Wedding money

[Rac20]

Originally Posted by amy56

I’m wondering if different families provide for their children at different stages? My boys have both got money saved for future house purchases and we also bought their first cars - I admit that until this thread I hadn’t thought to save money for their weddings as well! 😱

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Possibly they do. I hadn’t thought about wedding but DS18 did get a considerable sum from us when he turned 18.

[KarenG]

I think the people that have said parents should provide what they can afford / want to have it right.

My mum had nothing so contributed nothing to our wedding and it wouldn’t have occurred to me to ask my dad to contribute to our modest registry office do. We went to the pub afterwards so had no costs for entertaining.

I have to say it hasn’t occurred to me to put money aside towards our daughters’ weddings.

[sam7]

I think now a days it is no longer expected for either parents to give/fund the wedding. DD is getting married next year and we are giving her a lump sum, we don't expect to have any say in anything to do with the wedding (not even sure I will get to pick my own mother of the bride outfit, lol). If DS ever gets married we will give him the same amount of money.
DD and DsiL to be did not expect to get anything from either parents. His parents payed towards their DD;s wedding dress and are giving my Dd the same money

[returnplanning]

Originally Posted by Daisy_Do_72

My daughter is getting married in 3 weeks.
Future Son in law’s parents gave £3k to his brothers so offered the same. I said I’ll match that and buy her dress…
I’m also helping with other stuff probably spending another£2.5k


I have had no say in anything … including the guest list.


It’s fair to say I’m not enjoying it and am looking forward to it being over… for many reasons..

Sad but true. Xx

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This sounds pretty tricky, but try to reframe it as you are giving money for them to have the wedding they want, not the wedding you want - just like giving them £100 as a gift and they might buy something important for the house or might buy £100 of booze. If it's a gift, you can't set conditions on it.

I wonder, when you got married did your parents pay towards it and expect a say in the guest list? If so, that might be why you are feeling bothered by it, you expected that the same thing would happen when one of your kids got married.

[Nomis]

When my sister got married my parents gave her a large amount I am it sue how much between £4k and £8k (20+ years ago) my dad told her it needed to include all their costs, I ended up laying for my dads suit hire and my parents hotel together over £700 ! I didn’t really think about it just I laid my own and his suit when I collected and I laid when I checked them out of the hotel. When I mentioned it years later my dad went ballistic. When we got married we did nit expect or need anything and I told my parents that they did years later when we were in a rough spot but us a sofa which was lovely.

I have a nest egg for my daughter she will get this and can choose what she uses it for I would like her to sue it as a house deposit but if she doesn’t need it all or wants to use for a wedding that is her choice. I don’t plan to give her anything else specifically for a wedding but I have no doubt I could get overruled .w

You can if course give a child £5k for a wedding tax free or £2.5k for a grand child.

[Daisy_Do_72]

Originally Posted by returnplanning

This sounds pretty tricky, but try to reframe it as you are giving money for them to have the wedding they want, not the wedding you want - just like giving them £100 as a gift and they might buy something important for the house or might buy £100 of booze. If it's a gift, you can't set conditions on it.

I wonder, when you got married did your parents pay towards it and expect a say in the guest list? If so, that might be why you are feeling bothered by it, you expected that the same thing would happen when one of your kids got married.

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Yes my parents did pay part for my wedding, the guest list was assumed priority family first, then friends… I didn’t stress over it and it was a lovely day.
Awkwardly she’s hand picked some family and not invited friends that have been more like family …. I’ve said nothing. But I’m a bit embarrassed about it to be honest.
Some family are being off, but I’m ignoring that, smiling and nodding..ha ha
I want them to enjoy their day, but a conversation about ‘is there anyone you’d like to invite?’ Might have been nice.
To add.. she’s been very upset and emotional about it all the way through so myself and her sister have been taking the strain, reassurance and love given, and snappy sharp comments is what we receive…, as I said I’ll be glad when it’s over 😊
Wedding on the 2nd and I’ve booked Crete on the 9th… I’m looking forward to that!

[florida babe]

My sons haven’t discussed marriage as of yet but I don’t think they will be receiving a lot of us as DAB is giving them a pretty sum as a down payment on their mortgage. Can’t do it all!

[Stitchesmumanddad]

Originally Posted by Col&Ali

I'll be honest and say this is what I was thinking for when our DD gets married and have been surprised at how little some Dibbers have contributed on this thread.

I usually find Dibbers extremely generous with their kids!

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Yeah I thought that too.

I was expecting to lay out £10k each - but although they want it in a fancy marquee in my garden, and that is expensive, the bar bill is just the cost of all the booze from Tesco and servers for the night plus caterers etc. So £15k was enough apparently.

[Ladyshopper]

To be honest, I'm not very traditional, and have always told my son and daughter that when they get married, they should expect to pay for it themselves. I never had any contribution from my mum (not that she would be able to afford it), and haven't seen my Dad since I was 6 nor do I want to, so no-one to ask on that side.

My daughter is getting married next year. She did ask if we wanted to contribute towards it, but with absolutely no expectations. Her and her partner have budgeted for it, and both have decent ish jobs.

Her father and me are split up, so she asked him the same, and they also asked the grooms parents. Her Dad gave her £1000, we gave £1500, and I have no idea what the grooms parents gave. The groom is an only child, so possibly much more, whereas I also have my son, and my husband also has a daughter who is engaged, so will certainly be treating all 3 equally when they get married. The grooms parents have also told them they can't give them any money until at least the end of the year, whereas we were able to give it all straight away.

My daughter and her partner were extremely grateful for the gift, and had no expectations at all, so would have been happy with no contribution, or any amount really. Yes, we could have afforded more, but as I said, I'm not traditional, and don't believe it's my place to pay for someone else's wedding. Just my opinion!

I'm sure I'll pay for a few other random bits and bobs along the way - my daughter won't ask, but I'll offer.

My first wedding many years ago was very cheap - church service, followed by a 'do' in the village half for which we did all the food.

My second wedding in 2018 was in Florida, and we paid for all the kids flights and villa etc. Everything was paid for by us, with absolutely no expectation that anyone else would pay anything, nor did we even dream of asking.

Personally, I think the cost of weddings these days is obscene, or at least weddings that are held in venues. £10k seems to be pretty much a minimum. In my opinion, if you want something like that, then you absolutely should be prepared to pay for it yourself.