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29 Nov 21, 02:03 AM |
#31
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Imagineer
Join Date: Nov 10
Location: Durham
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Hi NtO D5 said in her opening post the eldest bairn has told her parents she doesn't want the items that are left on the doorstep.
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29 Nov 21, 07:37 AM |
#32
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Thread Starter
Being a bit Goofy
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Dd7 is very switched on. She is a very family orientated wee girl and will often ask why they dont want to see their own son amd grandkids. For her sake we wouldn’t tell her at this age that they see their other 2 grand daughters as we dont want her thinking she is not good enough etc. She obviously sees the relationship we have with my parents and she has has an amazing relationship with them too. We have always made her aware that spending time with someone is more important than receiving gifts and that is why she doesnt want them. My kids have more than they could ever wish for and certainly don’t need stuff from them. The joys of families!
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29 Nov 21, 09:04 AM |
#33
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Apprentice Imagineer
Join Date: Jan 18
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If you don’t want a relationship with them full stop then i think you need to consider stopping returning the gifts to their door step. On the face of it (i say this not knowing the full history) it seems a little childish - sorry.
If you have to do it then i’d make this the last time and would include a polite note stating that you dont wish to receive any further gifts from them and any future gifts will be given to charity. |
29 Nov 21, 09:41 AM |
#34
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VIP Dibber
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This is such a hard situation, I’m so sorry you are going through this OP.
I agree with other posters, that you don’t want to be continually putting things on the doorstep, as that means you are playing games as well sadly. I agree that a polite note saying future gifts will be donated to charity, so that will break the doorstep cycle at least from your end. Otherwise, (sorry if I’ve missed this), does your DH have a relationship with his sister? Perhaps he could tell her how he feels and that your DD doesn’t want the gifts either? (Just thinking that may get through to his parents more if they realise the grandchildren are also aware of what is going on and don’t want any part in it). It’s all just so sad that a common, happy ground can’t be met - but equally you need to protect the emotional well-being of your little family unit. Take care xx |
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29 Nov 21, 09:51 AM |
#35
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Thread Starter
Being a bit Goofy
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Thanks, he doesnt speak to either of his sisters unfortunately. They are very snobby and have always looked down on him. Both have only met out oldest dd 6 yrs ago. They didnt speak at his grans funeral etc. the oldest sister rarely speaks to his parents either and she lives abroad. I think the way to go is to put a note on this parcel. We dont want to play games but at the same time we need them to realise we are not accepting things from them.
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29 Nov 21, 09:54 AM |
#36
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Apprentice Imagineer
Join Date: Jan 18
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29 Nov 21, 10:06 AM |
#37
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VIP Dibber
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I have no idea of the relationship so am making no comment (although perhaps my family are excessively materialistic as I have never known a child refuse a present). What I did want to say was some charities, I think it may be the Salvation Army do a collection for children in hostels where you wrap a present and put a note saying child's gender and age and they are donated appropriately. I'm sorry I don't know more details but our was organized by a local hairdresser so I just gave it in. I would donate to something like this then write and tell them that's what I'd done and suggest they cut out the middleman next time.
Edited at 10:07 AM. |
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29 Nov 21, 12:41 PM |
#38
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Imagineer
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Are the nieces older ?
My son’s grandmother had little to do with my son (her only grandchild at the time) as a small child , she’s lovely but she’s definitely not the Granny or even Mum type . Always generous with presents though. As an adult my son reconnected with her and they have a lovely relationship as do I , we all had lunch yesterday ( (but there’s no relationship with the young kids from my husband’s second marriage ), she just doesn’t do young children. Some people just don’t do kids, even if they have had their own. |
29 Nov 21, 12:55 PM |
#39
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Thread Starter
Being a bit Goofy
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29 Nov 21, 01:00 PM |
#40
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Getting Excited
Join Date: Jul 21
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What a horrible situation. I totally empathise as I’m in a similar situation. To me, returning the gifts keeps the communications lines open even if it is in a weird confrontational way. Personally and that’s just me, but I would give them to the kids and not let them know who bought them, and not acknowledge them in any way 🤷🏼
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