What an awful couple of days!UPDATE

[Princess Ariel]

DS (20) who has had various issues over the last couple of years, mainly with poor control of diabetes moved into his new flat on Tuesday. We were hoping this would be a new start. I had paid his 1st weeks rent upfront last week and organised his benefits and sorted his water and other bills for him.
He was still waiting for furniture for the fiat and I encouraged him to stay with his Dad for a few days until it was furnished but he chose to move in on Tuesday.
I messaged him on Tuesday morning with a code to reset the electricity meter (it’s a prepayment meter). I then heard nothing until he phoned me on Wednesday evening to say he’d tried to reset the meter but it wasn’t working and he was sat in the flat freezing cold with no electricity. I told him I would contact the electricity company and try and sort it...I did berate him for not sorting it as soon as he moved in and he replied by swearing profusely at me down the phone and he hung up.
I managed to get a new code and messaged this to him...I got no reply.
Wednesday morning I receive a telephone call from my stepdaughter to say DS has contacted her saying he is feeling ill and can she come up and sit with him. She found him collapsed on the floor, vomiting heavily, sweating and shivering and unable to move. He was blue lighted to A&E with DKA and a pulse of 178 where he spent almost 12 hours in resus. He almost died. He stayed in that flat for 48 hours with no heating, hot water or electricty. I’d his phone battery had died he wouldn’t have been able to call for help and probably wouldn’t be with us now.
He is currently on a high care unit, his Dad is already urging him to discharge himself over the weekend to ‘sort the flat out’
Yesterday I contacted his community mental health team because I am so concerned for his safety, unbeknown to DS or his Dad they have arranged for a MHAA to take place on Monday morning with a view to sectioning him and admitting him to a mental health unit. High care have agreed to keep him until then and if he tries to self discharge from high care they will immediately place him in a short term section.
I feel awful doing this behind DS’s back but I know if I tell him or his Dad what I’ve done they will plan what he will say in the assessment in order to be discharged. I honestly don’t think he realises the dangerous and life threatening position he put himself in the other night and I have to do what I can to keep him safe.
Sorry I know I’m ranting and I don’t want any advice as such, I just needed to let it all out as my head is all over the place at the moment.

[BevS97]

I hope he can get some help in the unit. It sounds like it’s been a very difficult time for you all.

[Guest]

No advice to give I am afraid, but hope that he is able to get the help and support he needs.

[Omega1]

Not a rant, just an explanation of a very complex and difficult situation- good luck.

[KayLouise]

So sorry you are going through this. You have done the right thing xx

[Princess Ariel]

Originally Posted by FamilyGWales

No advice to give I am afraid, but hope that he is able to get the help and support he needs.

Good that he phoned your stepdaughter and that she was sensible enough to be able to deal, must have been very worrying for her too.

And you? Have you got somebody to help and support you? It sounds as though it is a very stressful situation for you too. Take care and look after yourself too.

Feel free to event or clear your head here any time.

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It’s really affected her... she has a lot of ‘what ifs’ going around in her head at the moment. She said she’s never seen anything as bad as how he was when she got to him. I’m offering her lots of support as I have found DS like this on numerous occasions which actually resulted in me having a breakdown just over 12 months ago. It really is horrific.
I am okay, it is a very very difficult situation and the hardest thing is feeling like I’ve done it behind his back but I don’t think he would agree to an informal admission at this stage. He has just messaged me to say that his white blood cell count is high so they think he also has an infection so he’s on antibiotics now too.

[Dayle]

As a parent of a young adult I sometimes find it a difficult balance between supporting them and letting them deal with everything themselves it must be so much more difficult for you when your son as health issues as well that you know from past experience can quickly spiral out of control.
Don’t feel guilty about contacting the mental health team you are doing everything you can to care and support your son at a difficult time for you all.
Hope your son accepts all the help and resources that are available. Best wishes to you all.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by Princess Ariel

It’s really affected her... she has a lot of ‘what ifs’ going around in her head at the moment. She said she’s never seen anything as bad as how he was when she got to him. I’m offering her lots of support as I have found DS like this on numerous occasions which actually resulted in me having a breakdown just over 12 months ago. It really is horrific.
I am okay, it is a very very difficult situation and the hardest thing is feeling like I’ve done it behind his back but I don’t think he would agree to an informal admission at this stage. He has just messaged me to say that his white blood cell count is high so they think he also has an infection so he’s on antibiotics now too.

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I edited my original post as I worried I had overstepped, but as you have seen it...

It's an awful lot to cope with for everybody. Horrible juggling both the immediate crisis but looking to the future too.
Sometimes it takes tough love, it may not be what he would agree with now, but may recognise the necessity in the future. May be hard in the interim though, not going to lie. For what it's worth, I think you have done the right thing, the thing I would do. The assessment will come back on Monday and you will know then, they won't act unneccessarily.

With regard to the infection, that's an extra layer he doesn't need, but at least he is in the best place he can be at the moment and you have the start of a plan for next week. It's not much of a consolation but it is a good thing to focus on for now.

[cartoonp]

Arrrvso so sorry sending hugs and thinking of you x

[Princess Ariel]

Thanks everyone, I don’t feel anyone has ‘overstepped’ in any way I’m so grateful for the support, DH tries to support me and he is great but he struggles and is of the mindset ‘he is doing it to himself’ rather like my ex husband.
It has almost torn the family apart over the last couple of years I’m not going to lie and I have had to make some absolutely awful decisions for the sake of the rest of the family (I have two younger DS’s who live at home).
I know that DS still carries some resentment about some of the decisions I have made, especially not having him back to live in the family home as he accused me of disowning him the other day, it upset me so much. The hardest decision I ever had to make was not having him back home to live but the situation was untenable, he was becoming ill on an almost monthly basis and it was affecting my other two children. I have in no way disowned him, I have continued to liaise with mental health services on his behalf and the YMCA where he was staying and I’ve told him he can come over whenever he wants. I have continued to actively support and help him, I just cannot put my other children through the trauma of what his older sister saw two days ago... it’s just not fair. Obviously I understand that because of his mental health at the moment he cannot see beyond the hurt, anxiety and depressed way he is feeling but it’s just an awful situation. I just want to see my son happy and I don’t think he truly has been for over 3 years now.