Upset- how would they find my address?

[sammykitten]

Sites like tracegenie use the current electoral roll and you can pay £3.50 for a day’s access to their site. It might have been something like that?

Or it could be, like you said earlier, your sister did a bit of snooping.

[Gill635]

If you’re sure you don’t want to patch things up, why not just mark it as not known at this address and pop it back in the post?

[Colette-S]

It seems that you don’t want a relationship with your Mum but what about your girls? Just because you think she is a rubbish mum doesn’t mean she will be a rubbish grandma. My husband had a difficult relationship with his parents but I never stopped them seeing our kids. We used to drop them outside and collect them the same way. Despite them being difficult people they were good grandparents and it would not have been fair to deprive the kids of that relationship
Unless you think the kids were in danger or really don’t want to see her themselves why don’t you consider that option?

[Joshie1]

Given than none of us know the history between the OP and her mother and the fact she is clearly upset that her mother now has her address, I don’t think advice to patch thing up between them, however well intentioned, is really what she needs at the moment.

[DisneyDaffodil]

I don’t know all the facts op, and you may have excellent reasons to avoid contact and if so then ignore my next bit. The fact that she cared enough to find out your address, contact your daughter and send you a letter suggests to me that she would like to build bridges. It may be worth listening to her to see if you can build a relationship, I know I would hate to lose touch with my children and do anything to put it right if it did happen.

[littlelish0544]

My mother died two years ago this coming april, we hadnt spoken for 7 years and lived 2 streets apart. She never made any moves at all to ooen the lines of communication, and shunned the couple of opportunities that came her way from me. To be fair, i never went to her with please lets make up, but it was things such as the time i had to pick up my dgs from her at my dds, to take him to my house (two streets away from her house remember) she had to get a bus home. It was bitterly cold with wind and rain too. I asked her if she would like a lift home. She shook her head, i said are you sure, its really cold and wet. She continued to leave the house, i asked one more time now she was outside, are you sure i cant give you a lift. She said very firmly no and slammed the gate shut. I said ok, if your sure then... and drove past her stood at the bus stop, my dgs waving at her. I found out after she had said she didnt want a lift as she was afraid i might do something... er... what? Driving my dgs ? She couldve sat in the back and talked to him. I understand if she felt awkward and out on the spot, but if she wanted to build a bridge, she couldve dropped a note in saying that, and something like maybe next time or something to open the communication but she didnt. It used to bother me that i lived so close, i guess the same way op feels about her mum knowing her address. Take the opportunity if you want to try and mend the past, if not, send it back with a polite note saying please do not contact me again. Either way its dealt with. I never stopped my kids seeing her, but they were old enough to go by themselves. Op dont get wound up about it. Your home is your castle and only the folk you want over the moat matter x

[katiec68]

Originally Posted by DisneyDaffodil

I don’t know all the facts op, and you may have excellent reasons to avoid contact and if so then ignore my next bit. The fact that she cared enough to find out your address, contact your daughter and send you a letter suggests to me that she would like to build bridges. It may be worth listening to her to see if you can build a relationship, I know I would hate to lose touch with my children and do anything to put it right if it did happen.

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Given the OP is clearly very upset may I suggest that this is a way of her mother controlling and manipulating her rather than "let's build bridges".

Op

Return the letter saying "not known here"
Xxxxx

[Floridarules]

Originally Posted by Joshie1

Given than none of us know the history between the OP and her mother and the fact she is clearly upset that her mother now has her address, I don’t think advice to patch thing up between them, however well intentioned, is really what she needs at the moment.

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I agree

[greekgranny]

We needed an address for a Christmas card, went to the library and searched the relevant electoral roll for free.
As stated above send any post "not known at this address"

[Joshie1]

Originally Posted by megaflyer

I agree but disagree

Patching things up is exactly what is needed - how would she feel if her mother died ? Sorry to be blunt but your “pussyfooted” comment however well intended really might not be the best advice !

I am now an orphan - fact

I had a great relationship with my (adopted) parents - fact

It wasn’t always rainbows and roses but bloody hard work at times - maybe cos I am gay - fact

My Parents died knowing I loved them and they love me - fact

You can’t replace the bond from prenatal love (even marriage and children aren’t the same )

Please don’t regret anything - please

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My comment wasn’t pussyfooted as you put it.
Delighted for you that you had a wonderful relationship with your parents - lots of people do but there are many people who don’t.

You are presupposing parental love and I simply said that we don’t know the type of relationship that exists between the OP and her mother and in the absence of that, advice to patch it up, or suggestions that she may regret not doing so, are not helpful.