Utterly Heartbroken and Devastated

[DisneyStacey]

Don't know why I've decided to post this on here all of a sudden, I think I just need an outlet to vent.

3 and a half weeks ago, my fiance (of 11 1/2 years) told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore and didn't want to be with me.
It came totally out of the blue and couldn't have been more unexpected.

I asked if there was someone else, he assured me there wasn't. I trusted him implicitly (as I have our whole relationship). I just couldn't understand.

He didn't want to try to see if we could salvage our relationship, didn't want to try counselling or try and work through things on our own now I knew there was an issue.

He said he loved me, but didn't want to be with me. Said he was still attracted to me. Just said that he wanted to be on his own. His head was a mess, he didn't know what he wanted anymore.

We were still living in the house together. He would sometimes come up to bed with me at night. He would sit there and hold my hand, or put his hand on my leg. I just could not understand. After 2 weeks of living like this, I discovered he's been seeing another woman. It started 3 weeks before he broke up with me. (Even worse is that I know this woman - we both worked with her.)

He would ring her the minute after I left the house in the morning, ring her at night after I'd gone to bed, ring her on his break at work, when he got into work, on his way home from the pub.

I like to think I'm a fairly astute person, but I never saw any signs - he was so, so sly and deceptive.

Now, I'm just left doubting everything I am. Why was I not good enough? What's wrong with me? What does she have that I don't? Why can't he love me?

When the person who knows you better than anyone else can't love you, then who can.

I'm just totally devastated. Struggling to accept things and move on.

I've lost over a stone and a half in three weeks. Struggling to sleep at night.

It's like he's just flicked off like a switch and totally isn't bothered about me anymore. He hasn't even tried to contact me.

Our daughter is heartbroken. She just can't understand. I am trying to keep things together for her, but she doesn't want to see or speak to her dad at the minute. He texts her every morning. But she just says she has nothing to say to him.

She says she wants to speak to the dad she had, not the one she's got now.
It's heartbreaking.

(For the record - I am not, nor will I ever, stop her from seeing or speaking to him. I have told her I am 100% behind her and I will support her with everything I am/have. She needn't worry about upsetting me if she wants to talk to him, I just want for her to be okay. And I will help her through it in any and every way that I can.)

She is such a wise soul. She said to me "There's nothing wrong with you, Mum. The problem is with him. You are amazing." She's only 10 (nearly 11).

There's so much more, but I'm really struggling to get everything down and make it make sense.

There's a knot in my stomach that just won't go. Starting to wonder if it ever will.

Don't really know the point of this post, but think I just need somewhere to get it all out.

[Mum-marshmallow]

I am so sorry you're going through this. What a horrible thing for you and your daughter to go through. I haven't got any words of wisdom but just wanted to send you some hugs x

[jndt]

I think your daughter is right - the problem is with him not you. If he wasn't happy it was up to him to speak up or change things. Don't doubt yourself - he was sly because he knew it was wrong and hid it from you.

I hope that in time you realise your own self worth and build a wonderful life without him x

[Rac20]

Aww... sending big hugs to you. Please don’t feel that you have done anything wrong. I am sure that you haven’t and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your daughter sounds like an old soul for someone so young. Bless her. I’m really rubbish at giving advice (so won’t) but didn’t want to read and run. Xx

[skalexander]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. But the problem is with him, not with you. You've done nothing wrong here.

I can't imagine what you're going through, but my best friend was in a similar position. Her boyfriend of 10 years walked out without an explanation about 5 years ago. It took a bit of time, but she's now engaged to a really lovely man and they've recently had a baby.

It doesn't feel like it now, but you will get through this.

[WhereIBelong]

So sorry you are going through it...
unfortunately the grass is always greener elsewhere for some...

[MariaLynda]

Big hugs... so sorry you are going through this. I didn't want to read and not post.

[Labboy]

Feel so sad for you and your daughter, as a guy I think wth was he thinking stupid boy. It is Him and certainly not you.

[Tinkerbell]

Words fail me

You have an amazing daughter

Take care

[EssexSue]

Oh sweetheart so sorry to read this,but you will get over it, after all your daughter didn't inherit he amazingness from him did she? X