Teenagers.. why is it so difficult!

[2littleboys]

DS1 is 15… will be 16 in 4 weeks.

I honestly thought bringing up children would get easier as they get older but I’m way off the mark.

DS1 is to my previous marriage and on Tuesday he decided he wants to go and stay with his dad. I’m devastated, heartbroken, angry and upset, so many emotions I can’t write them all down.

He says he’s fed up being told what to do, he wants to be treated like an adult and says he might come home if I promise to never raise my voice to him again.

He doesn’t help around the house, is horrible to his little brother, wants money constantly, he’s dripping in designer clothes but apparently he’s got a really hard life because I ask him to do chores then shout at him if they are not done.

Just really looking for some advice on handling this. This morning he blocked my number on his phone, a £30 per month contract phone that I pay for and I have been unable to get in touch with him.

Before he left I told him I loved him, cared about him and wanted him under my roof but he’s my son not my flat mate and he lives here he follows my rules so he’s decided not to live here.

It’s all fun and games at his dads and he’s allowed to do as he pleases. So do I just sit back and hope he will come back with his tail between his legs?

[Sandra & co]

I have no experience of kids moving to their dads, but when mine try and make out the have it hard i back off a bit. I’d stop paying for his phone and see if he gets in touch with you, you sound like a lovely mum and he’s taken advantage. Yes I’d do nothing and see what happens, the ball is in his court and it’s up to him to ask to come back. It’s hard because you love him, I have trouble trying to get mine to unload the dishwasher and they’re all adults. Good luck 🤞

[princess allie]

I don’t really have any advice, but I think perhaps it may end up that your son will stay at his dads if there are no rules and chores there. Teenagers are very self centred unfortunately and having an easy alternative is probably very enticing. I’d stick to your guns and if he wants to come back home, he must abide by the rules of your home. It’s a pity his father doesn’t back you in this, as this situation wouldn’t have arisen if he did. I really sympathise with you, it must be an awful time for you and I hope you can sorts things out.

[MrsBrown]

No advice really, just want to say you are right bringing up teenagers is much harder than we think. And you do need to have rules and boundaries. Hopefully he will see sense soon and be back, must be so hard for you, sending virtual hug 🤗.

[Scully]

I wouldn't cancel his phone - he'd be sat at his Dads confirming he's made the right decision.
I think give it a couple of days, invite him over for a meal - just have a general chat, be nice and see how things develop.
Try and build a nice relationship, make him welcome in your home (I appreciate he is welcome, but he needs to feel he is), don't put any emphasis on him returning, don't talk about why he left, just let your relationship blossom and enjoy each others company.

He might staty at his Dads, he might eventually come back - just make sure he knows you're there for him.

[amy56]

Will his dad be happy for him to stay full time?

I agree with another poster that teenagers by their nature are selfish and also in a hurry to grow up - they don’t seem to get that responsibilities come with the freedom!

I’m thinking that his dads might be fun initially, but I’m sure dad will soon get fed up with your sons behaviour and I wouldn’t be surprised if he will find that he wants boundaries too once the novelty value of having his son there full time wears off.

Sending you big hugs as I know this is incredibly hard, but I suspect if you give in to his ultimatums then things will escalate and he will be harder to live with, and upset your youngest son further.

Let him go, spread his wings and hopefully he will return seeing how good home really was ❤️

[ClaireNJ]

Awww, I’m so sorry about your son, I know you must be devastated but I think you’ve done the right thing, he needs to be told & can’t do just as he pleases
He needs to respect others.
Let’s see how he gets on at his Dad’s
The grass isn’t always greener, which I’m sure he’ll soon realise
I would’ve done exactly the same as you
We had many a disagreement with our 2 sons when they were teenagers, they always think their parents are wrong & they’re hard done by 🤷
Anyway chin up, it’ll be ok
Sending you lots of love ❤️😘
X

[2littleboys]

Originally Posted by amy56

Will his dad be happy for him to stay full time?

I agree with another poster that teenagers by their nature are selfish and also in a hurry to grow up - they don’t seem to get that responsibilities come with the freedom!

I’m thinking that his dads might be fun initially, but I’m sure dad will soon get fed up with your sons behaviour and I wouldn’t be surprised if he will find that he wants boundaries too once the novelty value of having his son there full time wears off.

Sending you big hugs as I know this is incredibly hard, but I suspect if you give in to his ultimatums then things will escalate and he will be harder to live with, and upset your youngest son further.

Let him go, spread his wings and hopefully he will return seeing how good home really was ❤️

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Personally I think his dad is loving this at the moment but it will wear off as he stays a 30 minute drive away and will need to do the school run plus football training two nights a week plus a game on a Sunday morning.

[amy56]

Originally Posted by 2littleboys

Personally I think his dad is loving this at the moment but it will wear off as he stays a 30 minute drive away and will need to do the school run plus football training two nights a week plus a game on a Sunday morning.

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Yes I suspect that will indeed be the case - his own freedom will definitely be hampered by running around after a teenage son all week! The shine will wear off quite quickly I’d imagine! 😂

[caj]

Keep communication lines as open as you can ... its the hardest and best thing to do. He will want communication on his terms because he thinks he has all the power in the relationship. He's in the middle of the urgh phase ... but will learn communication very, very slowly!