teenage daughter problems

[Justtracy]

Hi guys im really at my witts end what to do and reaaly hoping some of you may have had similar experiences and can offer advice, you may be judgemental and I am expecting the whole bad parent finger being pointed.but im sure im not the only parent to be going through this.
our daughter is 15 , will be 16 in sept never had any problems with her to this degree or any of my 5 kids. But 2 weeks ago I saw her sat with a group of people who are less than desirable. I watched for a few minutes as a bottle of cider was passed around the circle. I phoned her and told her to make her way towards me and we went home. She had alcohol on her breath but was not drunk. I grounded her over the weekend. Last week I was walking home and again I saw a couple of freinds who advised me she had gone to a house where they were drinking .once again I took her home this was 5pm .I decided to send her to her older sisters for a couple of days and took phone etc of her, she had no contact with her freinds and wasnt allowed out. She came home friday night and we had a chat and the usual promise it wont happen again.Yesterday morning she told me that she was meeting up with
an old friend who wasnt involved with this gang. Anyway it was all lies and after playing detective all evening we found her at the same house she was at the other day. The house belongs to her so called boyfreind and his mum who encourages the kids round there . The whole gang are known to the police for anti social behaviour etc. Ive tried keeping her away but hasnt worked she has told me that the boy is the only reason why she hangs out with them. I certainly don't trust them after speaking with the police they say it could make matters worse trying to keep her away but to compromise with severe rules. Apparently this boy has a different girl every week so im hopefull that the novelty will just fizzle out. The police have everything on record, I really want to trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt but its so hard, ive just started a new job and cant be worrying st work whats she ipto.

[Nic18076]

I can't offer very much help as I have a DS and not a DD, just offering my sympathy and to say I don't think you are being a bad parent - I can't see how you can come down too hard without pushing your DD towards the boy.

If the boy in question changes girlfriends so quickly then I wouldn't let them make too much of a drama out of it. My mum once told me that she was actually extra nice to the boys that each of us three daughters went out with if she didn't like them since that seemed to put us off them. In the meantime could you maybe encourage your DD to meet the boy at your house rather than at his? Obviously you will need to be there too somewhere in the house if he is truly dreadful and not to be trusted.

[daytonababe]

I think the difficulty here is if you tried to stop her seeing the boy etc it would push her more towards them...

But at the same time i wouldn't want my DD hanging out with them...

My DD is the same age and its very difficult in that you want to allow them freedom but at the same time know what they are upto. I'm fortunate i suppose that mine doesn't go out much and now she has a nice group of friends.

But go back a year and she had a vile group of friends at school and to keep in with them played the class idiot for about 6 months.. It did turn out she was scared of them bullying her and that's why she did it , but it wasn't a very pleasant time but she had to see for herself they weren't the right friends for her and eventually she did.

[Disney Dizzy]

Gosh certainly no judgemental finger pointing coming from here. I'm only a few short years away from this. It sounds like yr DD does still listen to you but the pull of this boy is stronger at the moment. Perhaps you can say you understand how she feels about this lad as you were young once but the drinking worries you and you don't want her getting into trouble. I would stress the need to keep talking to you and that she can come to you about whatever she wants and you will try to understand. Then when the inevitable happens and this lad breaks her heart she'll be straight back to you for cuddles and sympathy. To be fair as our kids get older it's the best we can do - keep the lines of communication open and be there to pick up the pieces.

[caj]

Hugs ! Teenagers are SO hard! I have no advice, except to keep communication channels open if at all possible. Which is, of course, the hardest thing to do! Have you asked her siblings for advice?

[happytraveller]

Hi, you have done everything you can The truth of the matter is at that age peer pressure is a great pull. I too agree that all you can do is keep the line of communication open and be there for her as has been suggested-but your doing great

[evergreen]

Tracy I would go with the Police advise strict hard rules, it's so hard with teenagers boundaries and such, no judgement from me Hun, the mother what's she like allowing kids yo drink in her house bet you could swing for her,
where are her other friends if this isn't her usual group? hope the relationship with this lad fizzles out quick

[whlparkstone]

Originally Posted by caj

Hugs ! Teenagers are SO hard! I have no advice, except to keep communication channels open if at all possible. Which is, of course, the hardest thing to do! Have you asked her siblings for advice?

See more...

this was exactly what I was going to say. I have no real advice other to try and keep talking to each other. yes, she has lied, but she has also told you about the boy which means she is still confiding in you. try to keep the communication going. good luck.

[Justtracy]

Originally Posted by evergreen

Tracy I would go with the Police advise strict hard rules, it's so hard with teenagers boundaries and such, no judgement from me Hun, the mother what's she like allowing kids yo drink in her house bet you could swing for her,
where are her other friends if this isn't her usual group? hope the relationship with this lad fizzles out quick

See more...

The mother was arrested the other night for fighting with her neighbour, I expect her neighbour has had enough, some of her usual crowd have been sucked in by this group and I know that their parents feel the same as me, and while I would live to knock her block off , that would make me just like them which im nothing like that, dont get me wrong I will allow dd to have a little drink when she is with sensible people and in a controlled environment but to actually encourage it in the middle of the day is something else.

[batleyboy26]

Oh no - not judgemental at all as it could happen to absolutely anyone and my DH and myself have just been talking about this this afternoon. We have thoughtless sons but TBH they've never caused us a moment's worry about their behaviour as far as hanging out with the wrong crowd etc is concerned.

No advice I'm afraid, just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you as we ourselves are (and as mentioned, only discussed this afternoon) thankful that we've been ok so far.

Big hugs xx