mother in law wants to make amendments to her will

[judy22]

I would leave well alone. If she changes her will so be it. Your husband can always gift some of his share after her death if he feels very strongly about it. I haven’t read all posts but I would be trying to get brother in law and grandson involved in her life again before it’s too late. Maybe they are struggling with their loss and need to be encouraged to be apart of his late wife’s family.

[DisneyDaffodil]

Honestly, you are fretting over something that is neither yours or your husband’s business. Your mil can do whatever she wishes, and as I said earlier in my own experience even if you don’t think she is right there is nothing you can do about it, providing she is of sound mind. She seems as if she has put a lot of thought in this, you should respect her wishes to put her affairs in order so she feels comfortable in her old age. I know my aunt was contented when she changed her will, and pleased to know that she was leaving her money to the people who cared for her and who she loved the most.

As for taking her, I understand she is frail but could you just take her and pick her up later? Definitely you or your DH shouldn’t go in with her. If anything is said after her death, you should be able to honestly reply that you were not involved in her decisions at all. Plus, in your mil’s case, she is still intending to leave her nephew some money I believe so it isn’t as if she is leaving him out completely, just giving him what she thinks he deserves

[I love walmart]

Are you worried that people will blame you if the will is changed? Does the nephew know the current will? I think you are being very fair and kind by trying to put her off. But at the end of the day it’s her money and her decision. She is asking you and your husband for practical help, I really think you should help her. I would advise her to contact her original solicitor and make an appointment to amend her will. If you need to physically take her as she can’t go independently then do it. However I would not go in the office with her, I would go have a coffee and leave her to it. That way you won’t be seen as influencing her.
You and your husband refusing to help or putting her off could result in one of those will writing services going to her house. Obviously I can’t speak for all of them but our local company is shocking. Absolute Charlatans!

[tonigary]

Thanks for all your replies

TOni

[daisymae]

I’m presuming you don’t live in Scotland as parents cannot disinherit their children and therefore any children of their children unless it is immoveable property. If your mil is so set in changing her will perhaps a solicitor could come to the house whilst your not there, as she is not fit or is there a good, trusted neighbour or friend who could take her? My dad’s last words were to the effect that my brother and sister were to get nothing (long story) but unfortunately they are protected by the law and entitled to an equal share of his and mum’s money. It’s a very difficult position to be in and perhaps your dh could try to get her to change her mind but I would definitely deal with a solicitor and not a will writer to ensure everything is above board.

[tonigary]

We all know her current will, even the grandchildren, my MIL and FIL where very open.

But over the years, even before my sil and fil died, things had changed, and they have showed there true colours. And my mil hates it.
I suppose I am a person who doesnt like conflict, and just want a quiet life, lol

Toni

[duchy]

You aren't unbiased.
We have a sort of similar situation with my MILs grandson .
It's not my business. If she wanted to change her will we'd make her an appointment and take her as she's ninety two but it's her decision, what we think isn't relevant. Mine even more so than my husband's as I'm not "blood". All we can do is let her know if she wants to make changes she needs a decent solicitor. Her money, her choice... even if she wants to give it all to the cat's home !
If you really want a quiet life , try and stay out of it , changing wills rarely leads to a quiet life !

[Cyclospora]

A member of my family did this and changed his will to remove 2 beneficiaries. He also was advised to write his reasoning for the change in his own words. This document has been stored with his will and is only to be used if there is a contest. We had to leave the room when the changes were made too- although he had wanted us there because his spelling is not good!

[Blue nose]

I agree with many others that you need to keep out if it.

Next time she raises the subject with you or DH just say "it's you're money, you're choice but we don't think you should change and dont want to be involved'

Due to her age if she needs a lift to an appointment I'd take her, as I would to any other appointment.

Her local solicitor is the best bet.

I'd also not let things drag on just because you don't agree with it. Things can change quickly in anyone's circumstances.

As PP said you'd DH could make a gift afterwards.

[duchy]

My aunt died without making a will with a fairly substantial estate.
Her remaining siblings were either childless or had passed with the exception of my Dad. Obviously the siblings who survived her inherited and the children of those who didn't. One of my aunts felt very strongly my brother and I should have inherited too . My response was I'd rather have my Dad around still she "corrected the situation" by leaving a larger portion of her estate to me and my brother and my Dad also gifted us both a lump sum from his portion of the inheritance. Frankly nice as the money was, we had no expectations anyway.
If your husband doesn't feel his inheritance is "fair" there's nothing to stop him gifting anyone he felt "lost out" if he inherits.