Utterly Heartbroken and Devastated

[DisneyStacey]

I just wish I could turn back time.

So many "what ifs"

I should've handled things differently.

[duchy]

Originally Posted by DisneyStacey

I just wish I could turn back time.

So many "what ifs"

I should've handled things differently.

See more...

I don’t think there are many people who haven’t wondered if they had reacted differently would the outcome have changed ... me included.
Ultimately though you were honest in your reactions and hindsight is easy but with the benefit of LOTS of hindsight I realised that no matter what he claimed afterwards, at the time it was all about him and what he (thought he) wanted. The fact the grass didn’t turn out to be any greener is his problem and only mine if I allowed it to be.
It is what it is at this point, and until he shows any genuine regret with actions rather than words then I suspect you couldn’t/wouldn’t have him back and you’d be right. Even if you do ultimately try again (and crazier things have happened) all this has changed you and made you stronger and the dynamics would be different.
I realised that ,for me, after all that had happened , I didn’t want him back (as he wasn’t the man I had believed he was once he showed he was capable of hurting me and our child) I wanted life back where it was before it all happened and ultimately that ship had sailed and I had to decide if I wanted him back with a new and hopefully better dynamic or I moved on. For me (and others might be better people than me and do it better) I knew I could never trust him fully again so it was too late, but I know other people who have got past it and their marriages went on to be strong again. Only you know if you would be prepared to take which risks, both are a bit scary. You just have to be very honest with yourself. If you do want him back, spell it out to him he ends the current relationship and woos you all over again with no guarantees ... or you decide you don’t and focus on looking forward and not back xxx

[sparklegirl]

Originally Posted by duchy

I don’t think there are many people who haven’t wondered if they had reacted differently would the outcome have changed ... me included.
Ultimately though you were honest in your reactions and hindsight is easy but with the benefit of LOTS of hindsight I realised that no matter what he claimed afterwards, at the time it was all about him and what he (thought he) wanted. The fact the grass didn’t turn out to be any greener is his problem and only mine if I allowed it to be.
It is what it is at this point, and until he shows any genuine regret with actions rather than words then I suspect you couldn’t/wouldn’t have him back and you’d be right. Even if you do ultimately try again (and crazier things have happened) all this has changed you and made you stronger and the dynamics would be different.
I realised that ,for me, after all that had happened , I didn’t want him back (as he wasn’t the man I had believed he was once he showed he was capable of hurting me and our child) I wanted life back where it was before it all happened and ultimately that ship had sailed and I had to decide if I wanted him back with a new and hopefully better dynamic or I moved on. For me (and others might be better people than me and do it better) I knew I could never trust him fully again so it was too late, but I know other people who have got past it and their marriages went on to be strong again. Only you know if you would be prepared to take which risks, both are a bit scary. You just have to be very honest with yourself. If you do want him back, spell it out to him he ends the current relationship and woos you all over again with no guarantees ... or you decide you don’t and focus on looking forward and not back xxx

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I genuinely could not have said it any better myself. Once I recognised my ExH wasnt the man I thought he was or who I wanted to be with I was able to gently ease myself into my new normal. Please take it easy on yourself and be happy.

[Jules32]

So sorry your going through this but please listen to your daughter she's right and incredibly wise to say that. trust me when I say you will get through this , have you thought about having some counselling on your own it can be really helpful. xx

[Guest]

Originally Posted by DisneyStacey

I just wish I could turn back time.

So many "what ifs"

I should've handled things differently.

See more...

I really feel for you.

What you’ve written here will be familiar to everyone who has had a major traumatic event. Turning back time, what ifs, doing things differently.
It’s always easy to see the bigger picture when you’re looking back. Remember that you can only make decisions based on the information you have at the time.
You’re grieving for the life you had before this happened. This kind of analysis is part of the process.

Try and take it one day at a time x

[Guest]

Originally Posted by DisneyStacey

I just wish I could turn back time.

So many "what ifs"

I should've handled things differently.

See more...

Turn back time to when? When he first dropped the bombshell? Obviously there is more than one way to do anything, but I have read your thread from the beginning and I think you made pretty good decisions all along.

Your hands were pretty tied to a great extent too, It is not like you had the entire array of options available to you. I think you chose a dignified and mature option of those that were available at the time. Don’t beat yourself up about this, you didn’t create the situation you find yourself in.

[Loopylooloo]

Just popping in to say I hope you are ok, its a difficult time of year to be going through this. I'm thinking of you x

[DisneyStacey]

Originally Posted by Loopylooloo

Just popping in to say I hope you are ok, its a difficult time of year to be going through this. I'm thinking of you x

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Thank you for thinking of me.

I'm having a really bad few days since sunday. I'm just still struggling to get my head around everything.

It's my daughter's birthday tomorrow - I don't know how either of us are going to find the strength. We should be together as a family.

Hope you are okay, Louise!

[Melanie R]

Originally Posted by DisneyStacey

Thank you for thinking of me.

I'm having a really bad few days since sunday. I'm just still struggling to get my head around everything.

It's my daughter's birthday tomorrow - I don't know how either of us are going to find the strength. We should be together as a family.

Hope you are okay, Louise!

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The “firsts” are always the hardest as you get used to a new normal. You’ll find the strength because of your daughter - and you will be together as a family - just a different family unit.
You won’t see it for a while yet, but you are doing amazingly well - keep going, it does get easier xxxx

[archibald]

Happy birthday to your daughter, you're doing great, keep on keeping on, you can do this.