Son wont go into school due to exam anxiety!

[buryboy]

My DD struggled really badly with anxiety with her GCSE s , and we are now having awful trouble with A levels looming

personally I would agree that playing " hard" is likely to be the right way. The reality of the situation is likely to be a lot better than the fear. He needs to try to realise that. Going in will help him do that

Not sure given the short timetable, but the school may be able to arrange for him to sit in a separate room ( with others in the same boat ) to take the exams. The schools exam officer should be able to advise on this

Good luck.

[DonnaD]

My DD15 suffers hugely from anxiety and medication has transformed her life. Just telling her to "get on with it" was not helpful at all as she just learned to hide how bad it was and had a major crisis resulting in physical illness.

OP, if your son is normally fine and just suffering from exam stress than the advice to let the school help and try and force him into school may be fine. However if his anxiety is more than temporary and exam related I would urge you to seek help. We found CAMHS impossible to access when we needed it but hopefully your area might be better. There are other independent organisations that can help too.

[x_Ange_x]

I think the amount of stress being piled onto these children nowadays is shocking.

A perfect example of this is a cousin of mine passed his Maths exam with a B* but the school though he could get an A* so have made him resit the exam. He didn't want to, his mum was more than happy with the B and would have preferred to leave it for him to focus on his other exams but the school have refused to let it go and now he has the additional stress of having to do better as that is what is expected.

Additionally a child from the same year group, about to sit her GCSE's has just committed suicide - obviously we do not know all the details and i don't want to speculate but I know her friends are adamant she wasn't being bullied etc. It does make you question the amount of pressure these kids are under.

My daughter is in year 10 and suffers from loads of medical conditions which cause her to have weeks and sometimes months off school. I have asked the school to let her drop out of some lessons to lighten the load for her as she is constantly playing catch up but they just don't want to know - all they care about is the figures at the end of it all - not the pupils mental wellbeing - I have been ridiculed to my daughter by her head of year for showing concern and asking for their help.

DD is the last of my 4 children to go to school and I cannot wait for her to leave.

Op I wish your son the very best and hope you find a way to help him through his anxiety and to do well in his exams - its so hard as a parent to see them struggling so much

[Guest]

Just to add to my earlier response as reading some of the other posts made me think I should clarify a little.

Obviously the OP knows their child better than I do, and if they think the child is in any mental danger through being forced then that is one thing (which I didn't consider)

My advice was around the more common "acute exams are looming I can't cope" feeling that many go through (to differing severity)in these cases getting back on the horse is the best remedy.

Good luck to all doing exams (kids and their parents)

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by x_Ange_x

I think the amount of stress being piled onto these children nowadays is shocking.

A perfect example of this is a cousin of mine passed his Maths exam with a B* but the school though he could get an A* so have made him resit the exam. He didn't want to, his mum was more than happy with the B and would have preferred to leave it for him to focus on his other exams but the school have refused to let it go and now he has the additional stress of having to do better as that is what is expected.

Additionally a child from the same year group, about to sit her GCSE's has just committed suicide - obviously we do not know all the details and i don't want to speculate but I know her friends are adamant she wasn't being bullied etc. It does make you question the amount of pressure these kids are under.

My daughter is in year 10 and suffers from loads of medical conditions which cause her to have weeks and sometimes months off school. I have asked the school to let her drop out of some lessons to lighten the load for her as she is constantly playing catch up but they just don't want to know - all they care about is the figures at the end of it all - not the pupils mental wellbeing - I have been ridiculed to my daughter by her head of year for showing concern and asking for their help.

DD is the last of my 4 children to go to school and I cannot wait for her to leave.

Op I wish your son the very best and hope you find a way to help him through his anxiety and to do well in his exams - its so hard as a parent to see them struggling so much

See more...

I completely agree with this, my DS is only 2 (almost 3), and I am dreading the latter of the school years as I imagine it's only going to get worse, I see the kind of homework and pressure my nephew gets put under and he's only in year 6.

I know I may get ridiculed for this but I do think children aren't really allowed to be children long enough these days. Whilst education is obviously massively important, there are also more important things in life. Life doesn't end at education, and kids have so many options these days post education.

[frazers mum]

Thankyou everyone for all your help and advice. It means a lot. He has always been an anxious child, but this is something that has intensified over the last couple of weeks, coming to a head today. I have already put things in place for him to sit at the back of the exam hall, along with other children in a similar situation. He has emailed the school as they suggested and is awaiting a return email offering any other help.
I have emailed 'young minds' for any advice off them and hopefully our own Doctors will be able to fit us in tomorrow. I really wish he didn't suffer with this anxiety and he knows he has to face next week and the following weeks exams.
Thankyou again.

[JessBlu]

It’s so hard isn’t it.

I have made my daughter go to school every day with support and sometime I know it must feel like she is climbing a mountain!

But she needs to overcome these issues and she always comes home saying the thought of it was so much worst that the actual.

I feel like the worst mum in the world sometimes but I refuse to let her stew in her bedroom I don’t think that will do anyone any good and when I ser her big smile at home time I know it was the right decision.

[DonnaD]

Originally Posted by x_Ange_x

I think the amount of stress being piled onto these children nowadays is shocking.

A perfect example of this is a cousin of mine passed his Maths exam with a B* but the school though he could get an A* so have made him resit the exam. He didn't want to, his mum was more than happy with the B and would have preferred to leave it for him to focus on his other exams but the school have refused to let it go and now he has the additional stress of having to do better as that is what is expected.

Additionally a child from the same year group, about to sit her GCSE's has just committed suicide - obviously we do not know all the details and i don't want to speculate but I know her friends are adamant she wasn't being bullied etc. It does make you question the amount of pressure these kids are under.

My daughter is in year 10 and suffers from loads of medical conditions which cause her to have weeks and sometimes months off school. I have asked the school to let her drop out of some lessons to lighten the load for her as she is constantly playing catch up but they just don't want to know - all they care about is the figures at the end of it all - not the pupils mental wellbeing - I have been ridiculed to my daughter by her head of year for showing concern and asking for their help.

DD is the last of my 4 children to go to school and I cannot wait for her to leave.

Op I wish your son the very best and hope you find a way to help him through his anxiety and to do well in his exams - its so hard as a parent to see them struggling so much

See more...

I am sad to hear that we are not the only ones that found school to be very unhelpful in dealing with physical illness. My daughter's UK secondary school was so concerned about attendance rates that they expected her to return less than 48 hours after a head injury. Considering she couldn't even remember why her head hurt I found this shocking! Her school here isn't judged the same based on attendance rates so accepts all her absences for medical appointments etc without question.

Your daughter would have been able to return to school part time here in Florida. There is also a system of online courses so she could have kept up from hospital or home if possible. If not and it took her an extra year to graduate, that would have been fine too.

Telling a child a B* isn't good enough is ridiculous. Surely a re-sit in those circumstances should only be encouraged if the student is unhappy with the result themselves?

[DonnaD]

Originally Posted by MK_club1987

I completely agree with this, my DS is only 2 (almost 3), and I am dreading the latter of the school years as I imagine it's only going to get worse, I see the kind of homework and pressure my nephew gets put under and he's only in year 6.

I know I may get ridiculed for this but I do think children aren't really allowed to be children long enough these days. Whilst education is obviously massively important, there are also more important things in life. Life doesn't end at education, and kids have so many options these days post education.

See more...

I agree with you 100%. I was an academic high flyer but my children (and husband) are not. I did work hard but mostly it just came naturally to me. My 11 year old doesn't suffer from anxiety, she just has different talents. If the education system decided that art, music and sport were what mattered instead of English, maths and science I would have struggled too! The UK GCSE and A levels system has even turned Art and PE into written academic subjects. Even dance and music lessons outside school have exams to pass in the UK.

There is so much more to life than academic exams and my husband's lack of exam success has not stopped him from starting a very successful business and having a happy life.

[MK_club1987]

Originally Posted by DonnaD

I agree with you 100%. I was an academic high flyer but my children (and husband) are not. I did work hard but mostly it just came naturally to me. My 11 year old doesn't suffer from anxiety, she just has different talents. If the education system decided that art, music and sport were what mattered instead of English, maths and science I would have struggled too! The UK GCSE and A levels system has even turned Art and PE into written academic subjects. Even dance and music lessons outside school have exams to pass in the UK.

There is so much more to life than academic exams and my husband's lack of exam success has not stopped him from starting a very successful business and having a happy life.

See more...

It's ridiculous that things like Art, P.E, Dance and Music have written exams, I have recently passed a degree at a US animation school, the whole course was practical based, absolutely no written work, no exam, and marks were all based on your animation skills.

For creative subjects that kids/adults want to follow, that's how it should be. I had to go to a US school (thankfully some of them including mine have online only classes/studying for international students) because majority of the degrees I found here in animation had academic based work and exams and I had to have A-levels, which admittedly I didn't do when I left school. I was able to enrol in this degree by just applying and having a chat with them about my desire towards animation.