Really struggling today.

[maidmarian]

Originally Posted by klr15

I was made to feel yesterday that my negative feelings about a situation are invalid and that I can’t feel sad about it because there are other people in worse situations (even though the person who said this doesn’t know the full story because they never bother to ask). They also went on to say that they are a positive person (basically shaming me because I was being negative about my situation).

I politely explained to them as best I could that just because other people might have had it worse, that doesn’t make the situation any less difficult for the person who is struggling and that doesn’t make their feelings invalid or wrong, we are human and we don’t choose how we feel and trying to shame someone into thinking they’re wrong for feeling the way they do is very low.

I also explained that some of us are realists, we aren’t negative, and we aren’t positive, we look at the whole picture and we are realistic about how we feel in regards to that situation, as not every situation needs a positive spin and forcing positive feelings into a negative situation isn’t always healthy. We need to be honest with ourselves in order to be truly happy.

I don’t think the message sunk in as they’ve always been a tad ignorant, but what I’m trying to say is, feel free to vent whatever you need to vent and never feel shame or guilt for doing that. We are only human and a healthy mind is one that isn’t burdened. I will never get fed up of people telling me how they feel, good or bad, I’ll always be hear to listen to anyone. 💜

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Some people could learn a lot from your statement hun. You see people's true colours though sometimes because not everyone thinks like you do, sadly.
Sometimes you can give too much and people will just keep taking and taking 😘 xx

[Floridadreams]

Originally Posted by klr15

I was made to feel yesterday that my negative feelings about a situation are invalid and that I can’t feel sad about it because there are other people in worse situations (even though the person who said this doesn’t know the full story because they never bother to ask). They also went on to say that they are a positive person (basically shaming me because I was being negative about my situation).

I politely explained to them as best I could that just because other people might have had it worse, that doesn’t make the situation any less difficult for the person who is struggling and that doesn’t make their feelings invalid or wrong, we are human and we don’t choose how we feel and trying to shame someone into thinking they’re wrong for feeling the way they do is very low.

I also explained that some of us are realists, we aren’t negative, and we aren’t positive, we look at the whole picture and we are realistic about how we feel in regards to that situation, as not every situation needs a positive spin and forcing positive feelings into a negative situation isn’t always healthy. We need to be honest with ourselves in order to be truly happy.

I don’t think the message sunk in as they’ve always been a tad ignorant, but what I’m trying to say is, feel free to vent whatever you need to vent and never feel shame or guilt for doing that. We are only human and a healthy mind is one that isn’t burdened. I will never get fed up of people telling me how they feel, good or bad, I’ll always be hear to listen to anyone. 💜

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That sounds like someone you just don’t need to be spending time with right now! Obviously difficult if it’s a family member, but if it’s a friend I’d try to take a break!
I totally agree that venting is absolutely necessary sometimes, obviously in a nice way! It might not get us anywhere, or change the other persons view, but at least you’ve got it out there and made your point.
Sorry that you are feeling sad about this situation. I hope that things get better for you soon. Remember you’re always welcome to vent on here anytime. Be kind to yourself today 💕

[klr15]

Originally Posted by maidmarian

Some people could learn a lot from your statement hun. You see people's true colours though sometimes because not everyone thinks like you do, sadly.
Sometimes you can give too much and people will just keep taking and taking 😘 xx

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Aww thank you. I’ve always tried to be kind, that’s the main foundation of who I am. I could never ever shut someone down who was opening up to me the way I’ve been shut down from some people because I like to think if someone wants to open to you, then they must trust you. It’s so true though, some people are just takers, they just want sympathy when they’re upset, but heaven forbid anyone else might need some, but thankfully there are other lovely people in the world instead. 💜

[maidmarian]

Originally Posted by klr15

Aww thank you. I’ve always tried to be kind, that’s the main foundation of who I am. I could never ever shut someone down who was opening up to me the way I’ve been shut down from some people because I like to think if someone wants to open to you, then they must trust you. It’s so true though, some people are just takers, they just want sympathy when they’re upset, but heaven forbid anyone else might need some, but thankfully there are other lovely people in the world instead. 💜

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And you are certainly one of them, you have a big heart and deserve the best out of life.
And I'm sure you must be a fab friend to have, be proud of yourself 💜😘

[klr15]

Originally Posted by Floridadreams

That sounds like someone you just don’t need to be spending time with right now! Obviously difficult if it’s a family member, but if it’s a friend I’d try to take a break!
I totally agree that venting is absolutely necessary sometimes, obviously in a nice way! It might not get us anywhere, or change the other persons view, but at least you’ve got it out there and made your point.
Sorry that you are feeling sad about this situation. I hope that things get better for you soon. Remember you’re always welcome to vent on here anytime. Be kind to yourself today 💕

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It’s the MIL so not too easy to escape from, but I will be putting in some distance, which I have done before. It’s been like this for over five years so I’ve kind of accepted I’ll never change them, but I will continue to try and educate them.

My thinking of it is, if these are her views, then fair enough, but she should keep them to herself and just nod and listen when someone vents. If they secretly think that someone is being dramatic because other people have it worse, then that’s their prerogative, but they should keep them thoughts to themselves instead of being callous.

I find it incredibly frustrating, but I’ll retaliate by being incredibly kind, as I always try to be no matter what my own feelings as that’s all you can do really.

Thank you, that is kind of you.🥰

[klr15]

Originally Posted by maidmarian

And you are certainly one of them, you have a big heart and deserve the best out of life.
And I'm sure you must be a fab friend to have, be proud of yourself 💜😘

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Thank you, that is very kind of you. Luckily you’re all very lovely on here which is amazing when people in real life aren’t so kind. 🥰💜

[Floridadreams]

Originally Posted by klr15

It’s the MIL so not too easy to escape from, but I will be putting in some distance, which I have done before. It’s been like this for over five years so I’ve kind of accepted I’ll never change them, but I will continue to try and educate them.

My thinking of it is, if these are her views, then fair enough, but she should keep them to herself and just nod and listen when someone vents. If they secretly think that someone is being dramatic because other people have it worse, then that’s their prerogative, but they should keep them thoughts to themselves instead of being callous.

I find it incredibly frustrating, but I’ll retaliate by being incredibly kind, as I always try to be no matter what my own feelings as that’s all you can do really.

Thank you, that is kind of you.🥰

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Mmm, she sounds like my MIL!
You are very good to retaliate by being kind, I just retaliate by trying to keep my distance within reason!
Take care of yourself x

[DisneyDaffodil]

Originally Posted by Loopylooloo

Hi! Had a bit of a mental blip earlier in the week, just the constant corona news I felt overwhelmed by the whole thing, however, in other news I have had a couple of interview offers, so next week will be busy doing those, which is good! One is for a call centre dealing with Selfridges customer care, one is a Youth Worker position which I am quite keen on, and lastly I am hoping to volunteer as an appropriate adult, at our local police holding centre. Am now worrying about possibly being too busy in the not so distant future! Got quite used to 10am breakfast and coffee!

Am trying to walk daily, loving the sunsets, and the leaves, its a beautiful time of year visually despite bad weather.

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Good luck with the interviews, they sound very varied and interesting.

I’ve totally struggled this week with the Covid lockdowns and restrictions and the huge step backwards into high case numbers again. It’s Georgia’s birthday next week and I can’t visit her or have her home for a visit. It’s my birthday the week after and I feel restaurants etc will be closed by then so there will be no birthday celebrations for me this year. The rumours of the circuit break lockdown worries me, but as we can’t leave our small area anyway, I don’t know if it makes any difference. I just want to see my kids 😢

[klr15]

Originally Posted by Floridadreams

Mmm, she sounds like my MIL!
You are very good to retaliate by being kind, I just retaliate by trying to keep my distance within reason!
Take care of yourself x

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It’s so frustrating isn’t it. I always try to put myself in other’s shoes to try and understand their actions, but I do struggle with this one. I think I’ve given up on it to be honest. I’ll be kind, but I will be keeping distance and I won’t be initiating contact for a long time. Thank you, you too!🥰

[maidmarian]

Originally Posted by DisneyDaffodil

Good luck with the interviews, they sound very varied and interesting.

I’ve totally struggled this week with the Covid lockdowns and restrictions and the huge step backwards into high case numbers again. It’s Georgia’s birthday next week and I can’t visit her or have her home for a visit. It’s my birthday the week after and I feel restaurants etc will be closed by then so there will be no birthday celebrations for me this year. The rumours of the circuit break lockdown worries me, but as we can’t leave our small area anyway, I don’t know if it makes any difference. I just want to see my kids 😢

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Really feel for you DD 😢