Advice please. Head teacher said Santa doesn't exist

[Sweets]

I haven't read all of the posts but I just wanted to say, I too would be furious. How dare she take that magic away - what kind of person does that?! Never mind someone who educates young children.

I'd really lay it on thick and make sure that she realises just how horrible her behaviour was and what she has spoiled by doing that. I'm angry on your behalf lol.

[Omega1]

Originally Posted by duchy

As a parent (and my son is also autistic) and also as someone who has also worked in education I don't believe it's about "getting it off her chest" at all. It's about a teacher crossing the line and challenging the family belief system. Santa, Allah, Tooth Fairy or Jesus it isn't a teacher's place to impose their personal beliefs on a student knowing that they believe something different.
Whilst what the teacher said would be entirely appropriate in high school , at primary level it was thoughtless and unkind. The sort of mistake made by a new graduate not a head teacher.
It'll certainly show what kind of professional they are in how they handle it but I don't agree that at primary level any decent teacher would make any student pay for parents pointing out a failure in standards (which is not "having a go at them" but simply having reasonable expectations from the teacher)

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I understand the OP being very upset but it is important to keep a sense of perspective - I don’t think this is about a headteacher imposing their personal beliefs, more likely an error in an unguarded moment in the context of trying to explain the difference between real and fictitious characters.
Headteachers are human and make mistakes, like everyone else, the key is now how they resolve this. Talk, by some, of the head being unprofessional is ott.

[Sweets]

Originally Posted by Omega1

I understand the OP being very upset but it is important to keep a sense of perspective - I don’t think this is about a headteacher imposing their personal beliefs, more likely an error in an unguarded moment in the context of trying to explain the difference between real and fictitious characters.
Headteachers are human and make mistakes, like everyone else, the key is now how they resolve this. Talk, by some, of the head being unprofessional is ott.

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How does the headteacher resolve this? They can't resolve it. They've done it, they can't undo it. They need to apologise and acknowledge that they did indeed make a mistake and that under the circumstances and the environment in which they work, these kind of off the cuff remarks or mistakes or errors in unguarded moments should not happen.

Edited to add: I'm genuinely angry for the OP. I keep thinking that if this happened to my grandson (he's not quite 2 yet so... ) that I would be furious.
I hope the OP comes away from the meeting at least somewhat satisfied with the response.

[Taffy1959]

When my youngest 2 sons were in primary school they had a new teacher and I think she was teaching 6/7 year old children.
She decided to tell the whole class there was no such person as Father Christmas which as you can imagine resulted in absolute uproar from the parents of those children.

[duchy]

I must admit if any teacher had been that daft when my son was at primary it would have resulted in uproar too.
Even parents who don't believe they should "lie" to their children can go down the "He who believes receives" route . As can teachers.

[Omega1]

Originally Posted by Sweets

How does the headteacher resolve this? They can't resolve it. They've done it, they can't undo it. They need to apologise and acknowledge that they did indeed make a mistake and that under the circumstances and the environment in which they work, these kind of off the cuff remarks or mistakes or errors in unguarded moments should not happen.

Edited to add: I'm genuinely angry for the OP. I keep thinking that if this happened to my grandson (he's not quite 2 yet so... ) that I would be furious.
I hope the OP comes away from the meeting at least somewhat satisfied with the response.

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I agree that these unguarded moments are regrettable but as I said we’re all human and in an ideal world shouldn’t happen.
I think a carefully crafted lesson linking the historical figure of St Nicholas (Bishop of Smyrna iirc) through to modern day Santa would be helpful to restore the magic - OP’s daughter could use St Nicholas as their real character.

[Junogirl1]

I'm autistic and figured out there was no such thing as the Easter Bunny age 6 after I woke up and my parents had forgotten to hide the eggs. Later that year, I realised there was no such thing as Santa (it was still in the 90s ) after I recognised my dog's bite marks in the carrot I left for Rudolph. Still believed in the Tooth Fairy until I was 9 and saw my mother with my tooth slipping a pound coin under the pillow. And I still left out cookies and milk for Santa until I was 14 because tradition.
For a few years, earlier in the decade, I was a Scoutmaster. Beaver Scouts, kids aged sometimes 5, but generally 6-8. I would never ever have told them that Santa wasn't real. That's just awful. If I had, even accidentally let slip, that Santa wasn't real, I would have been seriously beating myself up. Once, one of the boys went around telling the others that Santa wasn't real and I felt bad enough about that.
I'm upset for OP. The headteacher was out of line. It doesn't matter if it was an off the cuff thing, it shouldn't have been said.

[Lulu Belle]

I too would be really upset if a teacher (or any adult) told my children that Santa wasn't real. The Christmas magic is a special part of childhood.

As others have said, the damage is done but that doesn't mean it can't be repaired. If the teacher has genuinely slipped up and said something she regrets, maybe she could talk to the class to explain that she doesn't believe in Santa anymore but maybe the children can help her?

My children were sometimes told by other children at school that Santa wasn't real but they chose to make their own mind up. I did help a little by doing magical things such as leaving sleigh bells in the garden or writing a note.

As for the tooth fairy, you could get a fairy door and wait to see if a fairy will visit. My DD's fairy used to leave little bottles of glitter in the night now and then and even put a little christmas tree up in December

[JellyEllieBean]

I too would be angry had a teacher told my children, however she has apologised for her actions and I’m not sure what more you want her to do. I’m sure that it was a mistake and one she now regrets, but she was probably trying to highlight that Santa is fictional and didn’t realise the impact of her words. I think you need to be clear what you want otherwise the meeting is pointless. Was it just your child who heard this or the whole class?

[tspill]

Originally Posted by alp1972

I would be dissapointed that the any teacher let alone a head thought it appropriate to say that to any child . Yes we all know that children talk and yes usually there is a few that tell the other children that Santa , Tooth Fairy etc dont exist but a lot of children mine being one of them still believes and I am happy to still have that magic at the moment . I do think on occasion not all by any stretch but some heads teachers are brought in to run the school as a business which is fine to some degree but forget how to be teachers . A friend said their son who is in year 6 had no teacher the other day so the head stepped in and he told them to sit on the floor on a mat and read them all a story ! The kids were all horrified and said it was like being back in reception !

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It makes no difference. Teachers like the rest of us are human. They will and do react to complaining parents. The only person this affects is the child and the relationship between teacher and child.
No matter what way parents argue this - this is the reality of life. Not saying it is right or wrong - it is just the way it is.
If you have spent any time with a group of teachers - you will know that a significant part of their conversation is about complaining parents.
Teachers are doing their best to educate and prepare children for the future. These days much more so than parents generally. They are some of the most important people in their lives. They aren't perfect. Give them a break and hence give your children the best chance you can.
Argue it whatever way you want - it wont have a positive impact on the child. It will almost certainly have a negative impact. The more the complaining, the more the impact. And not just for that one teacher. Teachers all know who the "problem" parents are and that sticks throughout the child's time at the school - not just that year.