Not Florida related but difficult situation

[Funnyface]

I know this is a Florida but I’m in a difficult situation and could really do with some advice. Can’t ask anyone close to me.
My brother has recently cheated on his wife and subsequently left her for a new woman who he’s now living with. I really hate this situation as I’ve always been close to my sister in law. Between the two of them being hopeless with money and my brother working for himself, money problems were always the norm. Even though we’re all in our early forties, by the time the house has been sold and debts repaid there will be no money left over. So they are now both broke but separated. I have no concerns for my sister in law because she has moved in, is in the process of buying her own flat and has a decent job but my brother is a different matter.
He is always broke, even though he works hard and I fear for his future. He’s living with his new girlfriend and her children in her rented house and my 14 year old nephew is living with them part time. I pretty much know that my brother has always smoked cannabis and I fear there is now more to be scared of. I’m really scared there is now a stronger drugs habit due to him never having any money. Over the past few months my parents have borrowed him a lot thinking it’s helping him stay afloat when I know for a fact he’s still struggling.
The problem I have is that he’s just today asked me to be guarantor for a loan for him 😳
I felt awful but had to say no. Me and my husband both work for ourselves and both work long hours. Although we’re not struggling we never have any money left over for luxuries. We reign in our nights out and forsake a lot to go to Florida usually every two years (with a bonus one thrown in last year).
I simply cannot put ourselves in this situation because I know how bad my brother is with money let alone what my husband would say.
I just feel really ≈≈≈≈ now though and wish there was something I could do 😢 have I been too hasty in saying no?
Thanks for listening if you’ve got this far x

[LauraAshley04]

Just wanted to say I think you are doing more in helping him by not financially helping. Otherwise you fund a "potential" habit or you reinforce that someone will always bail him out. Stay strong, be emotionally available but you've done the right thing. Sometimes the kindest things are the hardest. Sending you big hugs x

[Pollita]

What an awful situation all around, but I think you've done the right thing. If I was in the same position I'd have to say no too, no matter how bad it made me feel.

[munmun]

Originally Posted by Funnyface

I know this is a Florida but I’m in a difficult situation and could really do with some advice. Can’t ask anyone close to me.
My brother has recently cheated on his wife and subsequently left her for a new woman who he’s now living with. I really hate this situation as I’ve always been close to my sister in law. Between the two of them being hopeless with money and my brother working for himself, money problems were always the norm. Even though we’re all in our early forties, by the time the house has been sold and debts repaid there will be no money left over. So they are now both broke but separated. I have no concerns for my sister in law because she has moved in, is in the process of buying her own flat and has a decent job but my brother is a different matter.
He is always broke, even though he works hard and I fear for his future. He’s living with his new girlfriend and her children in her rented house and my 14 year old nephew is living with them part time. I pretty much know that my brother has always smoked cannabis and I fear there is now more to be scared of. I’m really scared there is now a stronger drugs habit due to him never having any money. Over the past few months my parents have borrowed him a lot thinking it’s helping him stay afloat when I know for a fact he’s still struggling.
The problem I have is that he’s just today asked me to be guarantor for a loan for him 😳
I felt awful but had to say no. Me and my husband both work for ourselves and both work long hours. Although we’re not struggling we never have any money left over for luxuries. We reign in our nights out and forsake a lot to go to Florida usually every two years (with a bonus one thrown in last year).
I simply cannot put ourselves in this situation because I know how bad my brother is with money let alone what my husband would say.
I just feel really ≈≈≈≈ now though and wish there was something I could do 😢 have I been too hasty in saying no?
Thanks for listening if you’ve got this far x

See more...

I also think you are right to say no and think you can tell him that you do not have enough left over to bail him out if everything goes wrong.

I also think you need to sit down with your parents, explain what you have said and why they should not guarantee the loan either.

You are in a difficult situation but honesty is the best policy, simply say no and the reason why.

[EssexSue]

You have made the right decision, well done it can't have been easy.

[3disneykids]

Originally Posted by EssexSue

You have made the right decision, well done it can't have been easy.

See more...

I agree

[JudyC]

You've made the right decision no doubt about that. Sad to say but he needs to sort his own life out. Can you offer any other support that isn't financial. It's a shame your nephew has to suffer.

[Funnyface]

Thank you all for responding. I know in my heart it was the right thing to do but it’s quite hard to live with it after.
I’m actually worried for how this whole situation is going to pan out in the future 😬 he’s made this a very bad year for our family, especially our parents, with what he’s done but he’s still family so can’t turn our back on him.

[NikNak]

What a horrible situation to be in and as difficult as it is, you've 100% done the right thing and hopefully it will benefit him more in the long run too.

[Mr Tom Morrow]

OP. The first thing I was told as I climbed the ladder when working was it's easy to say yes to the Staff and hard to say no. But you have to sometimes.

The same analogy applies to friends and also family. Yes you could have been a guarantor but you know in your head you did the right thing saying no. Hard to do but he has made his life choices and he is an adult who must learn to stand on his own two feet.