Organising carers for elderly

[disney332]

Originally Posted by Michyloulou

My MIL and FIL live 150 miles away (and no relatives nearby). They are 88yrs and 92 yrs respectively. My MIL has dementia (undiagnosed officially as it’s her wish for nature to take its course) but things are going downhill and she has classic symptoms:
- Short term memory shot to pieces
- confusion
- gets dressed at 3am ready to go shopping.
- Asking to see her parents
Meanwhile FIL although very frail, still has all his faculties. Covid had meant it’s been difficult to see them (we last saw them last Summer). We were going to go down at Christmas but FIL had to self-isolate due to a heart procedure he was waiting to have to do with his pacemaker. At that point we hadn’t been vaccinated and didn’t want to risk him not being able to have his procedure.
Sorry, I have digressed, but we are wanting to organise carers to go in, meals to be delivered (one of those pre-made meal companies). I’ve never had to do this before, but how do we organise carers, and does anyone have recommendations for meal companies (MIL forgets what she’s doing in kitchen as soon as she’s in there so meals are hit & miss at the moment according to my FIL). Neither of them are huge eaters, but obviously we don’t want them getting malnourished. My BIL lives slightly nearer (still about 80 miles away) but is dealing with poor health of his partner and adult daughter with long Covid.

See more...

Sorry to hear this, I can completely empathise with you, as my Mother is just the same. She rang me on the landline the other day and asked where I was. Heartbreaking and a direct consequence of what many consider to be the inhumane rules introduced at lockdown. I am one of thiose for what its worth.

We got a local caring company to do daily visits, now up to 3 per day. Its not cheap, but they are good. We also make sure she is eating through regular visits and staying for lunch/dinner.

I hope you get this resolved in the short term, but sadly in the long term it will deteriorate.

Disney332

[FloridaNuts93]

We used icarecuisine.co.uk for my husband’s aunt. They provide a hot dinner and dessert at reasonable prices. You can order online in advance, and choose each days meal, and dates you want them. Delivered fresh each day.

[Feebee2]

We have two private carers for DH now. One who gets him up and the other who stays for 5 hours every afternoon. This is working really well for us as it gives me freedom during the day so I'm quite happy to do the evening and night time caring.
We did try an agency and it was a nightmare, the times were unreliable and I still ended up doing most of the care.
Have they considered moving into a retirement home together, that might be the only way FIL truly get peace of mind. My mother moved into one in January, she's 95, fiercely independent and a very private person but she actually really likes it.

[mrs rcch]

Apply for Attendance Allowance for both of them, lower rate is about £60 a week, upper is about £90. It isn’t means tested, form is a little bit long, it worth filling it in... maybe over a couple of nights.
If MIL does get diagnosed, they would a,so be entitled to a reduction in council tax (25%).
If they get Attendance Allowance , it would help to pay for their meals and carers

[Anne]

Originally Posted by FlorayG

Sometimes it can't be helped unfortunately. This often happened to my mom and when I would enquire there could be many reasons e.g carer off sick (happens REALLY frequently as they are not allowed to work if they have even a simple cold) or an emergency at the previous call - one time my mom's carer stayed with her waiting for an ambulance after she found mom fallen on the floor. Plus it's really difficult to get staff in the first place so if one is on holiday all the remaining have to cover. I find it amazing that anybody at all does that job it's so difficult

See more...

I work in the office of a care agency and the way some care agencies work as standard is sadly exactly what I've posted. Our clients never have visits cut short or lots of different carers.

[taffs travels]

My Uncle is 160 miles away and is fiercely independent so he refused all help. we compromised with his meals and use Wiltshire foods.Like others have said they deliver a weeks worth of frozen meals and desserts and pop them in the freezer for him. He chooses from a large selection and really enjoys them. his favourite is sausage casserole with mash and peas. My mom who is also in her eighties checks in with him as she lives a few streets away and he manages fine. when i visited for a few days last week I made him meals and we had a fish supper and the driver noticed he still had meals left in his freezer so he must have reported it as they contacted me to check he was OK. That is not part of their service but it does show they are caring and give me peace of mind.
Slowly I have been persuading him to get more help. just a gardener at the moment so he can look out to the front garden and enjoy the flowers. the next step is personal care but I know that is going to be a hard sell ! Take it slowly if you can and good luck

[Themousefamily]

Just something else that may help - my elderly parents have a freezer in their garage which only my mum can get to due to mobility issues, so we ordered some meals from parsley box. The major benefit of these are that they are long life, do not need refrigerating or freezing and can just be left next to the microwave on the worktop. My parents said they were quite acceptable. Our local council meals on wheels service was also really good and very useful.

[Bolto6]

Originally Posted by Themousefamily

Just something else that may help - my elderly parents have a freezer in their garage which only my mum can get to due to mobility issues, so we ordered some meals from parsley box. The major benefit of these are that they are long life, do not need refrigerating or freezing and can just be left next to the microwave on the worktop. My parents said they were quite acceptable. Our local council meals on wheels service was also really good and very useful.

See more...

My mum and dad get Parsley Box meals, and the huge sell for them was they don’t need keeping in the fridge or freezer. They started getting them because my mum went into hospital for surgery, and it was something easy for my dad to cook, but they have kept buying them ever since. I think they have maybe 1 or 2 of these meals a week.

[Themousefamily]

Originally Posted by Bolto6

My mum and dad get Parsley Box meals, and the huge sell for them was they don’t need keeping in the fridge or freezer. They started getting them because my mum went into hospital for surgery, and it was something easy for my dad to cook, but they have kept buying them ever since. I think they have maybe 1 or 2 of these meals a week.

See more...

Yes pretty much the same story for my parents - mum went into hospital unexpectedly and dad couldn’t get to the freezer due to being in a wheelchair. The parsley box meals were a really useful meal to have in. They even sent little mini bottles of wine with the order

[ILoveDaveLamb]

Another vote for Wiltshire Farm Foods here. I started off ordering online for DM, but they were so good to deal with that she happily chatted to them on the phone and took over ordering herself.

It is a difficult time and you are in my thoughts, OP.

DM and DFIL have now both passed, but they had v different experiences of care and we in setting it up.

DFIL had care from Home Instead, mentioned by others. One of the really positive things about this firm was that the manager came to visit/ assess before hand and answer questions. She said it was policy that she would never send an unknown carer to the in laws‘ door. They tried to keep to named carers as much as possible. If a substitution was needed, she would come with the new carer and do an introduction. DFIL had dementia and this helped him somewhat and DMIL greatly as she built a relationship of trust with the firm. They supported her too.

My darling mam had a less positive experience, partly as we were in the thick of COVID. She was not self funded. The carers did not come at anything like set times and she had staff who were very new to the job and in her view badly trained. (She was a carer herself). She stopped them coming in the end.

Good luck going forward. Xx