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Old 5 Jun 19, 05:39 PM  
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#21
Pookie3101
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I’m in the middle of this now , as my dh of 21 years (together 28) walked out 9 months ago and just sent me a text message. I can’t give you a super positive story, as I’m not far enough along in my journey, but I am nowhere near the place I was when he left. It’s not been easy and I have had some dark days but I am getting there.
My advice is to be kind to yourself. Let all the emotions out and deal with them. It’s a bereavement for the life you thought you had and it’s hard. I still cry, I still get angry days and I still wake up in fear, but they are nowhere near as bad as they were and I bounce back much quicker.
My husband had some kind of breakdown. He feels all the decisions he made in his life were others, not his own and he hadn’t achieved anything. He is living happy living on his own. He doesn’t want any responsibility and wants to make his own decisions. He said he likes being like a hermit.
As others say, life has a funny way of turning out great from what seems so bleak. Hang in there, keep talking and look after yourself. Xx
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Old 5 Jun 19, 07:02 PM  
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tigerfee
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Sorry this has happened to you..
Just want to share my sister's story with you. She was living with her boyfriend of 5 years, they had a one year old and she was around 7 month pregnant with another baby. He wouldn't help in any way. My sister had a hard pregnancy where the baby was at risk for almost all of it. After an argument she told him to leave, she thought they were just having an argument and it would wake him up a bit to help more. The following week she discovered from Facebook he was on holiday with his girlfriend!
She was devastated, and shocked...it took a huge effort from us (her family) to help her get through it, the pregnancy and the aftermath. Her whole future that she had planned was gone.

Fastforward 2 and half years
She has a whole new life.
2 super cute kids
A lovely new home in the area she always wanted.
Her whole personality is different, she happier and stronger
And she has found love with a new man who is total opposite of her ex.
Treats my sister and the kids so well. Her and her first child was always second best to her ex.

She can't believe how her life has turned so much for the better.

Don't give up hope ..there's a better life out there for you
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Old 5 Jun 19, 07:23 PM  
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Floridatilly
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I noticed you was planning on getting a mortgage together. Was you living together/renting? If so can you manage that by yourself? Any joint finances, pets etc?
I had been with my ex for over 6 years, lived together for 3. Once living together he started to work shifts and if I was at work when he was off he would drink and drink and drink so that by the time I got home he would be nasty and violent. We had a lovely brand new house, new car and two beautiful British bulldogs.
I had chose him over my family, who hated him. I had made my bed, made my choice so I felt that I was stuck. I would live in fear at work wondering if he would be sober or drunk when I got home.
After every time he beat me he would beg for forgiveness and promise me he would never do it again. He said he only did it because he loved me so much and could not stand me working alongside other men (I worked in an office)
After 3 years of drunken violence he beat me worse than ever, he threw me downstairs, kicked me and smashed my face in whilst I was unconscious. Luckily our neighbours called the police.
So with 3 broken ribs, broken nose, broken cheekbone and a split open head and two nights in hospital. I got a taxi from the hospital back to my mum and dads.
I left my house, my car and my dogs, all my belongings (which he burned) He refused to pay any of the mortgage so I had to pay it all plus all the bills even though he was living there because I did not want to get black listed, so it was a messy brake.
12 months later I met my husband. We have been together for 20 years and 3 beautiful children. He does not have a violent bone in his body and he knows how I feel around men who are drunk so he never has more than a pint or two and that’s only at Christmas.
Things may seem hard at the moment but things can and will get better!
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Old 5 Jun 19, 08:05 PM  
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This happened to me, seven year relationship, I was a similar age to you, suddenly he just finished it. Im pretty certain he was cheating on me. I thought we would marry, have children. He completely broke my heart, left me homeless and took our dog 😢 I had quite a few weeks of being utterly distraught but work (teacher) kept me busy. I rediscovered my long neglected friends and social life. I started having fun.

Eventually met my now husband, we had children, got married. 😀
It will all work out ok x
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Old 5 Jun 19, 08:22 PM  
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I was with my ex for 10 years, we met when we were 24 and got married when we were 26. We split up after I found out that he had only got together with me because I reminded him of his ex. He admitted it when I asked him and so I dumped him. They got back together not long after and had a kid. It was very hard but I had to move on and keep myself together - I had no choice in the matter. I have mental health problems which didn't help matters though. But finding out that my life had been a lie for 10 years was very difficult.

Edited at 08:24 PM.
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Old 5 Jun 19, 08:30 PM  
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It’s only after that people told me how much better I was without him (he was a big drinker), how they did nt like him. How down trodden and sad I looked and how I’m now much happier and stronger. I dont think I realised at the time how bad I was.
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Old 5 Jun 19, 09:52 PM  
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Originally Posted by Floridatilly View Post
I noticed you was planning on getting a mortgage together. Was you living together/renting? If so can you manage that by yourself? Any joint finances, pets etc?
I had been with my ex for over 6 years, lived together for 3. Once living together he started to work shifts and if I was at work when he was off he would drink and drink and drink so that by the time I got home he would be nasty and violent. We had a lovely brand new house, new car and two beautiful British bulldogs.
I had chose him over my family, who hated him. I had made my bed, made my choice so I felt that I was stuck. I would live in fear at work wondering if he would be sober or drunk when I got home.
After every time he beat me he would beg for forgiveness and promise me he would never do it again. He said he only did it because he loved me so much and could not stand me working alongside other men (I worked in an office)
After 3 years of drunken violence he beat me worse than ever, he threw me downstairs, kicked me and smashed my face in whilst I was unconscious. Luckily our neighbours called the police.
So with 3 broken ribs, broken nose, broken cheekbone and a split open head and two nights in hospital. I got a taxi from the hospital back to my mum and dads.
I left my house, my car and my dogs, all my belongings (which he burned) He refused to pay any of the mortgage so I had to pay it all plus all the bills even though he was living there because I did not want to get black listed, so it was a messy brake.
12 months later I met my husband. We have been together for 20 years and 3 beautiful children. He does not have a violent bone in his body and he knows how I feel around men who are drunk so he never has more than a pint or two and that’s only at Christmas.
Things may seem hard at the moment but things can and will get better!
I don't even have words for you Floridatilly. I could feel myself getting upset reading that. I am so sorry you had to go through that. It sounds horrific. I can't begin to imagine what it was like to live with an animal like that. Thank God you found the strength to get away and that you found happiness x
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Old 5 Jun 19, 10:38 PM  
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Some gut-wrenching stories all round
Good luck tour you all
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Old 6 Jun 19, 08:45 AM  
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Originally Posted by missmydisneyday View Post
Long term Dibb user but can’t bring myself to post under my normal name.

I really need some positive stories from people’s experiences.

I have just been abruptly left by my partner of five years. When I say “out of the blue”, I really feel that this has come out of nowhere. I’m not someone who lives in denial- there were no signs, I thought we were completely happy. He was completely himself until one day last week he just got up and decided he was done. Until this point he was still writing me little love letters, still making plans with me and discussing the future. We planned on getting a mortgage this year and he was always very upfront about wanting children with me and getting married. I haven’t been given an explanation- right now I have given up on ever getting one and have decided to throw myself into moving on.

The thing is I am struggling to know how to go forward when I believed my future was set out on a certain path. I am 29 now and feel aggrieved that my chosen future has been taken away from me. I have invested so much into being half a couple, I don’t know how to be a whole person and can’t see a future.

I have very supportive friends and family and my mental health is over all good so I am not worried about myself as such. I just need to know other people's experiences of moving on and that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and how they dealt with a situation such as this.

So has anyone got any advice or experiences of how they dealt with a situation such as this and still had a happy ending?
My friends’ (married for 15 years, two girls) husband came home from work and announced he was leaving his job to join a start up. She said it sounded a bit risky and was it the right decision. He said if she didn’t like it, he’d take “his” decisions somewhere where she didn’t have to look at them and that was it. She felt it had come out of the blue, but a couple of years down the line she can look back and see lots of signs that she never noticed at the time.
She’s very happy in a new relationship.
Stating the obvious this has come as a huge shock and you need time to process what’s happened.
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Old 6 Jun 19, 09:04 AM  
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Floridatilly that’s absolutely awful. I’m so sorry you went through this. Although my ex liked a drink, did stupid things he never physically hurt me. I’m so pleased you ve found happiness.
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