Please share some delicately worded rude jokes...

[maidmarian]

Great job everyone 😂 keep them coming 🤗

[dmurrayuk]

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

[captain-codeye]

My wife has been diagnosed with hoover’s disease.

She has lost all suction and makes a constant whining sound.

[disney332]

Text Message from George to Richard;
Dear George, this is Richard your next door neighbor. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get the courage up to tell you face-to-face. At least I'm telling you in this text and I can't live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this. The truth is when your not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night. I haven't been getting it at home recently and I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great and I can't live with the guilt. I hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you.
Regards, Richard.

George response;
George, feeling enraged and betrayed grabbed his gun, went next door and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, then poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. George then looked at his phone and discovered a 2nd text message from Richard.

Text Message 2 from Richard to George;
Hi George, Richard here again, Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the damned spell-check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife", technology huh? It'll be the death of us all.

Disney332

[disney332]

Man in hospital bed wearing oxygen mask over his mouth. "Nurse", he mumbled. "Are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his gown, holds his pxxis in one hand and his testicles in the other... she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them Sir." Man pulls off oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thanks for that, it was lovely but listen very very carefully, are-my-test-re-sults-back?"

Disney332

[Bianca]

Originally Posted by maidmarian

Great job everyone 😂 keep them coming 🤗

See more...

[disney332]

A lonely widow decided it was time to get married again. She put an advert in the local newspaper:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you... you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked, 'Are you still good in bed?'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,
'Rang the doorbell didn't I

Disney332

[captain-codeye]

Why should you never use spit as lube?

Because they can trace the dna straight back to you.

[jim jehosofat]

I won a small amount on the lottery and treated me and the missus to a cruise on the QE2. My wife got talking to another woman who told her that she and her husband cruised 3 or 4 times a year. She asked the other woman how could they afford to do that and she said "my husband works for Cunard."
So does mine, said my missus, there's no need to brag about it!

[Mr Tom Morrow]

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"

The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."