University visits

[dubletrub]

Shirley when my son left in the 1st year we had to pay his accommodation up for that year as guarantor, he was able to advertise it but unfortunately there where a few empty flats and couldn't get any takers. He didn't have to pay for the rest of the uni fees and his student loan cancelled. He needs to go to student services and talk through all his options. Is there any hope of him transferring to a uni nearer home ?

[DisneyDaffodil]

So sorry to hear this Shirley. Definitely get him to go and see student services and talk through his options. Maybe he would feel better if you went with him, they probably won’t speak to you alone but would allow you to stay with him if he wanted it.

I’m sure they will try to offer some sort of support service to him, firstly to help him settle in and if he does then decide to leave, they will be able to tell him the implications of this. I would expect him to still be liable for the accommodation costs, unless they can re-let, as he signed the contract.

[shirley]

Sadly no, he didnt get into Glasgow. Its student accom hes in, oh god this is getting very stressful xx

[shirley]

I can go dowm, but he just refuses to go and get help/advice etc.

[dubletrub]

Originally Posted by shirley

I can go dowm, but he just refuses to go and get help/advice etc.

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He needs to go to the health and wellbeing advisor at the uni and they will point him in the right direction for the help he needs.
If he is homesick that may pass after a few weeks if he can meet a few friends on his course or in his flat.
If he isn't gelling with his flatmates see within his accommodation block if there are any empty rooms he can move to.
There is help there for him if he wants it. If he feels he has just made a mistake then he may be better walking away.

[MrsNobby]

Originally Posted by shirley

I can go dowm, but he just refuses to go and get help/advice etc.

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I have been half following this thread but Im not sure of all the back ground but I just wanted to say dont wait to be asked go down and take him to Student Welfare/Services.

2 years ago I took my son to Hull Uni everything was fine as far as I was concerned. My son told me he was enjoying it and doing well. I took him back to Hull last September for his 2nd year and still no worries.
In January 2019 I discovered a letter from student finance saying as he had not registered he would not be receiving any funding. No worries student finance make mistakes so I rang my son and long story short he hadnt been to University since November 2017.

I drove down to Hull the next day packed my sons stuff up and marched him to Student Welfare. They were wonderful. I brought him home and he has since been diagnosed with Aspergers.

What Im trying to say is if you feel you need to go down to see him then go. Make an appointment with Student Welfare and take him. My son caused himself all sorts of problems that if he had only asked for help would never have happened. We now know that due to Aspergers this is one of those things he cant do.

Go with your gut and do what you need to do. They are still our babies no matter how old they are.

I took him back to Hull on Saturday abd he has registered fir his 1st year again and has already had a meeting with Student Welfare and hopefully with extra support he will cope much better this time.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by shirley

I can go dowm, but he just refuses to go and get help/advice etc.

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I would go down as it won’t do any of you any good waiting . Even if you just go down and chat to him rather than any one official , it may help .
My son has always been very happy go lucky and go with the flow but his mental health went down once he started uni and in the first few days he got really down but thankfully he went to see student welfare and they referred him on to more help and then he just found it easier .
He has good friends though which help but the thing with uni is you have to ask for help , they won’t come and seek you out as technically you are now an adult and if you don’t sort it yourself ,no one will.
Really hope he’s ok though x

[DisneyDaffodil]

Shirley I can only imagine how stressful this must be for you. I agree with the posters above that your son needs some help. Hopefully if you go and see him, he may be more likely to visit student services and get that help. There may be ways for your son to still stay at uni and be happy with the right support but, at the moment, he doesn’t seem likely to be able to cope without this help. I do hope you can get him to ask for support as he is an adult now so it would have to be him making the initial contact to the support services.

[vanlou]

Shirley,
Student services were great with our daughter. Although she still decided to leave I felt they were able to say effectively everything we we couldn’t, and offer different options (ie. different accommodation). Plus they were able to give us advice on the practical sides of her not actually taking up the place.

I really hope they are able to talk him around, but if not you are probably looking at paying at least one months rent. Finance wise, if the course hasn’t officially started yet then you may find you can just cancel the student finance/maintenance grant with nothing to pay. But you need to update them as a priority if he decides to come home.

Good luck xx

[Col&Ali]

Shirley, please give his course lead a call and explain that he's having some difficulty settling in. They are really good and will give you advice and support.

Alternatively, call Student Guidance at the Uni - we do have parents calling, especially early on and although we cannot talk specifically we can signpost and make sure the student is OK.