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Old 26 Aug 20, 09:43 AM  
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thumperrabbit
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Adult Children returning home

I have 4 adult children. (ages 22 to 28).

Bizarrely in the last week 3 have announced they would like to move back home. The question is how much dig money should we charge them?

Daughter 1 is a dentist in Edinburgh, she has just split up with Swedish boyfriend of 4 years and wants to give up her flat and move home to save for a house deposit.

Daughter 2 lives in Loughborough and works for a water management company situated near the university. Like the rest of us they have been home working since March and she has been given permission to work permanently from home. Her boyfriend live in Edinburgh and is currently looking to buy a flat for both of them to move into.

Son has just completed a degree at Aberdeen uni and has been accepted for a Masters degree at Strathclyde uni. He has qualified for a bursary and gets saas so we will not have to contribute for his course but wants to live at home.

I was made redundant last week and hubby has semi retired so we currently do not have an income. We do not want to make money from our kids coming home but we feel that we should also not be out of pocket so I am asking for opinions on what to charge.

Thoughts?
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Old 26 Aug 20, 09:57 AM  
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Love*my*hols
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My first question is do you want them all to move back in and secondly do they know they are all moving back ?
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Old 26 Aug 20, 10:00 AM  
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I've said to mine I would charge a % of income if they come back. So it matters not what they actually earn its 'fair'. I'm guessing 20% as ds3 suggested that, which enables saving for deposit to happen. I've heard some parents have charged more, but saved much of it and given a lump sum back when they moved out.
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Old 26 Aug 20, 10:07 AM  
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OP. We all love our Children and will do whatever it takes to make their life better. However we also have to think of ourselves as Parents.

I suppose the question is do you want them all back?

If the answer is yes and with that number returning there will have to be clear ground rules about who does what and the financial contribution to be made.

I would want all food and electricity costs covered that they use. I wouldn't want to make a profit off them but I also wouldn't expect to be out of pocket.

It's not easy either. Our Son moved out for 7 years and came back when he transferred his job back to my area. I must admit it wasn't easy!

We as Parents realised our lives had changed and we had become selfish I suppose doing what we wanted when we wanted and that didn't include a 3rd person
Ok we adapted and he was always welcome but it needed changes on both sides.
Best of luck.
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Old 26 Aug 20, 10:08 AM  
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Originally Posted by caj View Post
I've said to mine I would charge a % of income if they come back. So it matters not what they actually earn its 'fair'. I'm guessing 20% as ds3 suggested that, which enables saving for deposit to happen. I've heard some parents have charged more, but saved much of it and given a lump sum back when they moved out.
Agree completely, charge them a %, then it's fair and irrelevant what they're earning.
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Old 26 Aug 20, 10:44 AM  
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We have had older children come back home and we thought it wouldn't cost much more but it did,as others have said a fair % of their income might be best,
but dont under estimate how much more it may add to your bills,5 people showering,cooking at different times,hair dryers straightners etc will all push your bills up,the wear and tear on your equipment can shorten their life span ie using kettle to make a drink for 2 people against 5 people making drinks at various times.
also your food bill who is buying the food and maybe bigger question is,will it be you who is expected to cook it?
You have mentioned you are on a reduced income and it can feel as though you are taking advantage of your children but if your washing machine breaks down because of extra use,who is going to cover the cost?
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Old 26 Aug 20, 10:46 AM  
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Goodness I could have written this thread myself! My eldest son and his girlfriend moved into a rented flat in April, couldn’t wait to be independent and have their own space. He is 21 and she is 18. He has worked and lived overseas so was used to being away from home. Anyway, few months later, they are feeling the pinch financially and announced they are moving back in next March, so they can save up for a house.

Its going to cause chaos. We have enough bedrooms, but my youngest took over the second biggest which has a bathroom, and doesnt want to give it up again, also, I have got quite used to not having lots of us in the house, making food constantly and towels everywhere, and also not having to fight for a space in the lounge to watch my own TV.

As for the money, he is suggesting £200 a month for both of them, which I think is quite an ask, his argument being the more they can save the quicker they can move out again into a house. He is not daft is he!
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Old 26 Aug 20, 10:46 AM  
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Originally Posted by caj View Post
I've said to mine I would charge a % of income if they come back. So it matters not what they actually earn its 'fair'. I'm guessing 20% as ds3 suggested that, which enables saving for deposit to happen. I've heard some parents have charged more, but saved much of it and given a lump sum back when they moved out.
Really a percentage of income of about 20%?

One of them is a dentist for 20% of her income she could live in a 5* hotel for the whole year. It could easily end up being £15k+ a year

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Old 26 Aug 20, 10:46 AM  
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We take 20% of our 21 year old twins and they have no problem with this. Both of them are good savers and they have no intention of moving out.
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Old 26 Aug 20, 10:51 AM  
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I'd personally take nothing from them for living at home. I would as others have suggested not want to be out of pocket though so I'd look at the bills for the last year and come up with a "what it costs when there is just us here" and then get them to pay the bit on top; same with the supermarket shop.

I don't beleive you should charge your kids rent, I would want them to live elsewhere if we were charging rent as once you charge rent it's a transaction and they have "rights" as to how messy they live etc. whereas whilst they are just guests it's still your rules
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