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Old 16 Nov 19, 01:56 PM  
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Orlando21
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Dilemma - opinions please

Hi

I’m a long time dibber who just needs to ask opinions on a subject.

Just a bit of back ground. My last post advised that my husband was diagnosed with acute myeloid Leukemia back in August. Life has been difficult and stressful, however on the whole he’s doing ok and on his 3rd round of chemo. He will have his 4th next month.

Now to Christmas. It looks very likely that he will be in hospital at Christmas ( on Christmas Day) as his immune system will be nil at this time. Myself and grown up kids will stay there most of the day with him. My dad who is 80 and lives 5 hours away still expects to come and stay with us. You may think well what is the problem. Let’s say he likes to be waited on. Will never make himself a drink ( he has lived alone for the last 10 years and is very independent) asks what’s for tea before he’s finished his breakfast and generally has me running around after him.

Also it wasn’t me who moved away. My mum and dad decided to move over 20 years ago so my mum could be near her brothers and sisters 😳. Mum since passed away. I’ve broached the subject of maybe going to his lady friends or a friend as he has many up there but just keeps saying I’ll see what my situation is like at the time. I’ll be honest I really don’t want him here as I’m terrified he’ll give something to hubby as he’s always coughing and has sniffles. Help. Am I heartless?
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:03 PM  
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Omega1
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No, you are certainly not heartless. At this time you must consider yourself and your husband and not even contemplate passing on an infection to DH. What you are going through is stressful enough without this added burden. Explain to your dad what you are going through and the reason for your decision but don’t carry the guilt. Best wishes.
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:04 PM  
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sam_b
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Hi - no, not heartless - you are being sensible.
Tell him you can’t host him this year due to husband’s treatment and immune position. Even white lie and say it’s Drs advice if need be. Tell him you would love to have him for Easter (maybe?) and say that you are giving him plenty of warning to make alternative arrangements. 😀
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:08 PM  
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Twin mummy
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Not heartless at all, totally understandable and your Dad should understand your reasons, if he doesn’t it’s him being heartless not you!
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:10 PM  
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EssexSue
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You have more than enough on your plate sweetheart. I take it you have no siblings? It won't be a normal Christmas for you and he needs to understand that.
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:11 PM  
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Dr.JumbaJookiba
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Originally Posted by sam_b View Post
Hi - no, not heartless - you are being sensible.
Tell him you can’t host him this year due to husband’s treatment and immune position. Even white lie and say it’s Drs advice if need be. Tell him you would love to have him for Easter (maybe?) and say that you are giving him plenty of warning to make alternative arrangements. 😀
Completely agree with this - I cared for my Dad when he had Myelodysplastic syndrome and your family and your DH's immune system must take priority. I hope his treatment goes well
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:19 PM  
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Stitch & Smudge
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Perhaps point out that you’re planning on being at the hospital the majority of the time anyway so he would pretty much be on his own so wouldn’t exactly be much fun for him if he did come.
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:38 PM  
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Orlando21
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Originally Posted by EssexSue View Post
You have more than enough on your plate sweetheart. I take it you have no siblings? It won't be a normal Christmas for you and he needs to understand that.
Thank you. My brother lives abroad and has always done the very minimum for my parents 😔. I feel like my dad thinks it’s my duty as a daughter to have him. He’s always just assumed he will be here every Christmas since my mum died.
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:39 PM  
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3disneykids
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Whether you dad was completely self sufficient or like you say wants waiting on it is a completely inappropriate time for you to be having guests that are staying.
I don't at all think you are heartless, your husband needs you the minute and you don't need the extra stress and responsibility of looking after your Dad as well.

You also said that there re other people he could spend it with. I would be upfront about why you couldn't and explain the seriousness of the situation. For him to expect to come in such circumstances seems selfish.

Maybe you could say that when your DH is feeling a bit better you will arrange a get together when he can come over and you can enjoy some family time.

Sending hugs xx
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Old 16 Nov 19, 02:40 PM  
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Orlando21
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Originally Posted by Stitch & Smudge View Post
Perhaps point out that you’re planning on being at the hospital the majority of the time anyway so he would pretty much be on his own so wouldn’t exactly be much fun for him if he did come.
I’ve already tried this and it doesn’t seem to have put him off 😳
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