The Three Amigo's Go West. Episode 1.

[Guest]

Wednesday 23rd July 2008.

Hoping and assuming that you have got over the shock of seeing my extremely muscular but somewhat pale legs featured in my Preamble, I will continue on to Episode 1, assuring you that no such pictures will appear of my legs again... certainly not so close up anyway.

As is our way prior to Atlantic flights, we booked a Hotel/Car Parking package and from reviews on Trip Advisor, settled on the Premier Inn, pretty much adjacent to the runway at Heathrow. Heck ! It must be good because according to the TV Ad, Lenny Henry stayed there ?

We were actually away for 17 days so having "deposited" our 4 legged house guest at her "holiday home", along with hundreds of other "house guests", we headed South for an easy afternoon drive to Heathrow.

Fueled with the prospect of not being fed for several days, our house guest decided to play it safe and take a bread roll with her, plus the hope that she might be able to trade it with the "guards" or a fellow inmate for something a bit nicer ! You can tell by the way that she is holding up her ears..She was thrilled with the idea ?



And indeed it was a great drive, just before the rushhour, so although disappointed that Lenny had checked out, we booked in with the Premier Inn merely a couple of hours from leaving home. The rooms and facilities are fantastic by the way, especially if you get a "runway" view. The "looking at a half dead tree view", which we had, wasn't quite so appealing but what the heck..we're on holiday.

As always, to start the holiday in style, I splashed out with a trip to McDonalds, which in fairness was a half hearted McDonalds...NO..It wasn't even that...shall we just say it was at a bowling alley and it appeared that the Burgers had been used as Pins prior to us having them served up...kinda flat and knocked around a bit. (It wasn't until the blinkin morning that we saw the "proper" McDonalds, a further 200 yards up the road...? ) Boy was I popular the next day ?

The Premier Inn gave us a great nights sleep, beds were amazing, and the breakfast buffet even better, not least the fact that Tarryn ate for free. First place I've ever stayed in where the French Chef walked the tables during breakfast, asking diners if they were happy with the foods and literally asking if he could cook up anything special for guests. After a quick pack up, we jumped back in to the car for the long drive to the long stay carpark, arranged by the Premier Inn, it was literally RIGHT NEXT DOOR. Quick bit of paper work and the free mini'bus whisked us straight down to Terminal 1 for check in, which also, surprisingly, was very quick.

Airports, for my family and myself are great places, we don't mind arriving hours early for flights, so although our flight was for 13.05, by 10.30 we were sat, waiting, watching the world go by...well that and me being engrossed in my PSP (yes I know I'm 45), Lucille reading her womans mags while Tarryn just "watched for talent", whatever that means. Whether she thought contestants for the X Factor were auditioning at Heathrow that day..I really don't know. (At 12 she appears to be VERY patient because she was "looking out for talent" throughout the entire 17 days to be honest.)

I was going to tell the little story about Lucille's trip to Boots while we were in the departure lounge but although I have no desire for any more children at my age, certain things need to be in place for other reasons...so sadly dear reader I can not ? (Although in fairness, in the above sentence there is a clue, a connection if you like, as to why the urgent, desparate trip in to Boots was required but again for self preservation reasons, I can go no further regarding that matter other than to say that Boots were a "life saver")

Anyway..Eventually we made it through to the gate and was JUST able to get this snap of the plane, not an exciting one I know and the guy with the paper kept looking at me as if I was the Inland Revenue coming to arrest him before he escaped to Denver. As we boarded on the right and there is an open door on the left, I assumed it was for those passengers who boarded, didn't like it and walked straight through and went to Florida with TCD instead...little did they know ?



Now..United Airlines was an eye opener. I've flown with several carriers in my time but was surprised as to how much legroom we all had back in Cattle Class AND we had seat back entertainment systems
to keep us amused. The flying time was advertised to be about 10 hours but the skipper came on, as they do, to tell us that the flight time would be 9 hours, 10 mins, so I'm assuming he must have slipped some Slick50 oil additive and Redex in to the system somewhere !Heck..works in my aged Vauxhall Omega so I'm pretty darn sure it would work in a jet engine.

After several hours of good enterainment and good food we approached DIA (Denver Intl Airport) and with my planning head on, realised that we'd "missed" the airport. Not me personally you understand, I knew where it was, Google Maps told me where it was but apparently it seemed the Skipper DIDN'T know where it was. As we dropped lower in the sky I knew where the airport was, in relation to Denver the city which was now below us. We were way off, the airport kinda behind us to the right. JUST as I was about to unbuckle my seat belt to pop up to the cabin to inform the cockpit, yelling through the hijack proof door, that they'd missed the airport, he dropped the right wing at over 200mph and instantly we thought we were in an Air Show. I've never seen, let alone been in a commercial aircraft thats banked round so sharply, it was amazing, literally feeling G forces in parts of my body that even a car ride with Lucille at the wheel would find it hard to duplicate...and thats saying something.! Not only that but the moment he came out of the "dive" he was on the runway. I have concluded that he was an ex- jet fighter pilot and couldn't get over the fact that he doesn't land on sea going aircraft carriers anymore. Tarryn and I loved it, Lucille not so and I'm still waiting for the bill to replace the arm rests she destroyed.

After a jolly jaunt through Customs and Immigration during which time the Immigration Officer gave me advice about using my PSP "wirelessly" in the USA believe it or not we staggered out in to the heat only to find the Car Hire bus waiting right outside.

Gee... What a day..EVERYTHING has gone so well and now we're on our way to collect our car from "Advantage" Car Hire...Yippee.

Now the clue here dear reader is in the word "Advantage"..
Ermmmm NO ! What happens when you put "dis" in front of it.

Yep ! You guessed it. Anyone hiring through "Advantage" has a complete "DisAdvantage"...they are soddin' useless. They were SO slow. I kid you not, they even had a member of staff serving up free Hotdogs and luke warm soda's, initially to a queue of 5 people and then once we arrived, 10 more. It was a nightmare..every aspect took an age, par for the course an American chap in the queue told me..."but they're cheap". Anyway..after nearly an hour, I got to the front of the queue, gave the 14 year old behind the counter my voucher and started to negociate. Initially he was going to offer me a Japanese car. Now I haven't got anything against Japanese cars BUT I wasn't in Japan. If I'm in America, I want an American car...although in fairness if I was sitting in Disadvantage Car Hire in Tokyo I would have wanted an American car...but thats not the point.

After negociating a "final offer", downwards to the 6th "final offer", I finally settled on a Dodge Magnum which, to me looked fantastic, to Lucille looked ugly and to Tarryn "looks cool at the back with darkened windows". I assume our young watcher liked it because she could look for passing talent in secret ?

OOPS ! I forgot to mention the most important member of our party.

As soon as we headed out from "DisAdvantage" this important member was sitting in her cradle, slapped on the windscreen and yelling out instructions to get us to the front door of our nights stay in Cheyenne, 120 miles away. Laurie, our Tom Tom guide was, as she always has been, worth her weight in gold. Also...as she herself is American, she seemed to be chirping away a lot happy than normal.

After checking in at The Oak Tree Inn (Checkin was IN a diner by the way) we slung the luggage on to the beds and headed over the road for a quick bite...I for the first and last time on this trip, ordering and just about eating, a Buffalo Burger. Fortunately Tarryn was too tired to realise that it WAS actually made from "one of those big cute fluffy cow type" animals so I got away with it without tears. (This didn't last as you'll read later).

If you are still awake, reading through our first VERY long day, you'll be pleased to know that we retired back to our room and after a brief bit of TV watching, to remind ourselves that we we're actually in Cheyenne, Wyoming, we all fell off to sleep, looking forward to the adventures ahead. I'll close the first day with a picture of the car, just before she too fell asleep outside the Motel Room (Inn by name, Motel by nature trust me).


Im so sorry the first day was such a long read, others will be shorter I promise.

[sue.o]

A great start! looking forward to reading more!

[Fairy+4]

What a brilliant start, looking forward to the rest.

[Guest]

Thank you..I'll get on to it right away.

[KarenG]

Great start - very funny!

[DIBBadmin]

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