WWYD? - Been informed estranged father is ill.

[Omega1]

I don’t think you can be guided by the experience of others - every context is different and we don’t know yours (and rightly so).
Be guided by your heart - if it was me, I would want to reach out, not to bridge the gap necessarily but because I would probably regret not being the ‘better’ person. I haven’t expressed that very well, but 40 or so years down the line, I may feel better about myself. Good luck in your tough choice.

[Twin mummy]

How do you think you would feel in 10 years if you did ring him now? How would you feel if you didn’t? I know we can’t really judge how we will feel but it might give you some inkling of what you want to do.

My Husband has been estranged from his Dad and half siblings for 30 years (my dh was 18) He still wonders what he’d do if he got a similar call but knows in his heart he never will.

[Jake71]

I feel I may be in a similar situation relationship wise with my father although mines has been since childhood, when he separated from my mum. It may sound harsh to some but in your situation I would definitely not make contact. I’m not interested in someone who didn’t want contact when well but wants to when he could be about to pass. I’m very black and white about my situation and only you know your gut reaction to the phone call. Don’t let anyone make you feel you have to contact him. If you have no regrets about no contact since 2012 then you’ll have no regrets if he dies. His death doesn’t change what he did.

I hope you find the answer and way forward that you are comfortable with.

[Jakey Neverland]

Personally if I was in your position I would probably reach out. Not because you are forgiving him in any way but because I honestly believe somewhere down the line you would probably wish you had.

[WhereIBelong]

I was estranged from my dad and responded to his wife when he was dying, I'm still unsure if it was the right thing to do or not.

I saw my dad - he had no regrets or repentance - I guess I wanted an apology or a feeling that he had actually cared rather than him just getting on with his life. I still feel a bit numb that he didn't actually care.

[keith1973]

I’ve not spoken to my dad in almost 30 years I was told a few years ago he had passed away (still don’t know if true or not) I have lots of questions I would like to have asked that I never will be able to. I don’t regret not having a relationship with him but would like the opportunity to see if he regrets what he did.

[Feebee2]

Very difficult. If he rang and apologised and offered an explanation why he behaved as he did maybe you would want to speak to him.
If it's just going to open up old wounds you'd have to consider that.
Not easy which ever way you go.

[marypoppins38]

Its a difficult situation and there is no right or wrong in whatever you choose to do. I really fell for you being put in this position. I have had no contact with my sibling for years. I can't ever forgive her for her actions and words and wouldn't want to speak to her in your situation. I would have no regrets about it. I know that makes me sound a horrible person but i am truly not. For my own and my families wellbeing it had to be this way. Do what you feel is right for you and what you can live with in the future. Sending you a hug, its a horrid situation x

[ChrisS]

Debs, depends on how keen you are to open lines of communication, issues that caused your estrangement still remain but may have dampened with time or rear their head again taking you back to 2012 perhaps causing another split that you may have to work thro again. Once he's recovered from his surgery will there be a contact regression... or, none of the above may occur, only you can decide your next movement.

As one who appears to know their mind, a straight shooter I'm surprised you've asked, perhaps because it's a 'be quick' decision. You may currently be unsure of your decision but you'll get there.

[scojos]

My MIL has reaches out after 40 yrs. She put dh into care aged 8 and he experienced various forms of abuse before.
I get him reaching out but only if its what u can live with should u allow him too.
If he does die u ll have to live with your decision and honestly you wont miss him cos hes not there...
But u might hear some stuff u dont need to.
Fools rush in and all that...

Xxxx