What do people think ( update post 93 )

[Rebelrebel]

womensaid.uk/the-sur...-someone-else/

[Stella_11]

Do you mind my asking how long have they been married?

[ClaireNJ]

A few years ago me & Hubbie had a disagreement when I said I’m going out for friends Birthday to a pub
He said “ it’s not you I don’t trust it’s the men “😳
I went out & have been out since not often though, I wouldn’t mind, but I don’t look like Pamela Anderson 🙄🤣🤣🤣, the problem is we don’t have many friends ourselves, we are always with each other, I on the other hand don’t have a problem if he wants to go out with a mate

[Gill H]

Originally Posted by debs2028

I know , I feel so sad for her , she is annoyed at herself fo not being able to say she is just going . She just said he will make her life hell and that will make her to upset .

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Alarm bells ringing here. That is abusive behaviour.

That is not traditional, it’s neanderthal!

[debs2028]

Originally Posted by Stella_11

Do you mind my asking how long have they been married?

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About 8yrs married but they have been a couple for about 16 yrs I think .

[duchy]

Now she has said leave it , then that's what you should do ... however that doesn't mean you can't work on gradually encouraging her to doing stuff more with you closer to home.

I have friends who have traditional marriages and when the kids were younger/still at home wouldn't have dreamed of going away without husband/family but as they got older started to travel to concerts and weekends away with friends. Some husbands thought it was great they had "their" thing others did feel threatened or uncomfortable with it (even those for whom "boys trips were utterly normal". Some friends chose not to do it as it wasn't worth the conflict. Ultimately their decision to make.
. It isn't always bullying or cocersive but sometimes just a bit of a shock that Mum wants to step out a bit more. Maybe if she's not "started smaller" it's a bit of a massive change. Doesn't mean he isn't being ridiculous but needs time to adjust to as the kids get older there is time for other things beyond family too, both together and separately.
I'd accept her decision , but start teasing your brother about his fifties pipe and slippers 50s attitude and see if you can adjust his attitude without locking horns with him , as that may cause problems for his wife.
I say this as someone whose husband has no problem with me going away without him (so long as we get holidays too) he offered to buy my ticket to Vegas when friends were going earlier this year but knew marrying me I loved my trips and it never occurred to him I would stop when we married. My previous husband used to moan, but only because it meant he had to do the school run and wouldn't have stopped me.

[3disneykids]

Originally Posted by debs2028

She does really want to go but is not prepared to put up with all the arguing it will cause . I’m of the opinion that he does not own her and a weekend away with family ( not girlfriends ) we don’t see each other that often is something she should choose not him .
She does not want a traditional marriage just him . I love my brother but on this occasion I strongly disagree with his actions . He does not go away with his friends as don’t think he has close friends particularly and is happy at home with wife and kids .
He does do all the men things , but she does work .

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Firstly as he is your own flesh and blood I think it is okay to speak up that he is being unreasonable (whether he will listen or not is another matter).
However that will then be an argument between you and him if you are willing to do that, also he might 'blame' her for your interference.

I really don't believe that any adult should feel scared to make their own decision.

I also think you are an amazing person for wanting to stick up for what is right and not go with what your brother wants because he is blood

[MrsBC]

Originally Posted by debs2028

I know , I feel so sad for her , she is annoyed at herself fo not being able to say she is just going . She just said he will make her life hell and that will make her to upset .

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If my brother acted like that, I'd have to ask him why, but we get on well so I'd probably tell him to take a look at himself!
Do you have a good enough relationship with your brother to be able to ask why he objects to her going away with his own family, without him taking offence?
People keep talking about 'traditional marriages' but what does that mean? We've been married over 40 years and my DH comes from a very traditional 'male led' background (coal mining villages) but still would never dream of acting like this.

[Pumpkin Pie]

I think this traditional marriage means the man is the head of the household and the little woman puts up and shuts up.

[duchy]

Ultimately though , you aren't the one to deal with the fall out, she is.
If she chooses not to go because "he will make her life hell" then as an adult that is her decision to make. She may have just decided it's not a battle she chooses to pick. You don't know what other considerations she has taken into account . As you say, you don't see each other very often , there may be a bigger picture she has chosen not to share with you.
Funny things marriages , I think mine is very relaxed but there's probably some things within it others wouldn't tolerate in theirs.