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Unread 26 Jan 20, 12:34 AM  
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boo2
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Mobile Mum, dementia, carehome and power of attorney

Ive been thinking about posting for many weeks but everything came to a head again today. Im so upset, drained,angry and frustrated all at the same time. I just can believe that a so called relative can be so evil and controlling😡.
So a bit of the back story... I need to apologise because its really long!
My Mum is very secretive and spent a lot of her life keeping different secrets from different family members but in 2017 I finally convinced her to go the GP and go on the waiting list for the memory clinic. I knew she had dementia but she was very much in denial. My aunt (mums sister) is a spinster and very controlling and a complete busy body who likes to know everything. She really frustrates everyone but because I work full time she took mum to the appointment. ( first big mistake on my part!) At this point Mum was still able to do everything for herself but things that were not routine were becoming more confusing. Mum started getting upset by scam phone calls, one in particular really upset her so I bought a call guardian phone for her. This is when the trouble with my aunt started she went absolutely nuts about me installing it,apparently I wouldnt have done it without informing her blah blah blah! At this point mum still has capacity but the whole situation was turned round to be all about my aunt, it was crazy, you couldnt even make it up! The aunt started hounding me to find out everything and anything I did or said to Mum to the extend I couldnt handle the continuous phone calls at all hours and told her to leave me alone eventually having to block her number after she told my daughter she thought I had a personality disorder and I was crazy!
The contact from my aunt stopped which was a great relief but as mums memory deteriorated it became more difficult to piece together what was happening.
Fast forward to August 2019 and I got a phone call from local council carers to say mum wasnt at home should they be worried?! I had no idea my Mum had a care package which had apparently started 3 days prior. Apparently my aunt now has Power of attorney (both welfare and financial) and has arranged the care package i
because she told the council she had been caring for my mum for 2 years and was exhausted😡. Mum was still cooking for herself and cooking meals for friends coming round, doing her own washing and ironing, cutting her grass, gardening and going for walks! She possibly needed a prompt to take medicine but that was all! 10 days later my mum became very unwell and needed surgery. The crazy aunt tells the consultant that Mum cant go home she cant manage and my aunt cant do it anymore. Mum was extremely confused having been seriously ill and being moved round several wards in a couple of day. The aunt lists herself as next of kin😡
Mum has not helped herself by making a friend, her account ( who also works for my aunt) and my aunt power of attorney. My brother is also power of attorney but wasnt invited to the hospital meeting where it was decided my Mum would go to a carehome😡. It had been her one wish not to go to a carehome.

The crazy aunt told the hospital that I was estranged from the family and then listed me in the carehome information as other they were not aware mum had a daughter, 3 grandchildren and 3 great grandchildren😤😡. We also had to get permission from her to visit, this only got granted because by this stage I had formally complained about her behaviour to social work department
Social work have been a nightmare, I have no rights because the power of attorney has all the rights. My brother is also welfare power of attorney and has not been kept informed, social work say its not their responsibility to make sure he is being kept informed😡.
The crazy aunt tried to keep mum confined to the carehome on Christmas Day, she didnt want me to take mum out. Mum has been at my house on Christmas Day for the last 21 years! My brother had to give me permission to take my mum out.
The house now needs sold, Im not allowed to go round it without the account or the wicked aunt being present despite them saying they have taken anything of value out of the house already.
Im so emotional, the women is being completely controlling, nasty and so wicked! I know all this is not what my mum would have wanted, it makes me so sad 😞
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Unread 26 Jan 20, 12:50 AM  
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DizzyDisneyMum
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I'm so sorry, this is all so sad!
I have no experience or words of wisdom, I'm sure there will be someone along with more knowledge of this type of thing.
I think that I would be contacting a solicitor as a matter of urgency though.
Sending all my best wishes x
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Unread 26 Jan 20, 01:06 AM  
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Sorry to hear all this, it must be very stressful. You need to see a solicitor with POA experience ASAP and look into trying to get it changed as next of kin.
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Unread 26 Jan 20, 01:22 AM  
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So sorry to hear this. It really is one for a solicitor asap though, with specialist knowledge of POA. One thing you could ask your brother, as he has POA too, is if they can act separately or does everyone named as attorney have to agree? This could mean that your aunt could be stopped by your brother from making decisions solely for your mum in the short term at least. But please see a solicitor
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Unread 26 Jan 20, 06:34 AM  
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I'm so sorry to hear this but I agree with the other posters you need to take some legal advice.
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Unread 26 Jan 20, 06:54 AM  
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Ive spoken to citizens advice already, they were pretty useless but confirmed That my brother and I are next of kin Ive already complained to the office of the public guardian. The accountant that is the second financial POA works for my aunt as well! He tried to make me withdraw the complaint against them. He is completely on my aunts team and isnt at all thinking about what Mum would want in all this, which is what the whole point of POA . Ive read though the guidance for someone who lacks capacity (adults with incapacity act Scotland) and they have totally disregarded all of it just taking the path that is easiest for my evil aunt. Social work department is trying to blame the community psychiatric nurses saying she did all the assessments so social work arent to blame😡 The Social worker in charge of Mums case said she had only met my mum once or twice and went by information that CPN gave her😡. Social worker is saying she didnt realise Mum had other family even although Mum is perfectly able to be asked and give clear answers about that.
Im contacting a solicitor on Monday, Ive got hardly any rights as her daughter and because the witch aunt has both welfare and financial POA she is calling all the shots, its absolutely disgraceful.

Edited at 06:57 AM.
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Unread 26 Jan 20, 07:08 AM  
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Originally Posted by boo2 View Post
Ive spoken to citizens advice already, they were pretty useless but confirmed That my brother and I are next of kin Ive already complained to the office of the public guardian. The accountant that is the second financial POA works for my aunt as well! He tried to make me withdraw the complaint against them. He is completely on my aunts team and isnt at all thinking about what Mum would want in all this, which is what the whole point of POA . Ive read though the guidance for someone who lacks capacity (adults with incapacity act Scotland) and they have totally disregarded all of it just taking the path that is easiest for my evil aunt. Social work department is trying to blame the community psychiatric nurses saying she did all the assessments so social work arent to blame😡 The Social worker in charge of Mums case said she had only met my mum once or twice and went by information that CPN gave her😡. Social worker is saying she didnt realise Mum had other family even although Mum is perfectly able to be asked and give clear answers about that.
Im contacting a solicitor on Monday, Ive got hardly any rights as her daughter and because the witch aunt has both welfare and financial POA she is calling all the shots, its absolutely disgraceful.
You're doing the right thing in taking legal advice and I hope you can get the help you need to sort things out.
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Unread 26 Jan 20, 08:41 AM  
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Absolutely need to get legal advice as soon as possible. Are you in a union as they often have free legal advice as a starting point. Or your house insurance?

CAB wong be specialised enough for this.

Sadly my experience of social workers is not good and whilst all disciplines are supposed to meet and discuss cases this doesn't always happen.
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