All I Want For Christmas (Is A Holiday) - 2008

[rusty30]

All I Want For Christmas (Is A Holiday) – Allie’s 2008 Trip Report

Pre Trip Report.

This Years Cast List – Allie, Neil, Jessamy (8), Daniel(6), William(2), Nanny Sylvie (70).

Cast your minds back dear reader, to the heady days of spring in this fair Isle.

Lambs frolicking in the fields, blossom hanging like delicate puffs of cotton wool amidst the leafy folds of yonder trees and the last remnants of your Easter Eggs being scoffed quickly before you start your summer “bikini” diet (if you are a man reading this, replace “bikini” with “The Daniel Craig tight fitting blue trunks diet”).

Now spring is a time of new beginnings, so I apply this literally and think it’s time I had a new beginning in the form of nice, shiny and new COUNTDOWN.

And not the kind that has Carol Vorderman fumbling for 2 from the top.

There is a stumbling block to this master plan however.

You see this is the year We Are Not Going To Florida. This is the year we come over all Kirsty and Phil and spend our hard earned pennies turning Chez Allie into something that might appear in Good Homes magazine. Currently, Chez Allie is one of those houses that Kirsty, in her most condescending tone will advise potential buyers to “look past the decor”.

Builders have been booked for various renovations, decorating hats are firmly on and slowly things are coming together. Well, some things are. But not my new countdown. Husband is still firmly being firm about “No holidays”. I up my whinge factor a few more notches. Husband cracks slightly as I find him browsing the Virgin Holidays website. Aha – BUSTED!

This crack in the armour needs exploiting fast, so quicker than The Stig driving a reasonably priced car around a disused airfield, I’m on the case, getting Val to look into fly drive prices for Christmas.

In a resounding stroke of luck, there is a fly drive available on December 8th for less than we paid 4 years ago. With bargains like these, I need to ramp up the campaign to get Husband to agree. My usual tactic is simply to pester and whine like a 4 year old, however he is being particularly resistant to this, this year, so resort to sending him emails at work with favourite Florida things like Bahama Mamas, Tony Roma’s Ribs and the Wal-Mart.

The week goes like this.

Monday – We Definitely Are NOT Going to Florida This Year
Tuesday- We Are Not Going To Florida This Year
Wednesday- We Aren’t Going To Florida
Thursday- We MIGHT be going to Florida
Friday – Fly Drive Booked and Deposit Paid.

Job Done. It’s all good – we are going.

Things tick over nicely for a few months – Spring turns effortlessly into summer when the torrential rain and howling winds reap the remaining blossom from the trees and the frolicking lambs are now found in the Meat section of your local Iceland awaiting to adorn Kerry Katona’s Sunday Lunch table (assuming there is room amongst the whisky bottles and crack - haha).

The house is looking better as our newly acquired “Paint Pod” turns the dated decor into fresh, neutral tones and we can shower upstairs without someone downstairs joining in the experience too.

It’s time to think about booking a villa. As this trip is Not Really Allowed, I am told to search out “budget” accommodation. Now, I admit, I’m not good with the word “budget”. I start off with good intentions and then it all goes crazy wrong somewhere down the line.

This year, nothing changes.

I get quotes for villas in out of the way places. I think some were maybe a bit generous with their “only 20 minutes to Disney” claims once I checked on Google Maps. Yes, 20 minutes if you are on board a fighter jet travelling at mach 1 maybe, or you thumbed a ride with Lewis Hamilton who just happened to mosey on by in his Ferrari, otherwise YEAH, RIGHT. I think some may have been closer to Disney Land Paris.

The search gets closer, and prices sneak up. I find some nice places in areas we have stayed before like Highlands Reserve. Husband is unenthusiastic, whimpering about driving “all the time”.

Right then, soddeth all that. Time to grab the bull by its proverbial, er, horns and I go straight for the Golden Ticket amongst Villas, Windsor Hills. We have stayed here several times before and loved it. Only problem is, it is not cheap. Fortunately, neither am I (hee hee) and its not long before Husband is gently cajoled into upping the budget and a 5 bed 5 bath Windsor Hills palace is duly booked.

I should note that at this point in time, the term Credit Crunch was something I thought was a new, but oddly named cereal from Kellogs and did not really forsee the impending Global Financial Disaster (a bit like Gordon Brown then eh?).

By the autumn, Lehman Brothers could be bought in your local Pound Shop, Bradford & Bingley finally hung up its bowler hat and more serious than all of this, Travel City Direct went mammary glands up leaving the passengers stranded across the globe. The Credit Crunch had well and truly arrived and wasn’t something you ate before work with a sprinkling of sugar and some sliced banana.

Husband’s job started to suddenly look shaky. He is a contractor in the city and his clients include American Banks (gulp), UK Banks (double gulp) and the Construction Industry (collapse on the floor gulping). Rather quickly, the trip to Florida seemed a very silly idea indeed.

We hummed and we haahed about things. As it stood, although his main client had laid off 16 contractors in his department, leaving only 2 (one of those being Husband) he was told he was needed for a certain job in the far East. Good Times.

Two weeks later, said job gets put on hold – Bad Times.

In a stroke of luck something else came up so he was guaranteed work till Christmas. In light of this, and the fact we would get next to nothing back if we cancelled, we decided to Go. What the heck and all that. We could sit and conjure up a million doom-laden scenarios and I feel very guilty having booked now, but in the words of that Wise Old Sage, Saint Homer of Simpson “You can’t keep blaming yourself – blame yourself once and move on”.


The autumn didn’t just bring woes with work, another problem surfaced, this time with my villa booking.

The fingers of the Global Credit Crunch have poked into many places - who knew we’d be at war with Iceland by October (and I’d be very afraid as they have Sportacus and Kerry Katona on their team). Another victim is the volatile Florida Housing Market where daily, more and more villas are being foreclosed. Which is a big American banking word that means “we are taking your house scumbag”.

In a sudden moment of panic, when I had not had the balance reminder for my villa payment, I did a little bit of detective work. First, I put on my deerstalker and chewed thoughtfully on a large pipe, next I logged onto the Osceola County Court website and playfully tapped in my owners name and the villa address. Surely nothing would show up?

Something shows up.

There is a strange Latin name appearing against the villa details and it isn’t Maximus Decimus Meridius, it’s something called a Lis Pendis. Well, ha ha, that sounds nice. I wonder if it means “Lovely Place” in Latin? Lets Google it and see.

Holy Crap. Lis Pendis isn’t Latin for Lovely Place its Latin for “We are taking your house scumbag”. Cripes.

Panic ensues and I post a lengthy tome on The Dibb describing my predicament. I am eternally grateful to all the Villa Owners that helped me out with this.

I could rattle on for ages about this saga, but the upshot of it all is we are still booked in this villa after reassurances from the owner and the Management Co. I can’t say I feel extremely confident about things and fear our first night maybe spent somewhere dreadful like the Pop Century (tee hee) but I had to gamble one way or t’other and we decided to go with it. This could prove to be a monumentally poor decision, maybe even on a par with Ruth being kicked off the X-Factor.

In another spectacularly bad bit of timing, the dollar is at its lowest rate against the pound since the olden days, back when Virgin were good and Petrol was cheaper than Moet & Chandon.

This may have to kerb my usual spending spree. So it’s hardly worth going really...nah, only kidding!

So, here we are my friends. It’s all but 2 days before we depart for London Gatwick for a night at the Sofitel.

I’m not packed because I’m typing this. I have no dollars because the eternal optimist in me kept saying “the rate is sure to go up tomorrow”. My villa might have a giant padlock on it and for sale sign out front. We have no lift home from the airport as mother-in-law has the audacity to go to New Zealand for Christmas and doesn’t get back till January. I have no Disney Annual Pass as I was going to buy it “when the rate got better”. I have a chest infection and feel like poo.

BUT apart from those minor things, I’m looking forward to going.

See you back here in 2009!

Love from
Allie

[Ros & Jim]

Loved your post - it certainly made me smile. Have a great holiday.

Only 4 sleeps till we are off ourselves - yiphee!

[pepsicube]

Brilliant pre-trippie, well written! Now get packing!
Hope your villa is open for business, your chest infection cures itself & the dollar rate drastically recovers!
Have a brilliant holiday!

[*source*]

Brilliant pre-trippie! Loved the humour! With you all the way...! All the best for the Villa and hope you feel better soon JO xx

[voddygirl]

Well done Allie fab trippie... hope you all have a great time with Mickey

[anniee]

Loved your report, have a great holiday and if things aren't good with dh'd work when you return you could write a book ( i certainly couldn't i typed right first then changed it to wright before dislodging my mental block before getting write right, you must now be lost cos i am) What I am trying to say is your report is v humorous

A xx

[rusty30]

Thanks everyone!

[stephwa]

Aww fab pre-trippie hun. I hope it all works out. Have a wonderful time

[Guest]

Great pre-trippie Allie Can't wait for the next installment. You did leave out your powers of persuasion evening you had though I really hope you and your lovely family have the happiest of times. Wishing you and yours a Very Merry Christmas, have fun x

[Guest]

Fantastic pre trippy, actually the best I've read.
Husbands are so gullable!
I hope you have a fab time, and look forward to your full trip reports