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Old 4 Jul 22, 01:31 PM  
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#21
JAF
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Not sure if you work or not but a friend of ours who found herself suddenly bereaved and newly moved to a new area joined the U3A as they seem to have lots of different activities and groups and found that helped her.
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Old 4 Jul 22, 01:49 PM  
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#22
Lilpickle08
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Originally Posted by JAF View Post
Not sure if you work or not but a friend of ours who found herself suddenly bereaved and newly moved to a new area joined the U3A as they seem to have lots of different activities and groups and found that helped her.
Would 2nd this, my mum also recently lost her partner and has also joined U3A - the group has been brilliant for her.
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Old 4 Jul 22, 04:59 PM  
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#23
waiting4disney
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Iím so sorry to hear this. Have you had any counselling? cruise bereavement are a friendly charity, you can arrange to chat to someone.

Itís very early days, eventually you may feel like starting a new activity.

I hope you can try to sort the neighbour out though x
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Old 4 Jul 22, 05:59 PM  
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Sunnydays
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Sorry to read this as another suggested ring doorbell a great idea we have a camera in a window not even set up (just for show at the moment) stopped problems with our neighbour.

I hope you can speak to someone regarding the grief as it is still very early days x

Edited at 07:35 PM.
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Old 4 Jul 22, 07:13 PM  
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Old 4 Jul 22, 07:42 PM  
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#26
MargaretMouse
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I have just brought the ring doorbell and thanks for everyone sending me messages, just reading them is helping.
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Old 4 Jul 22, 09:14 PM  
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#27
Shutterbug
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When my FIL died two years ago, my MIL had no support other than her sons, they'd moved a few years before to be close to us (opposite) with the other son a couple of hours drive away. She had never had to be independent before and her world revolved around her husband. She did have antidepressants, a bereavement counsellor, joined a local bereavement group which is now more a social club and even volunteers locally. She's made new friends, got more hobbies and activities and widened her support circle. It wasn't easy and won't be there are ups and downs and I can't even begin to comprehend how you're feeling, i just wanted to let you know that there can be brighter times ahead.

I sympathise with the neighbour bother, we had trouble on both sides when i was growing up, keep a log of events, dates, times, and if you feel at risk, please ring the police.
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Old 5 Jul 22, 11:01 PM  
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#28
MargaretMouse
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Thanks so much for all your kind words and suggestionsÖ..Iím trying to take one day at a time. I had a very long chat with my friend Jenny on the telephone today, we made contact as she is in very similar circumstances to me., she is on the Dibb. She phones me every Tuesday and has been a tower of strength, she has helped me in so many ways and she herself has lost her husband, just shortly, after I lost my husband. So many kind people out there, even though my neighbour isnít one of them.
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Old 5 Jul 22, 11:08 PM  
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#29
Princess Alison
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I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so alone. We are all here for you - even dibbers like me who have been reading but not always responding.

I don't know where you are located but maybe we should try and organise a dibb meet ?!
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Old 6 Jul 22, 01:32 PM  
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#30
sam_b
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I have no real practical help to offer, I just wanted to send my warmest wishes.
As others have said 7 months is no time at all to adjust to your new life and living next door to an idiot is no help at all.
I havenít been through the same bereavement as you, but I have experienced my relationship of 20 years coming to an abrupt end out of the blue, which I think may have some similarities in terms of feeling alone and losing the future that you thought that you had.
It took me a long time to rediscover who I was as a person on my own, not as one half of a couple. This was not a journey that I wanted to undertake or had expected to. Little by little it became easier.
I tried to find things that I would enjoy - theatre and cinema (on my own or with friends). I threw myself into a new hobby (mountain biking) which got me outside and fitter. I indulged myself and my sister in a business class trip to Singapore Ö. And as daft as it sounds I bought an expensive duvet and sheets Ö I wanted my bed to be a haven, a refuge Ö.my safe space.
Gradually things started to feel a little better.. there was no single amazing day where I woke up and felt greatÖbut I slowly started to come to terms with who I was and to start thinking about what I wanted.
So, my advice, for what its worth, is to be kind to yourself, to indulge yourself and to start to try to find joy in small things - a bar of your favourite chocolate, a fancy spa day, a weekend break, a show, a walk on a beach, a chat with a friend, a long lie in with the Sunday papers Ö little by little and slowly, these small patches of joy will start to knit up together Ö and one day you will feel the scales tip a little more towards contentment than sorrow.
Take your time - there is no fast forward button - but it WILL get better.

Edited at 03:01 PM.
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