last year and are both there. Fortunately and unfortunately the kids are aware (they're 17) that theyd have to pick one set to invite to something like this.

They are 18 in a few months (twins) and not sure how it will all work out yet splitting time between both families and their friends

[Mackenzies03]

Originally Posted by Colette-S

BB knowing the history here like I do, I think you may be best avoiding this one. Don’t give her the opportunity to cause a scene. Take them out and do something nice separately

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I agree. Plus you and your DD have discussed it so as long as they’re happy with whatever you do then that’s what matters. Or, if possible, you go for the first hour then when your ex turns up leave a man shaped hole out of the nearest wall as you get out! Good luck!

[vampiress88]

Still confused. Why does the step daughter need to be there. Is she friends with the boyfriend? If not makes no sense at all

My hubby doesn’t like my sister (real sister, can take or leave my half sister) if I was planning a surprise birthday for him it would be his friends and family I would invite. Not mine. Especially if I know he doesn’t like someone

[toots82]

BB I just wanted to say it says a lot about you that you're putting your own feelings aside to protect your DD and a night she has organised for her BF. I'm sure shes sad you wont be there but also appreciates what you're doing for her. Now maybe isnt the time to make a stand but when the time does come (if) then I'd like to think your views will be all the more important as you've always been the rational one if that makes sense.