family events and exes

[BucksBugsy]

I will start by saying there is no right answer to this question- I am after different experiences and opinions.

This weekend coming it is my daughters BFs 21st birthday party. I am very close to my daughter and her BF but my ex and step daughter have made it clear that if we are there then they wont be. From a purely practical point of view I think its more beneficial that my ex is there supporting my daughter in arranging the party.

So my question is this and really applies to those of you who have separated and started a new life with someone new. How did you deal with family events (such ad a child major birthday or a child getting married).? What worked and what didn't work for you?

[EssexSue]

What does your daughter want?

I still remember as a child going to a wedding where the bride's father did the church bit and her mother the reception. Very sad.

[loola30]

What does your daughter think?

[Lisa123wm]

I’d ask your daughter’s opinion and go from there.

[BucksBugsy]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

What does your daughter want?

I still remember as a child going to a wedding where the bride's father did the church bit and her mother the reception. Very sad.

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Originally Posted by loola30

What does your daughter think?

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I went out to lunch with my DD yesterday and we talked about this. She said in an ideal world we should all be there but she knows how volatile my step daughter could be at the best of times but give her a couple of drinks and she is even worse (my daughters words).

It's really difficult...you cant please everyone all of the time.

[ely3857]

My instinct is the problem seems to be with dad and his child so if they create an ultimatum then that’s theirs to see through. If this starts now then where will it end?

[EssexSue]

Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy

I went out to lunch with my DD yesterday and we talked about this. She said in an ideal world we should all be there but she knows how volatile my step daughter could be at the best of times but give her a couple of drinks and she is even worse (my daughters words).

It's really difficult...you cant please everyone all of the time.

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Is her stepdaughter your exes daughter? Bit much if she's calling the shots!

[BucksBugsy]

Originally Posted by ely3857

My instinct is the problem seems to be with dad and his child so if they create an ultimatum then that’s theirs to see through. If this starts now then where will it end?

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I will come back to this ..thank you.

[snowbelle]

It is difficult and a lot depends on the circumstances of the break up, I got together with DH 5 years after his marriage ended and his Ex had remarried but she was extremely jealous and we had a couple of years of 'emergency' late night phone calls regarding the children and general difficulties, plus she could never 'remember ' my name

I have never commented to the kids ( who are now grown up) about their mothers tricks one of which was our first holiday to Florida she made up a crisis to get us to come home, by leaving cryptic messages on DH phone.

I have always played the bigger person, it's not about us its about the kids being happy.

We went to a wedding which was one of these where everyone is split up to ' engage'

One of the kids wanted to go home rather than sit with a table full of strangers so I quietly organised that the kids and ex were all sat on our table and we chatted as adults .

Since then we seem to have some sort of truce, DH still gets the odd cryptic phone call but the eldest usually knows whats happening and will tell his dad.


I wish you luck, families can be hard especially as you say alcohol can cause issues ...never a good mix!

[vampiress88]

I’m confused

But as a child of divorce I would have liked both my parents at functions that would have never happened though

If me and hubby ever divorced I would bend over backwards to make sure my children had both of us there should they want that.