How late should a 14 year old stay out until?

[Queen_Elsa]

Originally Posted by pad406

Wow we must be the cruelest parents

DS (14) is in bed well before 10pm on a school night, no way he'd be going out anywhere unless a family thing.

Weekend he can be out, but to specific places, not just hanging around. 10pm if friends houses, 9pm otherwise. Exceptions would be things like cinema, birthdays etc.

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That's kind of how I'm feeling at the moment!
It's the school night thing I'm feeling bad about, but she dropped behind her targets at the end of last year. I've said if she demonstrates through her homework and school work that she's improving then I'll re-assess. She just thinks it's a punishment and she'll lose friends.

[loves2plan]

I like mine to be in before it's dark if they're just hanging about with friends outside, but happy for them to be at a friend's house. However, we also have a 10pm bedtime on a school night, so there's no way they'd be out that late either. Mine are 15, and nearly 17. The 10pm school night bedtime is until they have finished year 11, then they can decide themselves once they start college, which our daughter did yesterday.

[Smilesonfaces]

I think that we are out of touch (daughter tells me us we are anyway !) Daughter is 13, will not be 14 until March. Bed for 9, asleep for 9.30 in the week. She goes to athletics club 3 times a week and hasn't asked about going out in the week (yet). 9.30 asleep for 10 at the weekend although I am not too strict about Friday/Saturday night. Her best friends are twins and only live round the corner and she only really goes there. If they go out it is to somewhere organised where there is a lift.
She goes shopping at the weekend with her friends but this does worry me since I had a rare Saturday trip in to town recently and saw the number of homeless begging which completely shocked me.

I do think things will get worse as she is quite headstrong !

[Nimbus]

Originally Posted by Queen_Elsa

Hi all,
Looking for your opinions.. DD is wanting to stay out later with her friends, she says some of them are allowed until 10pm. This seems pretty late to me, or am I out of touch?

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DD is 16 now, but when she was 14 I would've said 10pm was too late. I think we would've said 9pm at the latest. (Even now that she's 16 she tends to go to bed at 10pm - so she'll be home by 9 or 9:30pm).

However, it does depend on what the child is doing. Being out on the streets with friends is different to being out at a friend's party with adult supervision.

[klr15]

I think you need to go with your instinct on how late she stays out until, it’s personal choice between parents really. In regards to not letting her out on school nights, could you not just restrict the number of school nights she goes out? I used to go out every night after school all through the year and honestly wandering the streets and hanging around on parks with a chip barm a can of pop are some of my best memories, I’d give anything to go back to those days. I know people don’t always like teens hanging around, but not all teens will cause trouble, my group never did and if you trust your daughter is sensible then it should be okay.

[floridasgirl]

Dd14 luckily is busy every night with activities so hasnt got time to go out. Not that she ever wants to anyway! She didn't see many friends during the school holidays and never just went out hanging around the streets, it's just not her thing thank goodness!
I do think 10pm is late, I maybe might let them out during the week if they had done any school work. Would see be restricted though as these are important yrs!

[sophiepop]

Originally Posted by pad406

Wow we must be the cruelest parents

DS (14) is in bed well before 10pm on a school night, no way he'd be going out anywhere unless a family thing.

Weekend he can be out, but to specific places, not just hanging around. 10pm if friends houses, 9pm otherwise. Exceptions would be things like cinema, birthdays etc.

See more...

My Daughter is 17 and she goes upstairs at 10pm. No way on earth at 14 would she stay out till 10pm unless it was for a special reason.

[pad406]

Originally Posted by sophiepop

My Daughter is 17 and she goes upstairs at 10pm. No way on earth at 14 would she stay out till 10pm unless it was for a special reason.

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TBH our DD (almost 17) would rarely be let out on a school night till 10pm. She does not have a specific bed time set, but that is only because she has demonstrated that she'll go to bed if she's tired and has never not been able to get up or be 'groggy' for school in the morning. Rarely would she be up past 11pm.
DS, on the other hand, really needs his 8hrs to function at all, but thinks he doesn't

[Guest]

Originally Posted by loves2plan

I like mine to be in before it's dark if they're just hanging about with friends outside, but happy for them to be at a friend's house. However, we also have a 10pm bedtime on a school night, so there's no way they'd be out that late either. Mine are 15, and nearly 17. The 10pm school night bedtime is until they have finished year 11, then they can decide themselves once they start college, which our daughter did yesterday.

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Setting bed time for 15 and 17 year olds is unusual? The elder one could be serving in the army or married by now!

To OP question 10pm for a 14 year old during the week seems a bit late

[loves2plan]

Originally Posted by Claudette

Setting bed time for 15 and 17 year olds is unusual? The elder one could be serving in the army or married by now!

To OP question 10pm for a 14 year old during the week seems a bit late

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I don't think it's unusual to set bedtimes at all when children are still at school. When it's a school night, it think 10pm is reasonable - bearing in mind that's the time they go to bed, not necessarily the time they go to sleep as they may read for a while. At the weekends and in school holidays they decide for themselves, and my son (the 15 year old) regularly goes to bed at 1am or later as he's chatting and playing with friends online.

The nearly 17 year old doesn't have a set bedtime now. She's 16 and finished school in June, and had the 10pm bedtime until then. Now she sets her own bedtime, but it's rarely later than 11pm as she gets tired.

As for being in the army or married - God forbid! They might be able to to, but it doesn't mean that they should. She's still very young in many ways and has a lot of growing up still to do!