So I told my girlfriend

[cartoonp]

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How in hell does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry? The old man answers, Is name of owner.” The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?” “Me…is right here,” replies the old man. “You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?” “Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, What your name? He say, Hans Olaffsen. Then she look at me and go, Wh at your name? I say Sem Ting.”

[cartoonp]

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw

Because he's just...

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?
*
*
OK!
Here it is!
*
*
*
*
A COMMONTATER

[cartoonp]

M c hammer ,challenged jimmy nail to a boxing match.. it was all over in the first round. Wen hammer hit nail on the head..

[Mr Tom Morrow]

I used to box and during my boxing career, I was the 2nd best boxer in the Country.

I fought in over 100 fights, and came 2nd every single time.


Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery:

• Oops!
• Has anyone seen my watch?
• That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.
• Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
• Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?
• Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
• Damn, there go the lights again…
• Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

[cartoonp]

Were you in Paris on your vacation? “I don’t know, my wife got the tickets.”

[cartoonp]

Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave.
The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table!
The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again.
The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!

[Mr Tom Morrow]

Davy Crockett had three ears, a left ear, a right ear and a wild frontier.

[welovemushu]

Originally Posted by Mr Tom Morrow

Davy Crockett had three ears, a left ear, a right ear and a wild frontier.

See more...

So did Mr Spock
Left ear, right ear and final frontier

[cartoonp]

Dad asks his son what do want for your 16th birthday...
son replies .. I want a tractor dad.
Dad says “ son we’re not able to afford one of those, don’t you want a Xbox or something “?
Following year.. Dad asks his son..
What would you like for your 17th birthday?.
Son replies I’d like a tractor dad..
Dad tells his son . We can’t afford one of those. Don’t you want a car or bike. ?
Following year
Knowing it’s his son’s 18th birthday
Dad finally has enough money for a tractor...
Dad tells his son .
“Son I’ve finally got enough money for the tractor that you always wanted, what model do you want.
Son replies “ dad I’m not into tractors anymore “ but I’d like us to go to the pub.

So the pair go off to the dads local ...
As the pair open the door.. they notice that the pub is full of smoke (back in the day when you could smoke in pubs!).
The son with one big breath sucks up all the smoke and blows it outside...

The landlord looks up and says “who the hell is that “
In which the dad replies, that’s my son “he’s an ex-tractor fan...

[Mr Tom Morrow]

Somebody drove past me on a tractor yelling "the end of the world is nigh!"

I think it was Farmer Geddon