Worried about DS

[Rac20]

My youngest son started secondary school in September and I’m really worried about him.

First, I got a safeguarding phone call from school saying that they’d been told that he’d told his friends that if he wasn’t in in the morning that it was because he’d killed himself. That was all because he was being “teased” about being small and because he had a “girlfriend.”

Then we’ve had issues with him not buying lunch. His excuses range from, “It’s too busy,” “We got out late,” “I’m not hungry.” Which means he’s going from 7 in a morning until 6 at night without eating and even then I have to force feed him to eat. He’s always had a small appetite and he is small for his age but this is starting to really worry me now. I put snacks in his bag to have at afternoon break and they go untouched.

Finally tonight, I’ve received a message from a parent of a child that DS went to school with saying that my DS has been subjected to a torrent of abuse on a messaging group saying that he’s ugly and that he cries all the time and that they’ve posted a photo of him and just making fun of him basically. She won’t show me the messages as she says they are “vile” and I would hate to read them. She said that some of the messages have come from his supposed “friends” from primary school and the only person who stuck up for him was her daughter. The mum who messaged me posted on the group and told them all to pack it in.

He’s adamant I don’t contact school but how can I not? I don’t trust school not to tell him that I have contacted them and I don’t want to break his confidence but I really feel he’s being bullied. My DS has the biggest heart of anyone I know and would help anyone and up until he started secondary school he was so happy and now he’s having to deal with all this. I feel sick that he’s going through all this and have no idea what to do. 😢

[anna68]

Oh gosh I’m so sorry that sounds awful. I don’t really know what the right answer is. I think if it were me I’d be keeping him off school and finding a counsellor ASAP.

[buryboy]

Crikey , what a situation

You must be sick with worry .

I think on balance I would definitely phone the school .
You can’t just ignore the words in the second paragraph.

Have you had a real heart to heart with him over the eating , the poor thought process and the bullying ?

You need to get on top of this - he probably doesn’t know how to do it by himself

I would ring your family doctor for advice too

[Sandra & co]

I would get in touch with the school because bullying shouldn’t be allowed so you need to nip it in the bud. Youngsters of today always talk about killing themselves, my dd 18 does and I’m sure she wouldn’t, if anything goes wrong she says I’m going to kill myself. Saying that both my sons had trouble in year 7 and as they get older they do grow up and behave better, have a word with the school there’s probably a councillor who can talk to your son. Hope you get it sorted, I’d keep him at home if he’s really unhappy till it’s sorted out x

[Rac20]

Originally Posted by anna68

Oh gosh I’m so sorry that sounds awful. I don’t really know what the right answer is. I think if it were me I’d be keeping him off school and finding a counsellor ASAP.

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When I spoke to him about the suicide thing he said he didn’t mean it, he just wanted people to stop teasing him. The school said that when they spoke to DS, his main concern was whether he could find out who had told school as he wanted to thank them for looking out for him. That’s the kind of boy he is. Beautiful and kind and he doesn’t deserve people to be horrible to him.

I have wondered about phoning the doctors about the eating thing. We went Christmas shopping today and he wolfed down a McDonald’s with no problems which makes me think it’s all linked to school.

[Fluffypenguin]

How awful for him. That made me sad to read.

I was bullied for most of my life, first by my elder half sister and then by my supposed “friends” when I was in high school.

I think that’s the worst sort of behaviour, bullying someone who’s supposed to be your friend, it’s just an ultimate betrayal and the children should be ashamed of themselves.

As he’s only in year 7, I would probably suggest contacting the school to see if they can investigate. Give them the names of the preparators that you know and tell them what you know so far and see what they suggest as their course of action.

Is there anyway that you can block these children from his phone? I’m guessing that’s easier said than done when they’re meant to be friends.

[Orlando 2004]

So sorry and hope you can find out what's going on. Much as you don't want to see the messages I think you should insist the other mum sends you screenshots as it may be needed as proof of bullying. Are these children at secondary school with your son too? Has he made new friends?

[Sandra & co]

If he anxious at school he won’t eat and will probably feel sick, get the school situation sorted out and hopefully he will feel better x

[Rac20]

Originally Posted by buryboy

Crikey , what a situation

You must be sick with worry .

I think on balance I would definitely phone the school .
You can’t just ignore the words in the second paragraph.

Have you had a real heart to heart with him over the eating , the poor thought process and the bullying ?

You need to get on top of this - he probably doesn’t know how to do it by himself

I would ring your family doctor for advice too

See more...

Thank you. The eating thing is a big worry and I know from your previous posts that you sadly have first hand experience and I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I’ll monitor it over the next week and if there’s no improvement, I’ll ring the Doctors.

[Rac20]

Originally Posted by Sandra & co

If he anxious at school he won’t eat and will probably feel sick, get the school situation sorted out and hopefully he will feel better x

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This is what I think is wrong. He’s come from a tiny primary school with less than 100 kids to a high school with 1500. He wasn’t even in school since March and then on top of that he’s having all these kids being mean to him. I think he’s being bullied. On the plus side, he does seem to also have friends who stick up for him and look out for him.