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28 Aug 20, 07:39 AM |
#61
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Guest
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This is me. Irrespective of the fact that my kids have lived away and are in Thier 20s will be awake until they come in. They go out on a school night - often don't leave until close to ten and my heart sinks. Several nights a week I will then be awake until 1:30-2 or later, and still have to start work at 7. It's hard. My DH goes to sleep but is woken up when they return and is then awake for an hour or two.
That said, by youngest has become nocturnal during lockdown like many teenagers and the house often has more noise at 2am than it does all morning while I work and they sleep. Hopefully it will be easier when school / uni restart. 🙁 |
28 Aug 20, 07:55 AM |
#62
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Guest
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On the thirds thing.
It is a difficult balance. A) want to be asking them to make a fair contribution but definition of "fair" is a hard one. Fair to you and your bills, fair to them all, as they are all paid differing amounts ? Hard to square that circle. B). Reasonable enough to try and limiit the financial push on them if they are truly either a) saving to get out themselves eg for a deposit b) really intending to leave. I have a friend who charges her son 250 a month for room and board. He has been there 6 years, he is 35. He spends money like water and is having a whale of a time travelling and expensive cars. She does his laundry and cleans. She was surprised when tentatively asking him how long he was going to stay. He said he had no intention of moving out. He couldn't afford anywhere with his salary with the level of comforts of home. She had worked hard all her life and her bills were relatively low. She split them.equally with him. I don't want this. I love my kids but don't think this would be good for me or them longer term. This way they are essentially saving although they may not know it. If I have large or unexpected bills, or lose my job or retire then that might change. But for now I'm sticking with it. OP. Sounds like a thread of woe. In the main mine are lovely and we get on well. I am blessed to have them back. We all need to clearly be responsible adults together rather than parents and children for it to work at its best I think. We are still working on that bit. 😁. |
28 Aug 20, 08:10 AM |
#63
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VIP Dibber
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I would ask them to sort their own food, this is the biggest cost and has the most time attached.
It sounds like they are doing it for the right reasons (it saving up for their own place) Do you have enough room on the drive for their cars ? (assuming they drive now?) Along with the expectation that they tidy after themselves and do their own laundry. Maybe then £50 a month as a token gesture? P.S I’m sure you will enjoy them back at home👍😄
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28 Aug 20, 08:21 AM |
#64
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VIP Dibber
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Be prepared for endless squabbling over bathrooms/ no hot water etc and no privacy to watch 'their' programmes on TV! Personally if you can, I would set up another area for watching tv to give everyone some extra space.
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28 Aug 20, 09:47 AM |
#65
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Imagineer
Join Date: Jun 05
Location: East Riding of Yorks
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Our son separated from his wife just as lockdown hit. He’d been financially in dire straights and when he got paid, was still overdrawn.
He came to live with us and had 60p in the bank and very despondent (He came home from work and his things were outside in black bin liners in the rain - her choice to kick him out) We charge him £100 a month which is nothing really. He’s been furloughed for the majority of Lockdown but still managed to buy himself a 48” 3D TV, a new bike, a go pro, a new iPhone, roof bars for my car that he’s using (we bought it for him to get to work when he first moved in. Picked it up and that day he was furloughed) plus clothes and shoes galore. Whilst I do resent this, I also know how tough he’s had it for the last 5 years but I feel things are going to have to change soon. |
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28 Aug 20, 09:56 AM |
#66
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Imagineer
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£5 a month or even £50 a month isn’t board really, it wouldn’t begin to cover you being there. It’s just a token gesture.
I have 2 younger brothers who I would give the world to. There will be room made in my house whenever they need it - we are all very independent though so unlikely. I’m 6.5 years older than my brother. If we had both lived at home when I was 28 and earning very good money, and he was 21 and still at uni, and our parents say charged us £200 a month each, I’d have paid his, end of.
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Mitch xx |
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28 Aug 20, 10:01 AM |
#67
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Imagineer
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28 Aug 20, 10:34 AM |
#68
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Imagineer
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But generally most people will spend the same % of what they earn on food/bills etc regardless of income level.
Generally the more people earn the more they spend. Costs are relative so a % is an easy way of determining "charges" or outgoings. As a rough guess if I earn £25k I will be able to afford £800 in rent, if I earn £50k I can afford £1500 in rent. |
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28 Aug 20, 10:39 AM |
#69
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Guest
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28 Aug 20, 10:51 AM |
#70
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Imagineer
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Not in the slightest, we all moved out at 18 and never returned, as I said highly independent. It’s just a scenario. I just don’t understand begrudging your baby brother less keep whilst he’s young and earning less
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Mitch xx |
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