Loosing a parent is so hard

[WhereIBelong]

My mum died on New Year's day this year. We (600miles away) were given 2 weeks from the date of her death to completely empty her council house (of 40 years worth of life) and get it to "as new" status for the next tenant.

That was a bit of a shock. Though I guess we did "move on" rather quickly.

[mrsnicola]

Hi
I’m struggling to with losing my dad he died suddenly at the end of August last year but I feel I can’t let myself think about him it sounds stupid but I think I’m trying to block it out.. I’m an only child and again I had to clear his council house as soon as the funeral was over so I think I went into auto pilot. However my mum is at end stage lung/brain cancer she is only 64 😢 she has been fighting for a year so maybe I’m concentrating more on her. She’s in a nursing home and is immobile so needs 24 care. It’s heartbreaking 😥😥

[disney332]

Originally Posted by THE WIZARD

It does not get any easier it just gets easier to handle. It is still such early days for you. You can not yet see the tunnel let alone the light at the end of it, but it is there I promise you. We all grieve in our own way, there is no time schedule but the first year really is the very worse - this time last week, this time last month, etc etc... the first birthday, the first Christmas ...
Your dear dad will never ever be far away from you all the time you can think of him or talk of him.
Where ever you go what ever you do you will for the rest of your life carry him with you in your heart.
Think of what your dad would be saying as regards your selling his house, would he really want you to be hanging on to it - no of course he wouldn't, he would be glad you have done so well as to get rid of having the upkeep of it wouldn't he?
Talk of him & talk too him & think how he would be answering you & smile when you hear his voice in your head. Tears are the price we pay for the great love we feel for a lost one & what a cheap price it is for what we have received over the years.

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Nothing to add, this says it all.

Disney332

[HappyPanda]

My Dad passed away in January and I'm finding it so tough. Like you, we used to speak almost every day and i feel so lost without him.

[Saratoska]

I lost my lovely mum in September and if I’m honest the longer time goes on for me, it’s seems to be getting harder not easier

Feel it’s ages since I had her in my life

I had to sign her court papers re her Will and found signing them so upsetting , like you said it was just one more ‘final’ 😢

I’m dreading Mother’s Day 😢

[megaflyer]

It’s coming up for a year for me (and just passed 15 since Mummy passed ) - it has and is the hardest year of my life and dealing with His estate (even through a solicitor) just so painful . Have to clear the family home soon and every day is harder than the day before - all I can offer you is hugs - you are not alone x

[parisdisneyfan]

Originally Posted by Sas

Good evening all
Sorry it's a sad post. I lost my darling dad in June. We were so close I saw him nearly every day. I love and miss him everyday its been so hard. Today I have accepted an offer on his house and it has really upskittled me. I feel like I am loosing more of him.
Please tell me it gets easier, my dh doesn't really understand why I am so upset. It's all so final and lots of things from my childhood will be lost as I can't keep everything.x

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Sending you big hugs. Everyone is so different, and deals with loss in different ways. I lost mum just over 20 years ago while our children were small, they kept me going. I have just had dad's 8th anniversary and really felt it as we are now in a new house that I haven't been able to share with them.

When we sold his house it was over a year after he died and I hadn't been there for nearly 10 months when we had sorted it for sale(it was near Edinburgh and we were on the south coast!) I actually felt quite confused - glad it was gone but as it had been the house I grew up in, very sad. What I didn't expect was how I felt about the money he left me. I found it very hard to use, thinking this is what their lives came down to. We actually only used it about 18 months ago paying off the mortgage so we could buy our dream house.

I hope you can find some bits that you can keep or take photos and video of things/house. Not necessarily to brood over but just so you know you have it, if you know what I mean I hope too that you are ok if the buyers get difficult. House buyers are out for what they can get and don't think about the sad reasons for sale.

If your dh still has his parents then he won't understand, my dh didn't. He was good when they died and up to the funeral but then it was just, OK now life is back to normal, when it wasn't for me. Like you I spoke to Dad at least once a day and that left a big gap. However I think he now understands having lost his own dad. I in some ways was lucky as they were both ill for a few months and were not going to get better and I was with them both when they died. Dh just got a phonecall out of the blue and hadn't seen his Dad for a few months (different relationship with his parents to me and mine) It is nearly 2 1/2 years for him now and I still don't think he has come to terms with it

Good luck with it all, it is a horrible time but things get easier to deal with but you will always miss them and as others have said even 20+ years later I still miss mum and shed some tears and hate mothers/fathers day xxxx

[BucksBugsy]

I guess we all deal with the loss of someone close to us differently and there is no right or wrong way.

My mum passed away in 2000 and I still miss her but her memory lives on with us.

She lived to see my eldest daughter walk but she never got to see her first grandson born that would carry the family name on.

Selling the family home isn't easy - but it is another step in the process of moving on (I hope that doesnt sound yoo harsh)

[cybermum]

I understand. I lost my Dad when he was 61 from bowel cancer, it will be five years next month. I don't think it gets easier but it becomes a new normal, that's the best way I can describe it, you tend to see it as then and now.
I still have days where something will pop in my head and in tears , wishing I could hug him.
I do feel he is near though, take each day at a time. Sending you lots of strength.

[Trouble3]

I haven't lost my Dad yet physically, but I lost him mentally more than 2 years ago now.

My Dad had a stroke and now lives in a nursing home. Although he still knows me and I visit every week, I've lost who we were to each other; I feel like I've become his parent, catching his dribbles and making sure the carers have done his teeth etc.

My Dad was my rock and I was a complete Daddy's Girl. Talked to him most days on the phone. Bounced ideas off each other (both of us single and lived alone). I miss him so much.

The worse for me was having to sell the family home to fund his care, the home that had been in the family for 3 generations. Gut wrenching to throw out so much history... and then have to keep telling him, as he can't hold onto memories well anymore.