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Old 12 Sep 19, 02:36 PM  
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#31
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No it’s self defence!
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Old 12 Sep 19, 02:41 PM  
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alkel2730
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Nope! Self defence in my view. My daughter got pushed the other day and did nothing back she just submitted and retreated, I saw it. Teacher didn’t give a toss. I wish she pushed back.
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Old 12 Sep 19, 04:57 PM  
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DreamDisney
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In my eyes retaliation is very different from self-defence. It's more pre-planned, if you see what I mean. Self-defence is more reactionary, and literally just that, self-defence. It also stops as quickly as possible. I imagine retaliation to be more about inflicting harm, to get revenge, rather than to just get the other person to stop attacking you.

In the situation you describe, as the boy had run off, the need to defend had disappeared and so running after the boy to lay one on him would most definitely fall into the retaliation category, and would therefore be wrong. In the second scenario described, where your other son was actively, and continuously the victim of both physical and verbal bullying, his action was self-defence.

Whilst it's admirable that we all teach our children to deal with conflict in healthy, non violent ways, we also need to teach them to defend themselves where necessary because there will be times in their lives (sadly) where it WILL be necessary. And none of us, as adults, would expect to be punched by another person and not react, just waiting to get hit again. We'd defend ourselves or run (whichever is most appropriate at the time).
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Old 12 Sep 19, 05:18 PM  
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JoJo88
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Originally Posted by DreamDisney View Post
In my eyes retaliation is very different from self-defence. It's more pre-planned, if you see what I mean. Self-defence is more reactionary, and literally just that, self-defence. It also stops as quickly as possible. I imagine retaliation to be more about inflicting harm, to get revenge, rather than to just get the other person to stop attacking you.

In the situation you describe, as the boy had run off, the need to defend had disappeared and so running after the boy to lay one on him would most definitely fall into the retaliation category, and would therefore be wrong. In the second scenario described, where your other son was actively, and continuously the victim of both physical and verbal bullying, his action was self-defence.

Whilst it's admirable that we all teach our children to deal with conflict in healthy, non violent ways, we also need to teach them to defend themselves where necessary because there will be times in their lives (sadly) where it WILL be necessary. And none of us, as adults, would expect to be punched by another person and not react, just waiting to get hit again. We'd defend ourselves or run (whichever is most appropriate at the time).
Absolutely agree with everything you’ve said. And you’re right, as the boy had run away, DS would’ve been wrong to run after him to hit him as he himself wasn’t in any danger, as the threat had gone. I think DH is more of the view, give him a whack and he’ll know not to do it to you again!
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Old 12 Sep 19, 06:15 PM  
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Your ds did the right thing by walking away.
At school my ds is taught not to punch/kick etc back, however he attends Gracie Jiu Jitsu and is told he should defend himself if necessary and this is what I would expect my ds to do and he would have my backing even if he got punished at school.
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Old 12 Sep 19, 06:37 PM  
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hilz22
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Mmm such a difficult one and i have always said someone hits you hit back.oldest DS would never and has never, result he was bullied for years and nothing done about it. Youngest well someone hit him in year one ds retaliated and broke his collar bone. He was nearly excluded for this, i was called into school and told this must not happen again. While i agree it doesn’t solve anything, schools are very good at not preventing it in the first place. And guess what no one hits ds2 again.
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Old 12 Sep 19, 06:42 PM  
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neatfrk
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No.

As a parent I would explain that physical violence is always ALWAYS a last resort.

If there was no other choice, and it was truly self-defense, do what ya gotta do kid.
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Old 12 Sep 19, 06:45 PM  
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No. As long as that retaliation is proportionate to the original offence.
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